Fil smacked me on the bottom

Yes, where’s the funny part in having your FIL touch an intimate area?
Men need to be called out in this EVERY single time, no matter who it is or where it is.
EVERY time.

I would have told him to keep his fucking hands to himself! I’d be tempted to message him, say that he was out of order and that you’d appreciate it if he never touched you again.

I completely get this, but I also disagree.
Asking her DH to speak to his FiL about it is effectively asking the men to sit down and discuss whether or not its acceptable to put your unwelcome hands on a woman.
If we don't start standing up for ourselves and calling men out, things won't change.
My FiL once called me (jokingly) my 'DH's bitch' in front of my DH and in laws. and I stood up and told him to apologise or leave my home and don't return. Yes its difficult and it feels so confrontational when most of us women haven't been raised to be like that, but I don't need men to speak for me and decide what's right for me. I can do that for myself.

What, exactly, was the funny bit?

No OP. You were the one he laid hands on - you are a grown woman with a voice of your own so use it. Please don't be conciliatory when you speak to him either. Make it clear he crossed boundaries. If that means you decorate without him in future, or need to pay a decorator, then do that. You don't have to put up with any behaviour you don't want - and that goes for your husband's non support too. Why should you wait for your FIL's behaviour to be repeated before anything is said to him? 🌹

Mine once pinched my bum with a monkey wrench/ pliers sort of thing, it didn't hurt but I screamed and made a huge fuss, as if it was a small boy joke gone wrong, so my exh, and exmother in law noticed, and shoted at him. He never did anything like that again, to me, in 22 years.

Don't expect your MIL to go against her pig of a husband.

Been there, done that.

She'll call you crazy/be in denial about her shithead spouse/call you a harlot etc etc

Sorry, that is sexual assault. Uninvited , inappropriate touching!!
Please say the above to him, in front of your MIL and don’t take him up on any further help with redecoration.

How old is he? If this behaviour is new it could be a symptom of something. Sudden Inappropriate behaviour sometimes is.

Raise the subject in front of MIL and see how she reacts
And tell him that if he ever lays a finger on you again, you'll be handing out a swift kick in the nuts and then reporting him to the police

How TF was it ‘just a joke’? Why are people still saying this in 2024?!!

OP, of course it was unacceptable and creepy. I think you need to confront him before too much more time passes by. Failing that, DH, given it is his dad.

Have you done this thread before op it very familiar.

Hi OP, I would have found it frightening too, and frozen at the time..

However, you do need to find a way of learning to protect your body, and maybe you could start by reading up on assertiveness skills etc?
Imagine you had a daughter and saw him smack HER backside, what would you say then?
As women we are conditioned not to stand up for ourselves.
Your natural dependence on your husband to defend you shows you have not learned skills like that (yet). If you allow this to pass, he will learn that you are silently compliant and carry on.
You need a few planned phrases in your head, to say if he does this again.
Something like 'Dont touch me I DONT LIKE BEING TOUCHED'
or 'I will tell your wife if you touch me again' (more confrontational).
It certainly doesn't help to have rafts of women in this thread saying how immediately assertive they would have been and what they would have said. Not all of us find it easy.

Being personally assertive is something you can learn though, so good luck, you can do it.

You need to find your anger and protect your personal space. It's totally unacceptable from FIL. I'd have turned round and said "what the actual fuck do you think you are doing?" If he left them so be it.

You need to stick up for yourself, tell him you were appalled and that it’s assault. There was a thread last year about a fil doing the same and the dil was appalled. The family was not particularly bothered and I think she’s gone nc with her in laws. Personally, I’d be disgusted and would have instinctively kicked out, hopefully connecting to his face. Hope you’re ok.

@UsernameRandomA1 ignore all the i would have said this people. My response would have also been to freeze and say nothing, as we have been conditioned to accept this behaviour but what a worrying amount of posters have said. I’m sorry your DH has not got your back either.
I would tell DH that your FIL isn’t allowed back and that he needs to suggest he goes to the Gp for a dementia assessment.

Absolutely unacceptable but like others, I would have called it out then and there. I don't need a man to speak for me if I think something is not acceptable.
Also I have Dyspraxia and I can 100% decorate, I just get covered in paint and it takes me a bit longer (missing point of thread with this one I know)....

It was sexual assault. Not a joke and no less sexual assault even if "on an impulse." Can't believe the minimizing going on here. Actually, looking at some posters' other contributions it's sadly all too believable.

OP - I'd tell your DP you won't have FIL in the house again unless a very explicit apology is forthcoming.

Yes I agree, my fil gad dementia and he started to do and say strange things. Uncomfortable as it was I just had to remember it wasn't him it was his illness. He has died now and I miss the cantankerous old git

I would have responded to him as though he was a naughty child "umm no thank you!" If he makes a habit of it I'd rip him to shreds but if it was a one off impulse mistake on his part I'd get over it and move on. There are bigger things in life to worry about

Sounds like your DH is avoiding conflict but the tension is already there because of what your FIL did.

If you feel comfortable, raise it yourself with FIL telling him never ever to touch you again. Hopefully DH will support you even if he can't bring himself to say anything.

He'd not be welcome in my house again. Fuck it being an "impulse". He did it because he thought he could get away with it. I have zero tolerance for this misogynistic bullshit and sexual assault. This is exactly what it is. He assaulted you.

"Why did you slap my arse the other day? Never, ever do that again ok?"

You bottom, your boundaries. Make a show of it in front of people. Look him dead in the eyes, serious face and wait for an answer.

If he makes a joke of it, say "it wasn't funny. Don't do it ever again"

Tell him he'd better not do it again as a swift kick often offends

Dirty bastard....