DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

They look sad, boring, I’m not into organised religion and there’s a strong element of misogyny. 20 centuries of catholic religion and we’ve never had a female pope.

Yep, but if she posts looking for opinions, she's going to get them!

Yes, of course. What's all this talk about opinions? Nobody has denied anyone's right to express their opinion.

But she also has to accept that there may be consequences for her bold decision.

Women are to blame for the consequences of what they wear? Careful with that one...

Yep, but if she posts looking for opinions, she's going to get them!

Of course she's perfectly entitled to wear whatever she wants. But she also has to accept that there may be consequences for her bold decision. Her DH might not accompany her. Other parents might snigger. Teachers might lose a bit of respect for her etc.

Humans judge. All the time. We make split second decisions based on first impressions. Is it right? Is it fair? Maybe. Maybe not. But it's human nature.

I think her husband offering an opinion after she asked for it, is perfectly acceptable. I'm sure she'd have an opinion if he said he wanted to wear Speedos and flip-flops!

Thing is though it’s at her children’s school. She is, to a certain extent, representing them. If you went to a normal
party and got drunk and threw up it wouldn’t be a big deal, but would you do that at school party? If not why not? Because it would not be a great advert for your kids at the school. I would put dressing in a see through dress at a school do because you want to be ‘empowered’ and ‘hot’ in the same category.

Putting everything on display doesn’t equal hot or sexy.

What’s wrong with nuns?

Because sometimes (not ALL the time) I just enjoy going out, putting some lipstick, making myself pretty, being flirty, looking girly, having a good time, feeling desirable, celebrating the fact I’m healthy, good looking and can pull the sexy look. It’s a way of celebrating life and the fact we’re a short time in this planet and looks will fade so let’s take advantage while we can. It doesn’t necessarily mean I want to pull a couple of guys, f-ck that.

I’m sure the OP is an accomplished strong confident woman and I’m sure there’s much more to her than a fit sexy body, this said… if she’s having an “attention seeking moment” and wants to flaunt her curves she’s in her perfect right to do it so let her have some fun. She may not be able to do or may not have the confidence in 10 years time so let her enjoy her life.

(Gosh, MN sounds like a bunch of nuns sometimes)

Human beings who wish to have sex need to attract a person who wants to have sex with them. Only a small minority of people are sexually attracted to others purely based on cerebral reasons. The majority of us are sexually attracted to the physical appearance of the person. There are certain elements of physical appearance that have wide spread appeal to people of a particular sexuality. If a woman wishes to attract the sexual attention of a heterosexual man for example, there are ways of dressing that will increase her chances of doing so, because lots of her target demographic find that look sexually attractive. When we say dress to be sexy (to heterosexual men) this is what we mean by it.

FFS, I am sure the OP has more about her than a good body for a 40+ year old. I bet she is a formidable woman who doesn’t need to get her norks out for attention.

I am pro strong women. I think the OP should be proud to be fit, strong and healthy. However wearing an outfit to create “any” attention, good or bad, is not a good look. I think the OP is better than that.

I don’t think I have ever dressed to be sexy in my life. The idea makes me laugh my head off. It is a very weird idea to me.

Can someone please explain to me why this is something worth doing?

Well people can always disagree and hold different opinions.

That's literally the point I was making.

You don't find the dress sexy, fine. But just as nobody can tell you you are factually wrong and it objectively is, nor can they say to another person who thinks it is sexy that they're wrong and it objectively isn't. Sexiness is one of the most subjective things in the world. Which is why it's a bit strange to see talk of women being confused about what sexy is, because there isn't a single definition nor an authority on it. If someone thinks it's sexy, then to them it is. No confusion.

Well people can always disagree and hold different opinions. My opinion is that photo is not flattering. The underwear looks frumpy, she looks awkward and not very comfortable. I did however say that it's only a split second snapshot and perhaps in person it looked much better.

Personally, I don't think it's sexy. And that dress certainly isn't the sexy you're looking for at a glamorous exclusive private school ball.

OP obviously disagrees, as is her prerogative. But the majority of people sampled here think it's not sexy. The same percentage of people at her event are likely to think it's not sexy. Her DH doesn't think it's sexy. But if she does, then why not?

But don't ask the opinion of others if you're so confident in your own belief. You don't need the approval of others if you are confident in your own self.

That's the wrong question. If someone did think it was sexy, does anyone have the authority to tell them they are wrong?

Do you think the original photograph is sexy?

Surely "sexy" is something of an amorphous concept? I don't think anyone can dictate what is or isn't sexy.

Yes, it does seem that women are 'confused' as to what sexy clothes are. But also, AR has recently got divorced and maybe there's an element of 'I've still got it, dont I ? ' in it.. She has talked about the importance of not failing for Indian womanhood, the shame of failing..

here's my 2 cents of sexy clothes information; in my thirties I brought a dress from Laura Ashley that was base on a little girl dress; tartan bodice and full skirt with white collar and white cuffs. It was what the French call 'le style anglais'. I was 30 and had had enough of being treated as an easy lay by men, it was my 'I won't shag just anybody' dress. It suited me very well, and was a beautiful dress. I called it my 'no' dress. Other women told me that no man would talk to me wearing that dress, and and my male counsellor told me that women had clearly no idea what made a dress sexy. he said that it proposed a challenge, they'd want to get it off. Men didn't stop talking to me about it and what it represented. One man said to me, you obviously don't want to be treated like a sex object (damn right!). It got men talking to me practically more than they ever had before. Another story, I was a holday sea side town. I had a black bikini, nothing extraordinary, very modest. I flung on a a light, yellow dress to go into town to buy something, and the cars started screeching and beeping as they tried to avoid crashing into the lights or shops as the drivers clocked me. The 'hide and seek' aspect of that dress drove men mad.

I could have some fun wearing that 😂where did you find it?

Here you go OP - all the nudity except none of your nudity.

@TimetoPour You can still be beautiful, sexy and confident without wearing something obviously made to seek attention.

So what’s wrong with wanting attention? Why is “modesty” a good thing for women ? If women had stayed home during history and never “seeked attention” we would still be needing our husbands permission to drive a car.

she wants to grab attention, so what? Let her get her attention!

Ok, so if I am reading correctly:

1. you like the sheer, see through style of dress- not necessarily the one in the picture
2. you have a lovely figure that could carry a see through dress
3. you would like to wear a see through, sheer dress to a school ball
4. you are cross with you DH because although he said he thinks Anita always looks lovely, he doesn’t think it is appropriate for you to wear this style to the school ball.

I don’t think your DH is being mean or controlling. This unconventional dress will attract attention and be gossiped about. Are you still ok with this if the attention turns out to be negative (which I think it will, based on this thread)? If your children hear this gossip, are you prepared for you and them to face the backlash?

You can still be beautiful, sexy and confident without wearing something obviously made to seek attention.

Anita, if this is you then you need to sack your publicist because that photo doesn't flatter you 😉

What if the OP is Anita Rani herself (or her publicist) trying to capitalise on the 2 mins of red carpet dress malfunction fame? I had never heard of said woman before this thread.

(Takes another sip of the koolaid)

To be fair @DontShow you have not read most of the posts here in good faith yourself if you think many of the women who have replied are judging you for looking or being sexy.

Many of the replies have been giving advice on how best to look sexy at this event. I think there has been a lot of support on this thread. Just maybe not exactly what you wanted to hear.