to leave DH after he encouraged our DC to kick me

Ok, so in your situation you have an innate understanding that the playing is, in fact, playful.

However, a woman posting over months who is concerned clearly has an innate understanding that her situation is not playful and is damaging.

He called her horrible names, encourages the child to defy her, please reread her posts and reconsider your advice. She should not stay with a man who baits her swears at her, encourages the child to hit her, laughs at her, won’t let her speak her language to her child…

You are like a boiled frog, believing the man’s version- ‘I was just playing about’ instead of the woman ‘he keeps telling my child to hit me’.

About 15 years ago I was in the supermarket and a boy of about 6 was told he couldn't have something by his mother. He said 'You stupid woman' and no child of that age should be able to speak with such scorn and disgust. I can only imagine that he heard someone else speak to her like this and I still think of her face to this day - she looked so defeated. I hope I was wrong about her home life, and I hope I am wrong that your child is learning to treat you like that.

You need to find the strength to leave. Your child will grow up aggressive and vicious, with no sense of what is right or wrong.
It is a form of child abuse.

What she's said is enough.

No but if he’s messing around with the kids and laughing/running about he’ll say for eg ‘go and hit mummy on the bottom she’s being cheeky’. There is absolutely no malicious intent. It’s being playful. Which is why context/tone/language are all important.

Have you read each of her posts? Have you noticed that she finds it distressing but her child’s father does it anyway? That he controls her, not allowing her to speak her language to their child?

Leaving an abusive relationship is a big and difficult change. Staying is poison to the child growing up in the situation.

Does your significant other tells your kids to slap you in the face and kick you for a bit of a laugh? That's not play fighting. Please tell your kids not to do this to you or anyone else for fun

We don’t know the situation. We are going off a few paragraphs from OP and have absolutely no idea of the reality. Hence why context is important.

It is because he is encouraging his son to do it instead instead of himself.

Unstick yourself darling, you know it well enough that you came back here twice as well as asking all your friends

This is such bad advice and comprehension of the situation.

Please leave. Not only does your husband clearly not have any respect for you, but you are also very likely to end up having a broken relationship with your child. One of my friends was in an abusive marriage, and by the time she finally managed to leave, it was too late for her relationship with her children: the one that stayed with her, has been beating her and physically/verbally/emotionally abusing her in many ways for the last few years, having learnt this behaviour from the ex husband before he moved out. The child is only 15. Their life is a nightmare.
Please leave him.

Depends on the context. Are dad and son having fun, playfighting (totally normal!) and trying to involve mum, laughing, not aggressive etc. Or is dad saying ‘go hit your mum in the face’ with no playful tone, completely serious etc etc.

People on mumsnet are so quick to say ‘leave him’ without considering the consequences to the kids etc. Obviously it goes without saying that domestic abuse is inexcusable and the man must be left, but this does not scream domestic abuse - he has never laid a hand on her??

Well it's not right. Your husband is training your child to be the type of man we are all reading about. Abusive towards women. Treating woman like they are worth nothing. This is your life now unless you leave.

The language thing is probably as he doesn't know what you're saying and wants total control.

You said it better than me but that is what I was thinking!

It has happened several times including egging on the son to hit his mum in the face. What is the son going to be like towards his mum when he is a teenager?

This is absolutely domestic violence by proxy.

Op, you need to leave. Even if you are unable to do so on your own behalf, your husband is abusing your child by making them the agent of his abuse.

This will only escalate, with terrible outcomes for both you and your child, who may well end up alienated from you altogether.

You want to break up your marriage and family (extremely traumatic for your child) because your husband was playfighting with his child and then suggested to your son he should involve you. They’re mucking around.

If you want to leave your marriage because you’re unhappy that’s one thing, but to divorce over him playfully suggesting your son kick you is absurd.

You need some work on yourself because it is obviously quite bad and your shilly shallying is hurting you. But this is difficult work to do if you have been raised to minimize your own pain and generally talk yourself out of making waves.

One thing to realize though is time’s arrow goes in only one direction. Every day that you delay leaving is another day where your child is hurt by being raised to hurt you, not learning your language, learning to despise you as your partner does. You will never get back these precious early years. Don’t waste another minute of your precious child’s life trying to make this wretched relationship work.

I have a suspicion that your DH wants to be violent but won't so gets your child to do it but pretends it is a joke. DH sounds like he has no respect for you and sounds like he wants your child to be the same.

Definitely leave.