To be SO ANGRY with DM at end of exams meal

I do remember taking my gran out for a “nice lunch” once when she complained about absolutely everything, did the usual “half a cup of tea and a slice of tomato on toast”, because she had no appetite, complained that the food was too expensive, cold, not good quality, restaurant was noisy etc. Not to the staff, just me. Then next weekend said could we go back there because it was so lovely last time! I was like 😳 🤯

What was the point of inviting if if meant ruining celebrations for your kids and you giving hard stares? YABU because you knew how your mum is and you still invited for a meal out for your kids.

TBH she just sounds like she’s 86! I think a lack of social filter, only wanting to direct the conversations to her own topics, being fairly “forthright” and a bit embarrassing is pretty normal! I think TBH she’s not going to change, so you might just have to try to learn to see the funny side and not react. They do call it a second childhood- maybe just think of it like that? Were your twins annoyed or did they just roll with it? I used to find my granny’s mad ways highly amusing as did my friends. If everyone else accepts it then stop thinking of it as a problem you have to sort out.

I also think she was right about the shirts!

I do think it’s fine to do stuff without her too- especially an evening meal with young friends- if she asks just reply matter of fact that it was for the twins and their school friends and she didn’t seem to enjoy it last time. Do something else with her instead, like lunch over the weekend.

Generalising a bit, but old people tend to talk about their deaths. Like teenagers take selfies. They also make many things about them.

Honestly, doesn't seem worth this level of rage.

I don't think the subject is the issue, it is more she made a celebration event for someone else all about her.

Has she sold her old home as maybe her money could buy somewhere a bit further away from where she lives a the moment?

Is she single? My dad would love her!! 🤣

Thank OP, for the perfect phrase to describe my DM - "positivity hoover"! I couldn't say for sure if she's ever enjoyed anything as it's all doom and gloom with her. Also, comments about how much other people (me) are eating, how she's so full after half a potato, what exactly is wrong with the (perfectly nice) meal that we're eating (and I'm enjoying!). Also has a sideline in comments about the appearance of any woman that she sees on TV and whether they've had work done on their face or put on weight.

I can ignore or laugh it off at the time, but it just grinds you down over the years!

I was going to say don’t invite her, but I see you have moved her into your home, so I’m afraid you are stuck with it.

I don’t invite our elderly relatives to things that I think they will spoil. My DC have an event in a few weeks and my DH wanted to invite his parents and I said a flat NO. I’m sick of going to be part of what will be a fantastic memory of my DC, only to be spoilt by his family sucking the joy out of it.

The decreasing oestrogen is brilliant. It makes you give no f*cks anymore. I do include in-laws and my own lot in some things, but I think it through and if it seems like it will end up in a place where I am upset, or have a crap time, or I end up losing out seeing my DC do something, then the answer is NO, they aren’t invited.

I will be moaning at 85 too..Much as I think I won't be.

Your family your celebration up to you how ever many meals/parties/sleepovers etc you have, you are paying! nah next time leave her at home if neccessary force the kids to go see granny next day. remember at that age its excruciatingly bad enough having your folks there without grumpy gran as well. kids just facing their future and she is on about death great

Sorry has anyone ever met a grumpy 85 year old before? Why take anting personally? They don’t understand modern life and they complain all the time about everything.

Not all of them but a bloody lot. And yes she might just have always been like this but that generation aren’t like any other same as ours won’t be one day.

I think it’s lovely that she’s close by whinging and not in a care home with dementia being forgotten about by family.

OP believe it or not …. One day you’re going to MISS this and be laughing about it.

She's 85. I would put up with this. And still take her to meals.
But I don't belive in calling very elderly people miserable sods for a fairly small offence or putting them in homes for that either.

Good for you. They can still ban them from school grounds.

I do sometimes leave her out, and she tires too much for full family day trips now

This is your answer - no more meals out, family fun days instead.

It's easier when it's another generation removed. My daughter knows that my mother only operates on a very small-talk superficial level and that her needs are that we all reflect back her view of herself as perfect and the rest of us as needing all of her wisdom and guidance. It infuriates me to be so unheard, invalidated, patronised et cetera but my daughter just says, yeh, but it was tea and cake and fifty euro so ................ just smile and wave smile and wave mum.
It's harder for me.

My MIL is a "war baby" too- exact same age as your mum. She takes us out to restaurants all the time and insists on paying. She has health problems so a limited diet which is tricky to accommodate, so often needs to make menu adjustments so she tips well too.
Stop making excuses for your DM. She's a miserable sod. Don't invite her out again and tell her why!

Glad you've clarified that, OP!

Sounds like you just wanted a vent on here - vent away!

could you download the vid of a gorilla doing a big fart for the next time DM wants noises from nature?

It seems few posters have paid attention to this comment by OP.

She may have no filter but at least, if I understand correctly, she also has no time for sexist comments. Good for her.

As for the swastikas and N word on the shirts, is that on OP's kids shirts or their friends? I'm shocked at that.

Mine too. She came to the private view of an exhibition of my work ,ignored all the work and said how nice the floors in the gallery were. My sons are 30 and 31now. They know what she's like and we laugh about her classic cunty comments. You have my sympathy Op.My mum's 85 too.

Sympathies OP, she sounds like my own mum, I love her but she's an utter mood hoover.