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Original poster

To be furious with MIL

31 replies

Thaw2024 · 15/06/2024 02:26

My 6 yo DD was recently in hospital (last week) for a week with an unknown, frightening bacterial infection that totally floored her. She had a temp in the 40s for 10 days straight and we are all slightly traumatised by the ordeal. Thankfully she is okay now and was back to school this week.

Whatever it was we are quite sure that she caught it at her step cousins bday party as he was also very unwell right up until the day before the party and the illness followed the same pattern, apart from my DD ending up in hospital with it. I have some feelings around the party going ahead but anyway we live and learn (!)

Monday comes along and I have work so I drop my 8 month old to MIL in the morning. She proceeds to tell me that her baby step cousin who she also looks after on a Monday has had D&V but seems okay now, she tells me that baby step cousins mum (same mum as the boy who had the bday party) expressed concern about this but she told her not to worry that these things happen and kids are just going to pass stuff to each other. I ask her directly at this point if baby with D&V is in the clear and she says he hasn’t been symptomatic since Saturday. I find out when I pick baby up that he’s been unwell that day.

So now 6yo DD1, 8 month old DD2 and me all have a sick bug. All with low grade temp, body aches, nausea, diarrhea.

I’m just so fucked off that I was not given the heads up about this so that I could make a choice as a parent. I’m not usually a helicopter parent but the hospital stay really frightened me and I thinks it’s so selfish and thoughtless to not even mention this considering DD1s immunity is going to be low at this point, I don’t want to risk her going downhill again so soon and this is now the 4th weekend in a row that she’s missed football practise which she is heartbroken about.

im just sitting and stewing at this point thinking of all the cross words I want to send to her on WhatsApp but I haven’t and I don’t know if I need talking off a ledge or not. I don’t blame DH’s stepsister for this because it’s my MIL I am entrusting to be thoughtful when taking care of the children. I just wish she’d at least given us the heads up instead of casually mentioning when I’d already driven her there. Hopefully this’ll be a mild illness and we’ll all be okay but I’m anxious about DD1 in the meantime 😢

OP posts:
parentfodder · 15/06/2024 06:09

The first incident is nothing to do with mil. You don't know for sure dc caught it there and you chose to attend. No one could have known how awful this would be for your dc.

The second incident I would be annoyed about. Mil should have said no to cousin.

Id either say nothing and consider other childcare although tbf in nursery many children will be sent in ill. Staff may also feel pressured to work when ill.

Or ask her not to have ill dc and you won't send yours when ill

endoflthelinefinally · 15/06/2024 04:32

You will have to find someone you trust to provide your child care. Sometimes that means paying for it, but at least you have control.

Blinds1 · 15/06/2024 03:11

I also think you are angry with yourself.
Unfortunately your MIL may be well meaning but she is not to be trusted.
I don't believe this thing of let the bugs go round. No one needs D&V. Your daughter just out from hospital certainly doesn't.
Don't send the WhatsApp, but maybe rethink childcare.

Original poster
Thaw2024 · 15/06/2024 03:05

MrsSquiggleshouldbeaspinoff · 15/06/2024 02:53

I can see why you’re angry with MIL but I also think you are angry with yourself.

She told you when you arrived. You chose to leave your child there knowing that there was a sick/recovering child. Yes, more notice would’ve been better but it was still ultimately on you to decide to leave your child there.

Don’t send anything or blow up the relationship but do make a decision going forward on your childcare arrangements. Perhaps you need to find alternative care? Perhaps a text in a week or so asking MIL to give more notice about sickness in the household as this latest illness really hit your household hard.

You are totally right, I am angry with myself for making that decision not to have left there and then. Tbh regardless of whether I’d done that I’d still be angry that she’d wasted my time driving there, not having had the opportunity to make alternative plans rather than just sending a quick text to let me know.

OP posts:
MrsSquiggleshouldbeaspinoff · 15/06/2024 02:53

I can see why you’re angry with MIL but I also think you are angry with yourself.

She told you when you arrived. You chose to leave your child there knowing that there was a sick/recovering child. Yes, more notice would’ve been better but it was still ultimately on you to decide to leave your child there.

Don’t send anything or blow up the relationship but do make a decision going forward on your childcare arrangements. Perhaps you need to find alternative care? Perhaps a text in a week or so asking MIL to give more notice about sickness in the household as this latest illness really hit your household hard.

Sablecat · 15/06/2024 02:34

Silence is golden and there would be a lot more silence in future for your MIL. She would never so much as look after a cat for me, let alone a child. I would talk to your husband and present a united front.

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