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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have had a private scan on my own?

103 replies

FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 13:49

I took my mum. The idea was that we’d get a nice picture and it would be personalised onto a mug for DH’s Father’s Day present. He is so happy with the mug and teared up a bit saying it was so special but I could tell (just because I know him, he didn’t say anything) that he was briefly sad when he realised we’d been for another scan and he hadn’t been there. He always promised to be at every appointment and be there for everything. I did do it totally behind his back but it was because I wanted a surprise for him. He’s been to all the others. Was it mean of me? I feel bad, as I’d never thought of it at the time!

YABU - yes it was mean
YANBU - no, nice surprise and no problem if he’s been to every other scan so far

OP posts:
Original poster
FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:08

weescotlass · 15/06/2024 14:07

Do you have a partner OP? Is the father of the baby getting to attend these scans? Will he receive a memento tomorrow for fathers day?

What do you mean? I have a husband as described in the OP.

OP posts:
weescotlass · 15/06/2024 14:07

Do you have a partner OP? Is the father of the baby getting to attend these scans? Will he receive a memento tomorrow for fathers day?

Original poster
FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:07

I’ll probably not return to this thread, for no other reason than it’s turned and I can see it’ll lead to a pile on which nobody really wants do they?

I was questioning whether or not it was mean not to take him. Not about ‘subjecting my baby’ to a scan, whether you think private scans should be for fun or reassurance, or anything like that. Moved so far away from the original topic! Have a nice day all ☺️ DH is happy, it was more my conscience feeling mean as he can’t wait to be a daddy and is so involved already.

OP posts:
giveupcrunchy · 15/06/2024 14:06

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giveupcrunchy · 15/06/2024 14:05

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Original poster
FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:05

My friend surprised her parents with a memento bought at the scan clinic for Christmas. It had the baby’s heartbeat in it, they loved the gift. It’s really not as rare as people on here are making out

OP posts:
VainAbigail · 15/06/2024 14:05

To have had a private scan on my own?

I took my mum

So not on your own then, which probably didn’t make him feel too happy deep down, either.

Piddypigeon · 15/06/2024 14:04

A scan is a medical appointment, not a jolly event. Mine discovered issues. I never get this kind of 'scan for fun' attitude. You should have taken him esp if this id what was agreed.

giveupcrunchy · 15/06/2024 14:04

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SonicTheHodgeheg · 15/06/2024 14:04

@tattychicken
Not everyone here is in the UK.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 15/06/2024 14:03

Do your mum and husband not get along ? Why wouldn’t you take him and buy a mug too?

tattychicken · 15/06/2024 14:03

YABU to see lector union baby to an unnecessary scan.
YABU to have given him his present the day before Fathers Day.

AsYouWantToBe · 15/06/2024 14:03

FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:02

I can see I’ve posted on the wrong place 🤦‍♀️ not debating private scans, that’s another thread if you want to start it.

No one is debating private scans. It's just that, as a pp said, private scans are still medical checks in which crucial health problems with your baby may be uncovered. They don't exist in a separate 'cute photo' category.

AnotherPoxyName · 15/06/2024 14:03

I find going for a scan for a photo for a mug a bit weird? Surely take him to the scan!!

Original poster
FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:03

AsYouWantToBe · 15/06/2024 14:02

Out of whack because you went for something that is actually a medical check to get a cutesy souvenir.

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I wonder why they sell the mugs, teddy bears and key rings then and why so many people buy them!

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 15/06/2024 14:03

I can’t see why you couldn’t get a nice scan picture with him beside you and then used it for a mug, as the gift would still have been a surprise. Now, it symbolises an appointment that he wasn’t invited to, so he probably doesn’t want to use the mug.

Original poster
FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:02

I can see I’ve posted on the wrong place 🤦‍♀️ not debating private scans, that’s another thread if you want to start it.

OP posts:
giveupcrunchy · 15/06/2024 14:02

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AsYouWantToBe · 15/06/2024 14:02

FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:01

Out of whack priorities how sorry? Nothing wrong with private scans and loads of people have them. My question was about not taking him with me.

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Out of whack because you went for something that is actually a medical check to get a cutesy souvenir.

giveupcrunchy · 15/06/2024 14:01

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AsYouWantToBe · 15/06/2024 14:01

OneFrenchEgg · 15/06/2024 13:58

Will i changed my mind about scans being cute and 'to see the baby' when my 4D scan turned into a referral to a specialist unit and the possibility of an early termination. So I would never now go along or advise anyone to go along for fun or a cute gift.

Yes, exactly. There seems to be a slightly illogical sense (at least on here) that there's an entirely separate category of private scans which are done for cute photos rather than anything to do with a foetus's health or development, and at which no bad news is going to be uncovered.

Overthebow · 15/06/2024 14:01

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Yes I agree with this. You could have had the scan with him then got it put onto the mug. Now he’s got a mug with a picture from a scan he’s not been to.

Original poster
FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 14:01

AsYouWantToBe · 15/06/2024 14:00

In his shoes, I think I'd just find it pretty weird that you went for a quasi-medical diagnostic procedure usually done to check an unborn baby's growth and development in order to get a Father's Day knickknack. It speaks of a slightly out of whack set of priorities.

Out of whack priorities how sorry? Nothing wrong with private scans and loads of people have them. My question was about not taking him with me.

OP posts:
giveupcrunchy · 15/06/2024 14:00

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AsYouWantToBe · 15/06/2024 14:00

In his shoes, I think I'd just find it pretty weird that you went for a quasi-medical diagnostic procedure usually done to check an unborn baby's growth and development in order to get a Father's Day knickknack. It speaks of a slightly out of whack set of priorities.

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