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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress

905 replies

DontShow · 15/06/2024 06:39

Going to a ball soon, and I want to wear something lovely, also fashionable.

I was looking at more transparent dresses, as they seem to be in and I definitely have the figure for this. I am 46.

DH said it's all inappropriate. He's never really been fussy about me looking sexy before, he has always liked me to look classy, I call it Princess of Wales style.

So I said, what about Anita Rani, she is my age and looked amazing. "Let's see" he said, "I have always thought she is beautiful". So he looks at the photo for a while, says nothing about her, but says I should not wear something like that as it would be sad.

So, AIBU, or do you need a divorce like Anita to wear what you want at 46?
She has credited her divorce as the catalyst for wearing this, and I think she looks amazing frankly!

DH, Anita Rani and the see thru dress
OP posts:
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HollyFern1110 · 15/06/2024 12:50

I do admire the self confidence required to wear something like this and to know you look good in it.

It's really not a ball gown though, and certainly not appropriate for a ball at your child's school.

FWIW, I'd feel that way no matter who was wearing it.

Original poster
DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:50

CandidHedgehog · 15/06/2024 12:46

It’s not an ‘or’. In my opinion lot of men are likely to appreciate the view and laugh at how pathetic and attention seeking the wearer appears. That particularly goes for the sort of man who sends his kids to posh private schools. Upper class men have never let seeing non-U women as inferior stop them having sex with the women in question.

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Omg, it's not naice enough to be a posh wife, just giving cheap shag? Wow

OP posts:
user3344556 · 15/06/2024 12:48

This thread is hilarious.

@DontShow Wear it or don't. Who cares?

Adding: in my experience these things are often in quite chilly old halls, so don't wax!

GardenGnomad · 15/06/2024 12:47

Anita Rani is beautiful.
The dress she has on isn't showing that beauty in my opinion. If she's happy though no one else's opinion matters.
Same for you @DontShow . Wear what you want with happiness!

CandidHedgehog · 15/06/2024 12:46

DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:31

Not really, but seriously confused that a pp couldn't see that not 'everyone' would be laughing at someone who was wearing revealing clothing and clearly felt good!

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It’s not an ‘or’. In my opinion lot of men are likely to appreciate the view and laugh at how pathetic and attention seeking the wearer appears. That particularly goes for the sort of man who sends his kids to posh private schools. Upper class men have never let seeing non-U women as inferior stop them having sex with the women in question.

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/06/2024 12:44

IDontFeelItAnymore · 15/06/2024 07:25

I mean, I don't think a see-through dress works in real life; it's more of a red carpet trying to grab a headline type choice.

However - your DH can shove it with having an opinion on how you 'should' look as it's entirely your business and not his.

There are many things people could wear that would be a surefire indicator that we do not see eye to eye.

If my partner suddenly dressed like a goth, for example, I would certainly have an opinion on it!

DodoTired · 15/06/2024 12:43

Sorry that’s just inappropriate for a ball. This is a dress for red carpet or instagram.
by all means have a date with your DH and wear a dress like that, but please don’t wear this to an occasion with other people (formal one at that)

KimberleyClark · 15/06/2024 12:43

tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/06/2024 12:40

Wear what you like - I think it’s ok. It’s what makes you happy or feel confident.

Even if her kid(s) will never live it down?

SloaneStreetVandal · 15/06/2024 12:43

DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:31

Not really, but seriously confused that a pp couldn't see that not 'everyone' would be laughing at someone who was wearing revealing clothing and clearly felt good!

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Revealing is only sexy if it's subtle though. Otherwise it just becomes a bit silly and exhibitionist. The dress in your OP is hideous, and as others have suggested, only worn to grab attention - celebrities do that!
You'll be hard pushed to find a full sheer dress off the catwalk, because whilst they've been around forever, they're just not popular.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/06/2024 12:40

Wear what you like - I think it’s ok. It’s what makes you happy or feel confident.

notacooldad · 15/06/2024 12:38

Celebrities wear dressess for attention at media events.
I'm suspect Anita Rani wouldn't wear that to a regular ball.

Thulpelly · 15/06/2024 12:37

fieldsofbutterflies · 15/06/2024 12:36

Well, until you're not allowed into the ball for dressing inappropriately, sure.

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Depends on the party 😂

fieldsofbutterflies · 15/06/2024 12:36

Thulpelly · 15/06/2024 12:35

You literally can wear exactly what you like and you don’t need permission, validation or approval from anyone.

Well, until you're not allowed into the ball for dressing inappropriately, sure.

Thulpelly · 15/06/2024 12:36

Thulpelly · 15/06/2024 12:35

You literally can wear exactly what you like and you don’t need permission, validation or approval from anyone.

Including mumsnet^

madroid · 15/06/2024 12:36

I think it encourages other people to relate to you on a very visual level.

This might suggest that you lack confidence in being able to hold a conversation or have anything interesting to say.

It's all about how you look, rather than who you are - the most superficial way of relating to other people and might end up as a bit of a depressing evening for you if you'd hoped to have any interesting chats with new people.

Thulpelly · 15/06/2024 12:35

You literally can wear exactly what you like and you don’t need permission, validation or approval from anyone.

SloaneStreetVandal · 15/06/2024 12:34

I don't like the dress in the OP. In fact I think its bloody awful!

Some sheer dresses are lovely (those that are sheer at midriff and shoulders for example - and only in black, or a dark green/blue), but there aren't many occasions where a white/ivory complete sheer is appropriate 🙈 Maybe at Amnesia or Pacha?! Certainly not a school ball ffs 😂

WhereAreWeNow · 15/06/2024 12:34

DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:19

I've actually never seen her in a dress. But I do think she's sexy tbh!

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Really? She looks desperately unhappy. Walking several feet behind your fully dressed man while nearly naked doesn't seem sexy to me. I worry about Bianca Censori's wellbeing.

Original poster
DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:32

Now the judgy-pants can really come out because I mentioned the male gaze!

OP posts:
Original poster
DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:31

BudgetQ · 15/06/2024 12:29

So you’re in search of male attention?
No wonder your husband isn’t thrilled.

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Not really, but seriously confused that a pp couldn't see that not 'everyone' would be laughing at someone who was wearing revealing clothing and clearly felt good!

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 15/06/2024 12:30

I love the dress. I think I would be more comfortable (physically and psychologically) with a romper-style bodysuit or a short, nude slip underneath. I’m not entirely sure that it’s appropriate for a school ball as it is, (because… school. I would absolutely wear it to a NYE do or a different charity ball, but not for a school.) however, if you love it and you have the confidence to rock it, I would absolutely fight in your corner if anyone said anything. Also, fuck anyone who tries to shame you. I would kill to have that kind of body positivity.

theowlwhisperer · 15/06/2024 12:30

DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:13

I can't help wondering if any menz who laughed in front of you/other women would have had a different reaction on their own/with other men.

Sorry, but some men like a woman who struts around with not a lot on and think she looks good.

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what you are spectacularly missing is that they also look at women who don't wear tacky dresses and think they looks good or hot.

You don't look better or more attractive in a tacky dress. You can think "nice arse" without thinking the woman actually looks good.

BudgetQ · 15/06/2024 12:30

DontShow · 15/06/2024 12:28

Double standards then?

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Ah. Are you trying to wind up your husband? Is he not being very affectionate / attentive?

Applesonthelawn · 15/06/2024 12:29

I think you will look ridiculous and to save people the embarrassment you should choose something else. You may look good from a fashionista point of view (if this is what you are aiming for) but people will cringe at the inappropriateness. I say this as someone who spends a lot on clothes and is a bit "out there" myself even at 65. Your kids will never forgive you. People will accuse you of pre-menopausal desperation. Grossly unfair perhaps, but just don't open yourself and your loved ones up to it.

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