To want to stop playing roulette? Please help

This is an old-ish thread… hope the op is doing ok.

Hi OP you have already jumped the first hurdle by recognising you have a problem. Next hurdle is seeking help, and the good news is there is lots of help out there. Have a look at GamCare, (google GamCare and you will find it) it’s a brilliant website in itself , and can also signpost you to other resources.

Please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, these games and websites exist to extract money out of you.

You are an addict. If you were honest about the savings I'm sure that your husband would take more action to support you.

Your addiction is already out of control and it is a high risk of destroying your marriage and life.

It needs to stop today. If you need proper support then get it but please make today day 1 of your life without gambling

Let's try some reasoning.

The game has a negative expected payoff. Translation: over the long term the house always wins. That's guaranteed. The more you play, the more certain it is that you will lose (because of the law of large numbers).

Ever been to Vegas? How much did all those amazingly grand buildings cost? It wasn't paid for by winners!

Now, let's appeal to your psychology. The game is probably designed with lots of flashy visuals and exciting noises to stimulate our internal reward system - that may be part of the appeal for you. If you really can't do without that, then play a different game (there are plenty) that doesn't involve gambling. And, ask yourself if your life should really amount to treating yourself like some over-stimulated laboratory rat who relies on flashy graphics, electronic noises and the occasional win (between the inevitably greater losses) for your own self-validation. You're better than that!

Go and read a book - I recommend The Confidence Game by Maria Konnikova - it's about how smart people are taken in by losing propositions.

This - just tell him he needs to delete the app and set it up again in secret.

sign up to exclude yourself

treat it as an addiction- plan a distraction for the times when you used to play. Films / walks / cooking ?

On my bank account I can set my cards and things not to allow debits for gambling accounts, could you do the same?

Otherwise you need to tell DH to set the app up in such a way that you cannot access it at all.

You are an addict, you need to use all the tools available to help you stop. And I do mean STOP. Addicts can't moderate, it's all or nothing..

Move your savings into an inaccessible account. In an emergency banks will give you your money out if these accounts if you ring them. When I left abusive ex I had to do this, it took maybe half an hour on the phone.

Every month Move your monthly expenses into the current savings account and transfer yourself the money back every single time you want to spend it. It will make spending money a ballache and give you time to stop yourself and think about what you're doing.

Get DH to put a password on. Get yourself excluded from all gambling sites, and get help from Gambling Anonymous or similar.

Honestly, there are gambling addicts out there who wish they'd had your self-awareness and taken action while their losses were measured in hundreds, not tens of thousands.

I was so bad on Christmas I was cooking the dinner & losing £2k at the same time, that was when I knew I had to stop, I was £25k in debt, I used credit cards, my overdraft, I used to sit up until my money went in the bank so I could play, I had my bank account forcibly closed & my debit card cancelled, I even once left 5 year old ds asleep in bed & drove to the petrol station to get a payment ticket so I could play. I'm not proud of what I was like, I haven't gambled in 10 years.

Get dh to change the password & not tell you what it is. Any gambling sites in your own name, self exclude, you can often exclude for life. I was addicted to online bingo & I had to do this.

This is so true and very wise words.

It’s absolutely right that your husband won’t be as disappointed in you as you are in yourself and it’s the best feeling in the world when you get the support and have the strength to stop feeling that disappointment and shame.

I’ve been in recovery for 6 years now and not even had one slip up or the slightest temptation to go back to my old ways. The pride I feel about being clean is better than anything else I’ve ever felt.

@Achangeisacoming
For some people it’s wine. For others it’s gin. For still others it’s weed or blow or the ponies or sitting in front of a slot machine in Vegas.
For you it’s roulette, and you’ve been brave and honest and admitted it here.
Alcoholics go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Some folks drink themselves to death.
You know you need help - if you can’t quit by yourself, wouldn’t the bigger shame be in NOT asking your husband for help before your savings runs out - and being forced into telling him?
We every one of us have our weaknesses. It’s our strength in admitting them that sees us through.
I believe in you - so does your husband.
I think you’ll be surprised at how supportive he’ll be because, after all, he loves you.❤️
He won’t be half as disappointed in you as you are in yourself.

You can self exclude yourself via gamstop so you can’t gamble online at all. Either that or why don’t you set up your own account on your phone and set a deposit limit on? I’d only recommend that though if you know you’d stick to it.

it’s a slippery slope and you will end up losing out - everyone knows the house always wins.
You need to be honest with your husband and ask him to restrict your access.

My DP worked 7 days a week for 3 years and built up a really decent amount of savings before we moved in together. He cut back on everything to save for the future then saw a promotion for online roulette. He started off winning and got drawn in deeper and deeper and in the space of 6 months he’d lost all his savings.
He started going to casinos with his wages and blowing it all in one night, I lent him money and he’d struggle to pay me back leaving me short.

Eventually I told him he had a gambling problem and if he didn’t stop I’d leave him. I couldn’t risk losing everything myself, I’ve had issues with addiction myself and he supported me so I couldn’t judge (and wouldn’t anyway) so we contacted gamstop together and got him self excluded for online and real life casinos.

Once the temptation was removed he actually found it easy to stop and despite buying too many lottery tickets he’s not gambled since.

I think it helped we caught it early before he built up serious debt and he knows the harm addiction can do. It also helped that he joined me for addiction support and there were the tools to stop him accessing casinos. It’s absolutely heartbreaking knowing that he worked so hard and gave up so much of his life to basically throw money away.

Please don’t let this ruin your life, you might think you have it under control but you clearly don’t. Don’t feel ashamed to ask for help or admit you are struggling either, it’s better to be open with your husband now rather then getting drawn in deeper and him finding out.

It sounds like a habit that you’ve got into and it might help if you plan other things at the times you spend gambling online. Maybe you could join a gym? It’s a much better way of getting a dopamine hit!

One of the biggest parts of addiction is denial, it sounds like making this post is part of you finally admitting you have a gambling problem and so it’s the best time to act on it. If you find that you are still thinking about gambling and restricting access isn’t enough then look for additional support, there are lots of services out there that can help.

I feel the same way about Candy Crush. I've been playing for years. I know I should delete the apps - I have before but slid back into playing by telling myself I wouldn't spend anything. It's stupid.

@Garlicker have you tried an e cig? I was smoking 30 a day and bought one
Went about 6hrs without a cig which was the longest I had done in years! Got to 24hrs and thought well I can't smoke now

I did have to virtually attach it to my face for 2 days but I'm about 7 years cigarette free
Nothing else had worked because honestly I didn't really want to quit. Still enjoy the nicotine

@Achangeisacoming oh I see. Well there should be deposit limits and account break options but obviously I recommend you stop completely. It will get to the point you will need bigger wins to get the buzz and could get in a real mess. It's not worth it x

Nip it in the bud now. If you don't in a couple years what you've lost so far will seem like pennies.

Does your DH know or not as one of your comments says he knows exactly and another says he thinks you haven't touched them? Are you using his account?

I'd rather just stop smoking!

If I could, I'd have already done it. I'm about to hand a month's worth of fag money to a hypnotherapist ... and even she isn't confident it'll work, I'm that far down this smelly hole with little burn holes all the way down 😬

Like me, darling, you're an addict. Tell your DH. Use the word. The least he can do to help is lock you out of your account. Is this leaflet any help? https://d1ygf46rsya1tb.cloudfront.net/prod/uploads/2024/05/Support-for-Family-and-Friends-Due-Review-PRINT-2023.pdf

It's from GamCare.
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/

If it's on his phone can't he just not let you have it?