Should two adult children be treated differently re inheritance, because one has children and the other one does not, by choice or not?

In my case my DM has just changed her will. It was to be split 50/50 between me & my brother. However for the last 15 yrs he doesnt bother with my DM. ignores xmas & bdays. Never sees her & doesnt answer the phone.I help her in any way i can. She is 86 and totally mentally sound. She has changed her will to half of eveything for me & the other half split 4 ways. So my brother's share is now split between him and my 3dc.. He doesnt have any dc. He wont be happy but doesnt deserve anything....

Having been on the receiving end of this because we cant have kids it does sting.

BIL and his wife have kids and when they moved FIL gave them £25k moving cash to get the house sorted out and the kids bedrooms done out all nice and some garden play sets. When we moved we got nothing as we didn't have kids so 'didn't need it' and they have even suggested we adopt 😳

Some people may think I'm bitter and its the in laws money so their choice but we are treated totally differently and don't get taken on holidays with the in laws, taken out for meals etc and it pains me the way DH is treated because we haven't given them grandchildren. If they were just taking the kids away and leaving BIL and wife at home not an issue but we too would like an all expenses paid week away.

My brother and his wife have a child and yes my parents put away a small amounts of money for the nephew into his own bank account which I have no issue with, but if my parents gave me a large sum of money or took me away on a holiday my brother would also get the same.

Im sure some of you think I'm spoiled and a brat here but even the BIL notices the inequality and has said it's not right.

IMO it’s the choice of the person whose money it is.

When one of my grandparents died their money was split:
25% child A
25% child B
25% child C
25% between the six grandchildren (4 belong to one, two to another, one childless).

Seemed fair to us - I think I’d do similar.

I believe a person should be able to leave their estate to whoever they want to and in whatever proportions they wish. That's why it is called a "Will" as it expresses their will.

Depends on the family and situation. If grandchildren were adults I would give them their own share. If they are children I would give their parent extra to go towards the grandchildren.

I believe strongly that adult children should be treated equally.

My former best friend had this situation. Her sister had children, she does not and her parents told her that they would leave everything to the sister (not the GCs, the sister) as then it would be passed down in some form to the next generation. Despite the sister also having a professional job and a husband and my former best friend having neither and struggling.

It embittered her incredibly. And hurt her desperately, as she said it made her feel that her life did not matter and was not valued. Just judged and found wanting.

I'm afraid it triggered a period of such prolonged depression where she became so bitter and angry and lashed out at everyone in her life she thought were more lucky than her. In the end DH inherited when his father died and she was so completely vile about this to my face that although I tried really hard to keep the friendshio going she finally went too far with her viciousness that I had to retreat for my own wellbeing.

Maybe she would have been like that anyway- maybe not. But I think her parents were very very wrong to have told her that because her sister had a family and she did not they were leaving it all to the sister.

Definitely the same! (Unless there is a very valid reason for not doing so.)

My DH has two siblings. All reasonably comfortable - eldest probably more so.
FIL was quite wealthy but he died 40 years ago and rightly left everything to mil. FIL was very keen that any inheritance should be split 3 ways evenly.

During fil’s protracted illness and following his death my DH did everything for them as both siblings lived hundreds of miles away. Mil died 15 years ago and, when will was eventually read, my DH was totally shocked that he had been left considerably less than his siblings. The bulk had been left to the eldest daughter with the rest split between DH and younger sibling although youngest was also left a considerable amount of expensive jewellery.

DH was devastated but not about the money at all as we are very comfortable through our own efforts. It was like a complete slap in the face and felt like a very pubic statement that he was the least liked child and because mil had died before this came to light he has been left not knowing why. 😥

In my opinion this is a horrible thing to do to a child of any age.

All my dc are getting nowt... No arguing then whatsoever...

If only children inherit, then they inherit 50:50.

However, grandchildren can inherit separately, and rest divided 50:50.

Yes, normally it should be split equally.

But (prior to death!) the deceased is free to spend their money however they please. They don't have to keep receipts or explain it.

I think that there are reasons for treating adult children differently in inheritance terms.

Generally speaking I’d want treat them the same but there can obviously be mitigating factors.

My mum wanted the 'grandchildren' treated fairly - one of us has 2 one has 3..

So the split was 40 to me, 40 to my sister - and the other 20 between 'all' grandchildren (when the will was written it was unclear.. how many there would be)

My family is the smaller one - but I don't mind all the children getting the benefit. When I go - my children will get 50/50 whereas my sisters children will get 33/33/33

I’m childfree but I would expect to receive the same amount as my siblings with children, I would be upset if I received less or was cut out just because I haven’t had children. It isn’t entirely by choice I haven’t ended up with children. That said, I wouldn’t be at all upset if my mum included my DNs in her will as well as me and my siblings, I received a small sum of money from my grandparents in their will (as did my cousins) which was much less than my parents and aunts/ uncles received but still very much appreciated. Grandchildren are separate from their parents and will have relationships with their grandparent in their own right so I don’t think any inheritance they receive should only come from their parents ‘share.’ I know my mum has put money in trust for my DNs and don’t feel upset I won’t receive a gift of this kind because I don’t view this money as being for my sibling, it’s for my DNs who my mum loves dearly in their own right, not only as extensions of my sibling.

Depends how it done if both kids get 1/3 and GC directly gets 1/3 then fine

Do child free siblings really resent their sibling’s children receiving a share of the inheritence?
When my GPs died it was split 4 ways, their three children received 25% each and the remainder was split equally between all the grandkids. I have never considered that anyone would consider this unfair. I certainly don’t assume that my childless uncle would leave his inheritance to me so therefore I should give up my share from my grandparents.

Well it depends obviously on a number of details.

My friends parents willed their home entirely to her DB who has severe disabilities. She totally understands why they did that and appreciated the much smaller payout she got.

One child might be unpleasant. One might be a multi millionaire and the other living in poverty.

Loads of reasons why decisions might be made to treat them differently.

I think the siblings should be treated the same but if the deceased gave a share to the children them this is seperate and not included in their parent's share

This.

Assuming there's no backstory, estrangement, abuse, neglect, disability thst means the parents feel they need to fund care after they die, etc then ideally yes, all children should be treated equally.

That may be an equal split between all children with nothing going to the grandchildren or it may mean the same amount going to each of the children and a separate amount going directly to the grandchildren.

Either way the children are getting the same amount so are being treated equally.

I would argue that the only person who's opinion counts is the person the money belongs to. If they want to leave everything to one and nothing to the other, it's up to them. No 'should' about it. The only rights any of us have is to the money we earn ourselves. Some people see their GC as separate to their parents, so want to bequeath something extra for their particular benefit, others see no further than the next generation and spilt it evenly between their DC. Others might well think if their children are so entitled and grasping as to be fussing about the will before they were even dead, they might as well leave it to charity.

When I was a kid and my grandmother died, my mum and her sibling inherited everything. My mum chose to put aside some of her share into savings for me and my siblings. I think that's the fairest way do it.

If this is about the other thread, the OP of that thread is financially comfortable, whilst her sister is struggling. Not all childless and childfree people are single but the sister in that thread is. And single pensioner poverty is on average double that of couples.

I think if the grandchildren got £100k each for school fees, and therefore one adult child saved herself the £200k she had expected to spend, she should share some of her good fortune with her sister after there was none of her sisters planned inheritance left.

(This is a TAAT)

Children should get the same. Grandchildren should get something, too, held in trust until they are adults if it's a large sum - 1/4 of what the children get seems reasonable.

No!

we’re currently facing the same, one sibling giving much more as they haven’t got their arse in gear to buy a house (not money related just isn’t bothered about owning)
the sibling who worked bloody hard to get on the housing ladder and pays a mortgage given much less.

It still causes bitterness despite trying not to. But hey it’s all ok as the parent loves both the same!