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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH's numerous "hobbies"

38 replies

BrickCat · 15/06/2024 07:52

DH has hobbies. Good for him, so do I. The problem is that they're all incredibly short-lived, space-consuming, and frankly a waste of money.

When DH sets his sights on a hobby, he feels like he MUST get the top-of-the-line (or close to it) stuff for that hobby as this is going to be the one that he's going to stick with. Yesterday he gleefully came in with £400 rollerblades.

Just in January, he decided that long-distance long-boarding (it's like a skateboard but made for distance rather than tricks; sort of like the difference between a BMX bike and a road bike) was going to be his "thing". Cue 3?!? different boards all costing between £300-£500 each!

Last year, it was wakeboarding, golf, and mountain biking (he bought 2 bikes).

The house is now littered with all his one-and-done purchases and he has no intention of ever selling them because he "might get back into it someday" (only happened with 2 of his hobbies).

AIBU to think that enough is enough? Every few months a new hobby, more junk in the house, more money gone down the drain and more wastage as one of his mountain bikes, for instance, looks basically brand new. Angry

OP posts:
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GingerPirate · 15/06/2024 19:02

OP my DH is similar, he's 74 yo and it's always been expensive tools and machines....
No joke. 😩

QuantumPanic · 15/06/2024 16:01

I'm exactly the same. It's the research into the 'best thing/equipment' that I get sucked into. Two strategies:

  1. Ideally borrow equipment first/buy 'the worst' version if not possible to borrow. If hobby is still of interest 6 months later (lol, never going to happen), upgrade to most expensive thing.
  1. Be conscious of the fact that it's the searching that is the actual hobby. Pick a totally random new niche item/thing to obsessively research. Save findings into a folder. Rinse and repeat.

I have a colleague with the same problem, and we are both doing 2 now.

Loafbeginsat60 · 15/06/2024 15:57

Sorry but what kind of grown man goes rollerblading or skateboarding!

Tell him to grow up!

Gettingbysomehow · 15/06/2024 15:52

It will be Harley Davidsons next mark my words. I always think men look so daft on roller blades. Buy him an orange lycra all in one to go with it 😄

GoodbyeToBerlin · 15/06/2024 15:45

BrickCat · 15/06/2024 14:54

I wish! We were doing a mini cleanup today which sparked this whole post. So many things that cannot be sold/thrown away yet piling up in every corner taking up space. 2 mountain bikes, 3 longboards, various spare wheels, wakeboarding equipment, 2 quad skates, 1 new inline skate, golf clubs, boxes and boxes of model airplanes/ships, boxes and boxes of Warhammer stuff, various fishing equipment (some never used), various PC parts, boxes and boxes of keyboards and keycaps. Feels like hoarding-lite to an extent.

Show quote history

Gosh OP I'd find it hard to live with all that chunky stuff cluttering up my home. 2 mountain bikes in the house? I couldn't deal with that, never mind the rest of it.

I think it's ultimatum time. He can continue to buy all this expensive shit (if finances allow) BUT he has to rent storage space for it, otherwise you'll list it for sale.

Put a timeframe on it (14 days from today?) and if it's not in storage by then, it's going.

Excited101 · 15/06/2024 14:59

I’m a bit like this… I have (diagnosed) ADHD. My dad is a bit like this, I’m in no doubt he also has ADHD. My sister isn’t like it at all, and she also has (undiagnosed) ADHD. I’m fairly certain your DH would have it, it’s such a strong trait!

Original poster
BrickCat · 15/06/2024 14:54

Dahliasrule · 15/06/2024 11:54

Could his new hobby be building a shed to store all the unused equipment in?

I wish! We were doing a mini cleanup today which sparked this whole post. So many things that cannot be sold/thrown away yet piling up in every corner taking up space. 2 mountain bikes, 3 longboards, various spare wheels, wakeboarding equipment, 2 quad skates, 1 new inline skate, golf clubs, boxes and boxes of model airplanes/ships, boxes and boxes of Warhammer stuff, various fishing equipment (some never used), various PC parts, boxes and boxes of keyboards and keycaps. Feels like hoarding-lite to an extent.

OP posts:
JazbayGrapes · 15/06/2024 12:51

Mine has only one hobby, but he keeps buying expensive shit he doesn't need for it. Shitloads of pricey junk. All while stuff around the house needs fixing.

No way to fix this. All i can do is indulge in my own shopping guilt free.

MumblesParty · 15/06/2024 12:50

If he’s wasting his own money then unfortunately you can’t really say much about that, but I would absolutely refuse to have the crap filling the house. He needs to sell it or store it somewhere else, at his own expense. I would give him a month to sort that out, then it would all go in ebay.

FlyingSoap · 15/06/2024 12:07

Just here to say it does sound like impulse buying which is a classic ADHD trait!

Dahliasrule · 15/06/2024 11:54

Could his new hobby be building a shed to store all the unused equipment in?

somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 15/06/2024 11:51

LeavesOnTrees · 15/06/2024 08:08

Maybe do a budget with your DH to work out how much you have leftover each month after paying bills, mortgage and food.
Make sure you have equal spending money.

If his hobby spending is within his 'fun' spending money then it's up to him what he buys, if it's eating into your essential life payments then you have a problem and he'll have to reduce his purchases.

Yes - this is sensible.

Octavia64 · 15/06/2024 11:40

Yeah, like others have said.

Adhd.

My dad was exactly the same except with less money.

My mum made him sell stuff after a while.

LoveSandbanks · 15/06/2024 11:37

TulipsAndZombies · 15/06/2024 08:10

Has his ADHD been diagnosed yet?

I thought this was my husband posting about me 🤣

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/06/2024 11:26

Can you sit down with him and point out all the money he has spent, totalled up, on all the equipment. And then see if you can get some agreement that the next time he

  • sells the rejected hobby equipment first. And
  • buys cheap first (either lower spec or second hand) and does the hobby for 6 months or whatever before he speeds more
If he says no though not sure what you can do but that might trigger a discussion about finances, it depends how your finances are split and how much spending money you each have etc
Iloveshihtzus · 15/06/2024 11:16

TulipsAndZombies · 15/06/2024 08:10

Has his ADHD been diagnosed yet?

😂 you win the internet today!

Ohnobackagain · 15/06/2024 11:10

@BrickCat if these came out of joint money, how did he react when you set aside the same amount to spend on an extravagant purchase just for you 😬?

Geneticsbunny · 15/06/2024 09:49

I am absolutely the same, but I do eventually go back round the circuit to some of them. I am currently finishing a patchwork blanket that I started 30 years ago! A limited budget might encourage reselling stuff to fund the newest hobby?
But I assume(hope) the randomness is one of reasons you love him so ... He may not change.

CranfordScones · 15/06/2024 09:46

I've witnessed the top-of-the-range-itis behaviour and the endless hours online choosing gear for a hobby barely begun. My sympathies.

People like him perform a valuable service for the rest of us (with shallower budgets) when the inevitable clearout eventually happens.

In the meantime, separate hobby budgets at the very least.

ThePassageOfTime · 15/06/2024 09:05

TulipsAndZombies · 15/06/2024 08:10

Has his ADHD been diagnosed yet?

Yes. This 😂

lottiegarbanzo · 15/06/2024 09:02

I think - and my experience is - that joining groups provides motivation, encouragement, tips, enjoyment and gets you into a habit. It's how you get from beginner to intermediate and more.

Online communities of experts, people who've already been through all those steps, are a totally different type of community.

He needs to join the equivalent of a local running club, sign up for climbing lessons etc. then he'll meet people, then progress.

He's trying to leap from beginner to expert with no intermediate stage, no learning, no support, no community. That's just daft.

Original poster
BrickCat · 15/06/2024 08:50

lottiegarbanzo · 15/06/2024 08:40

The thing that really strikes me about all these hobbies though is how lonely they are.

I guess I think of 'normal hobby progression' as starting with the basics or borrowing stuff, joining a group to learn and enjoy the activity with others, then gradually getting better at it, finding out what the next step is, equipment required, borrowing or buying as necessary and so on.

Thinking that enjoying an activity is about the stuff rather than the people and shared experience seems a really fundamental error and a very sad one.

Caveat, I realise that there are a lot of home-based hobbies, crafts, learning an instrument etc. But even with those, people often join groups or communities of interest.

I think groups have always been the goal but DH always feels like he'd never get good enough to do it at a casual competition level and that's what causes him to give up.

With the long-distance long-boarding for example, his goal was always to do the UK Ultraskate. The community (from what I've seen) also consists of people mainly in their 30s-50s so on paper it's perfect for him. 5 months of long-boarding later, he feels like he still can't push or pump properly so now he thinks rollerblading will be much easier and this will be his new sport.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 15/06/2024 08:40

The thing that really strikes me about all these hobbies though is how lonely they are.

I guess I think of 'normal hobby progression' as starting with the basics or borrowing stuff, joining a group to learn and enjoy the activity with others, then gradually getting better at it, finding out what the next step is, equipment required, borrowing or buying as necessary and so on.

Thinking that enjoying an activity is about the stuff rather than the people and shared experience seems a really fundamental error and a very sad one.

Caveat, I realise that there are a lot of home-based hobbies, crafts, learning an instrument etc. But even with those, people often join groups or communities of interest.

CableCar · 15/06/2024 08:28

My DH is the same! He has ADHD so every new venture is always something he thinks will stick... But no. Then we end up with all the junk about the house, taking up valuable storage space!

lottiegarbanzo · 15/06/2024 08:23

I'd also go through the finances with him and look at what he could have had instead... holidays, pension, early retirement, deposit on houses for future children etc.

A choice between shopping addiction and potentially retiring five years earlier might be sobering.

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