To be furious with MIL

Your MIL certainly can't be trusted and I would end using her as childcare.

As for you, you really need a chance to unwind and catch your breath. The situation with your 6 year old was terrifying. It is definitely going to take time for you to recover emotionally from that. I had a similar experience with my son when he was four and it was incredibly traumatic.

Can you not just use cousin rather than the completely unnecessary to the story step-cousin.
Just pay for nursery but be warned that is bugtastic.

If the alternative is nursery, she can expect even more illness

Tbf she did tell you. She just minimised it and you made a judgement call.

I think I wouldn't be trusting her word again though. Sounds like you've all been through the mill. Feel better.

I think your anger is misdirected.

MIL had nothing to do with stepcousin’s bday party and it is not likely the step cousin was contagious then anyway. Many illnesses follow the same pattern without being the same illness- think of the common cold, flu and Covid for example. All the same pattern, but different viruses of differing severity.

MIL did give you a heads up. She likely didn’t know until Monday morning either. You decided to leave your child anyway. And that is ok, most D&V can be avoided from being passed on by practicing good hygiene and keeping sick baby separate from well child.

Even with paid nursery and school, parents often send sick children in and you don’t even have a clue when you drop your child off. Children will be dosed with calpol and the parent will act surprised when they vomit all over their classmates.

i understand the hospital visit was frightening and has put you on high alert, but I see no reason to be angry towards your MIL or even yourself.

I agree with PP. MIL isn’t trustworthy and she wouldn’t be looking after my DC again.

She sounds stupid and untrustworthy, I wouldn't be using her as childcare anymore.

Has mil not got sick?

This. Plus you Were told.

Pay for childcare and you'll see worse and they get more bugs.

OP also just want to say I do understand and am sorry that you had a difficult situation with your daughter and am glad she is out of the woods.

But on this occasion I would say shouting at MIL would be the wrong thing to do.

Does she look after your children when they’re ill

Yep.

His family clearly have terrible judgement and therefore cant be trusted.

I feel abit for your MiL. All.thrse germy kids being sent for her to care for. Hope her immune system is strong!

If your kid was in nursery you wouldn't have got a heads up on the door

I bloody hate people like the step cousin's parents who are determined to parade their sick children around, tossing germs like confetti.

Selfish twattish behaviour.

Keep sick children home FFS.

OP, going forward I'd call ahead before any social thing with them and just check that everyone is well.

If you arrive and they are sick, then don't get upset, just say unfortunately your family needs to go, as you're trying to avoid illness.

She told you when you arrived. You chose to leave your child there knowing that there was a sick/recovering child. Yes, more notice would’ve been better but it was still ultimately on you to decide to leave your child there. this - it's on you

But you left the baby there knowing she was going to potentially be exposed to illness.

You can always pay for childcare if you're not happy with MIL.

So sorry. My ds2 was in hospital with flu as a baby because someone took their poorly child out somewhere. Your MIL might still be the best choice of childcare though as many nurseries are far worse for germs and bugs.

You were warned the child was ill and yet you left your baby there. She warned you.

I’d be furious too. Yes, children infect each other with all kinds of things, but surely all right-thinking people would try to protect babies from D&V bugs.

I wouldn’t say anything to MIL because it’s probably pointless, but I would look into alternative childcare. I’d want my child to be looked after by someone who was on the same page as me about illnesses and risk.

Agree with other posters, more notice would have been better but ultimately you did know and still chose to leave your child there.

It’s a difficult one because you could absolutely take control and start putting your child in nursery rather than using MIL for childcare but as others have said, it’s terrifying how many children get sent into nursery with cold/flu/vomitting etc, so it’s a case of taking the chance of 1 ill child with MIL or mixing with potentially 25 children at nursery who are poorly. MIL is right to an extent, kids do pass everything to each other and then bring it home to share with their family as well, the joys!

Yes, she ought to have told you in advance. Ultimately, it was your decision and you chose to leave the baby there

I'd be fucked off at MIL as well. In fact my PIL never babysat for this reason. My eldest had medical issues and MIL was very 'tra la la, germs build immunity' against medical advice.

The time to make your point was on her doorstep. You were warned and you agreed to the terms when you dropped her there.

You should have said then and there 'I'm not comfortable with that, I'll be taking DD home if that's the case.' Turned on your heel and left.

Then MIL would be spreading the word for you and the family would know that it's not acceptable.

But you accepted it. It's hard when you're put on the spot.

Don't send a PA text message - call MIL and say that you need to be more cautious about illness now. She can babysit whom she chooses but you would like an earlier heads up when there have been bugs about because you'll be keeping DD home.

Nursery wouldn't be any better for germs so MIL might be the lesser of two evils.

I'm presuming that you don't pay MIL for looking after your kids and that she is doing you a massive favour by providing free childcare. As she is to SSIL by still caring for her child when no other childcare setting would. She isn't going to adhere to the same guidelines as a school or nursery. And this might actually work in your favour in the future when your children are sick but you cannot afford to take the time off work.

If you don't like how she does things, then you need to make alternative arrangements. But I think if you blow up at MIL, all that will happen is MIL won't be willing to help you out in future.

I would be hacked off about this too TBH. The problem is unless you can stay home when they are ill ,what can you do? I am a retired Nursery Nurse and illness is part of life there! Going forward say to MIL that you would rather be told in future of any illness ,And you will do the same .Sadly though this is part of life with kids!