Inheritance

She spends her own money on her needs ? He keeps the receipts for that.

Why is he receiving all the money, if she’s spending her own money now ? It’s needs to be made very clear why the others are being cut out of the inheritance.

I guarantee you that the rest of the family will fight or at least complain a lot if they don't get at least what they think is equal share.

A will be completely screwed over if they have a chance.

I think J should leave a nominal amount to B and the GC, say £50 or £100 each, to show they have been considered. If she doesn't want to leave anything to them then it should be said in the will that they are not being included, otherwise it could be argued J had not remembered to include them.

Although you say she has full capacity, I'd be wary if she is very deaf and almost blind. Again, it could be argued she didn't have full realisation of what she was signing. I think the letter of wishes, to accompany the will, is a good idea so that it explains her rationale.

I personally hate it when families can't be bothered with an elderly loved one, leave all the care to one sibling, then expect a share of the money when they pass.

A letter with the will explaining that she is leaving everything to A for his devoted care in her later years. And specifically she has decided not to leave anything to B and C and their descendants. Something like that should make it difficult for anyone to contest the will. I assume the will will cover if he pre-deceases her, passing the inheritance to his wife and children.

Get a doctors letter to confirm capacity so they cannot argue that point

Is J not claiming carers allowance (it’s not means tested), this could be passed to A now for out of pocket expenses? And a fair split for inheritance which will not cause further issues.

My grandmother did that.

My DF died 20 years before she did leaving my 2 uncles. Uncle P lived abroad, uncle M lived around the corner and spent years being there for her, as did his wife and DC - popped in twice a day, shopped, made meals arranged appointments.

I lived 200 miles away and phoned a couple of times a week and visited regularly for nice times but couldn't do anything day-to-day.

Uncle P visited every year or so.

When she died, everything went to uncle M, and everyone agreed that was as it should be. No arguments.

I think she should leave a small amount to all the grandchildren too tbh. Honestly, from my experience of wills I'd rather not inherit again. Have caused no end of family rifts for us, people really need to consider the aggro it creates for the family members left behind.

No as I wrote just previously I had cross posted with your post stating how they let her down.

J's money J's choice.

To minimise fallout later J should ask the solicitor to prepare a side letter explaining why she has left the money to A. At 96 the solicitor will want to be satisfied J has capacity to make the Will anyway.

J could also gift some of the money now while alive to A. The amounts involved will not make any different to PETs/Inheritance tax

I care for my elderly parents. Dsis does nothing as she lives too far away. I would be horrified if DPs changed their wills to cut my sister out.

I don't expect to get "paid" in an inheritance for the care that I do - I do it because I love my parents and want to look out for them.

If the carers are financially out of pocket as a result of their caring responsibilities, then it would make sense to compensate them for that loss while the DM is still alive, but I wouldn't try to address it through the inheritance.

I’m not sure you should be “paid back” for looking after your parents, any money needed should have been paid out as & when needed. Instead there is a “mystery pot” where A is (in thier head) adding together all of the costs with zero transparency.

How does B .. and Cs children know that A is £200k down due to caring, and so feel entitled to all the money ? A should have kept a record of costs, and this should have been shared with the rest of the family.

My mum is in a care home, and as siblings we know who has paid / done what (my sister does a monthly account), so the financial position, and who will get what out of the Estate is transparent

It’s much less open to challenge if she leaves B something. More than a token but much less than a third. A similar amount divided between C’s adult children. And a letter stating the reasons why (not a nasty letter; just it’s in recognition of all A has done). . Changing her will at her age will likely raise questions about testamentary capacity so she would be best consulting a specialist solicitor rather than a will writing service. More expensive but, again, much less easy to be challenged later. It’s very much best is A does not attend the solicitors appointment at all.

It doesn't actually sound as if there is much of a relationship to lose, to be frank.

They don't seem to make any effort anyway so no real loss there.

I think A will lose their mother and then all their relationship with siblings, nieces and nephews in one day.

Cross posted with this which puts a different perspective on my view re C's children.

However there will be rows when J is gone. I hope there would be no legal challenges because there wouldn't be anything left if lawyers have to be involved. .

I think that the simple fact is that if it wasn’t for A then there would be no money left anyway and that would be the end of it.

I'm probably biased as I'm A in a similar situation. My siblings aren't aware of the will and I have no problem informing them when the time comes. As far as I'm concerned, if they bothered more on a day to day basis then they would know and wouldn't need to be told.

I do too.