To make my husband sleep outside.

He would rather you were anxious and your home and children were vulnerable than just carry a key?

He sounds horrible.

He literally just has to carry a key (or fit a key safe) in order for his wife to feel safe and his kids to be safe.

When you ask him directly why he won't just carry a key, what on earth is his answer?

This for all the posters saying let him in/keep enabling him

Yabu. He's on his way home and he's as entitled to sleep in it as you are.

Let him sleep outside, he's being completely ridiculous. We don't go to bed without double locking all doors when we're both home. If one of us is out after the other has gone to bed we leave one of the deadbolts off. Don't live in a particularly big or unsafe city it's just hard to sleep if you're feeling unsure of security. Wouldn't even dream of it in the greater London area, have heard from friends living there about startling burglars before.

He's supposedly an adult. He should trust himself to take a key and to be able to use it. Does he have a problem that prevents him from being able to successfully keep a key about his person then use that key to open a door?

You could consider leaving the door unlocked and taking yourself and the kids off to a local hotel to sleep securely. When he (eventually, perhaps in the morning) realises he's in an empty house and has zero idea of what's happened to you all, maybe he'll develop some appreciation of why you don't want to be leaving the door unlocked.

Does he lack empathy and understanding generally, or just on this matter?

Sounds like he’s a bit of a selfish tit who doesn’t care about you or the kids. I could bet he doesn’t do much to help around the house either.
Sounds like my husband who I’m separated from now. Work was more important than anything to him, and he said his job was so important he couldn’t get up with the kids when they were little! He’d rather go to the pub, or carry on working than come home, anything rather than helping us all, and stopping me from burning out 😭 blaming my parenting for our daughters autistics struggles. Never did anything nice with the kids for me. My daughter is currently paining a canvas for her dad for father’s days tomorrow. He manipulated my kindness so that I was doing absolutely everything

Take a key with you it’s not that hard. He’s an adult.

I would have left it open last night and slept on the sofa, before the stairs to the kids bedrooms, BUT I would have told him, it's the last time. Take his keys, like an adult, or sleep in the outbuilding.

but I wouldn't be in that position because I wouldn't be with such a melon or if somehow I was, I'd have said 'no' the first time

@FarawayFlower what happened last night?

You forgot to also say that you smoked and took thalidomide during pregnancy and your kids were fine and you don’t wear a seat belt or a helmet riding your pushbike on the motorway. FFS

Why?

@FarawayFlower really not normal behaviour and it’s controlling.
Tell him to confirm with the house insurance that you leave the house unlocked and empty and ask if he would be happy that his landing office leaves the back door unlocked?Really not normal behaviour

I’ve had my own key since I was 11, I assume her husband is a tad older than that. He needs to get a grip and stop being so selfish and casual about his families safety. It shouldn’t need to come to it that they stash the key outside just because he refuses to take his.

Even if she does get an outside key box thing who’s to say a man this irresponsible wouldn’t frequently claim he forgot the combination pin again ? OP needs to tackle the underlying issues which seems to be arrogance and disregard for his wife’s safet & needs. The fact he is OK to leave the door unlocked despite his wife saying she feels uncomfortable, just because he couldn’t be arsed taking a key is very concerning. It points to wider problems which will show up in other areas if it’s not addressed.

Leaving the back door unlocked not only leaves you vulnerable (note crime/burglaries are massively u where I live) but also invalidates your insurance.

Tell him to carry a key or get home by 11.

If he can’t be an adult and carry a key, he needs to make alternative arrangements. He should source a key box, buy it & fit it.
It’s not ok for your sleep/security to be compromised for his inability to adult.

This type of conversation in a relationship baffles me - where someone has to be right, and the other person wrong. Total non-event.

Mine doesn't like taking his keys either so I used to hide a key. Started to get a bit jittery about it as we had been burgled in the past so we had a 30 second conversation and ordered a keysafe. End.

So hea comfortable with the idea of three sleeping children and a sleeping wife in a dark house with the back door open for anyone to get in!? I couldn't sleep knowing the home was insecure. Plus you say you have a baby, why should you stay up so late for him when you'll be tired from the evening of looking after them plus two other children (assuming he goes for drinks right from work).

As other's have said, contents insurance void if a break in and an unlocked door, however the fact his wife and kids are in an unsafe position should be motivation enough to take his key! Or a key safe on the wall but you shouldn't have to do this. Following through and locking up might be your only recourse, and of course he'll turn it on you. But noone expects a burglary, or a home invasion. He might have a false sense of security from growing up in a village (incidentally I live in a village after moving from London, and ppl have had issues with their doors being tried during the night by someone/people, so it's not like they're all safe 100% of the time). What if he came home to something awful, bit late then!

If he's earning loads he probably feels you should facilitate his lifestyle in recompense but that's not how marriage works.

My husband never takes a key but I’ll just either let him in or leave the door unlocked I’m not bothered.

also though, I’ve never heard of networking / client entertaining in the city taking place on Friday nights ( especially so late) , post covid . They are just piss up nights!!

I hope you didn't let him in.

We have a shed, which locks with a combination lock. Inside the shed we keep a front door key, just in case we ever forget our keys.

As a pp said though, it's important to put the key back when you've used it.

OP, I would sort a spare key out for your shed, but also stash an old sleeping bag in there to be clear what his options are.

What an absolute prick. Who cares where he grew up, you live in London now and he needs to take a key. It's hardly big and heavy. He is a selfish man-baby.

I’d just go to bed, switch your phone to silent and go to sleep.

He’s an adult, up to him to take keys and get into his house. Not your problem

I don't believe it.
Male apologists again. Or are they men?
'Leave a key in the garden, get up and let the poor boy in, hide a key for him, it's alright to leave the door unlocked 24/7 - telling OP it's not rocket science to leave a key outside'
Facilitate the big man, who hasn't the wit to put a key in his pocket and lock up after him.

This is the only thing which will solve this issue.

At the moment you are being massively inconvenienced but he is fine - he doesn't care about you sleeping with the door unlocked or waking you up because he sees those things as small.

You need to find a way that this massively inconveniences his so that he starts taking his key.

He is being hugely selfish! I presume he has his wallet and phone, so why can't he take a key.

If he's insisting on not taking a key how about a key safe outside the house for situations when he's out? You could leave it empty at all other times. If that's a no no, then the next time he goes out, have an impromptu stay at a friends or family so he can't wake you asking you to get in

My ex husband used to do this, he used to 'forget' to take a key to work meaning I had to drive to his work in my way to work (cabin crew) so he could get in later with the children. It was all control and when I finally stood up and said no I'll leave a key with a neighbour he never did it again.
Yanbu. Let him sleep in the outbuilding

If OPs husband works in London, I'm guessing they live in or pretty close to London. You cannot leave doors unlocked or keys under flower pots if that is the case.
Local FB pages are full of people's CCTV/Ring doorbell footage of people walking up people's drives and blatantly trying door handles, and wandering round the side and back of houses to check it out. They nick parcels off doorsteps and check bins, flowerpots etc. This is in broad daylight! No way would I be leaving doors unlocked if I was asleep in the house with three small children.

Your DH is unbelievably selfish. No way would I be getting up to let him in.