To make my husband sleep outside.

Get a key box.

Tbf I'm in a village, but I hate having to take keys for a run so I just use the key box that I originally bought for tradesmen.

I suspect that the following might happen re the key safe:

OP will be told organise it;
If the H has to, he will buy a cheap, flimsy one;
He will make a big noise coming in;
He won’t return the key to the key safe;
He won’t lock the back door after him;
He may even leave the key on the outside of the door;
He may lose that key.

Yes, I’ve all this in previous house mates and ex partners ^^

I really don't think it's selfish or inconsiderate, it's worse than that, it's controlling.

By not taking a key, knowing that his wife will not leave the house unlocked, he's making sure that she stays at home while he's not there.

A key safe from Amazon is your answer. Or, just leave a key hidden somewhere.

I cannot believe that in this day and age he would be so selfish and inconsiderate for his family’s safety and welfare.

The point is that it's him preventing OP from sleeping in her home. Both of them could sleep in it when they want to if he would just carry a key like everyone else.

Key safe might be best way going forward but I cannot get to grip with a grown person not having his own key!!

He takes a key or he doesn't get back in. The End.
Tell him that's what's happening and stick to it.
If he wants to come up with a different solution such as a key safe, that's up to him.
I don't see why you should be expected to either wait up for him or get up to let him in and nor do I see why you should be put at risk of burglary or worse by leaving the door unlocked because a grown man is not capable of finding a solution to something like this. What would he do if he lived on his own? Leave his property unlocked so anybody could walk in and steal stuff while he's out drinking? Nope. He'd lock the door and take his fucking keys with him.

Tell him that for insurance purposes, the house needs to be locked when you're not in or asleep in bed. If you get robbed, the insurance company won't pay out.

AND he should take security seriously because he cares about his wife and children's safety as his number one priority. If he continues with this negligent behaviour, he will be coming home to an empty house, because you'll be leaving!

Haha! Brilliant plan

This is mental. Absolutely mental. A fully grown adult with an 'important' job can't take a key to his own home so insists his partner stays up for him to return whenever from a bender or risk an intruder to his three children. WTF. Never mind not taking key I wouldn't be unlocking it ever. It's so bloody selfish.

If he feels that strongly about it get a key safe lock box outside. It's mental

The kids can get him a nice keyring for Father's Day. Hopefully he'll then feel obliged to use it and carry his key around.

There are specialist therapists for people with key phobia .... he needs to research these.

He is very welcome to sleep in his bed. Just needs to take a key so he can get in. Why should OP stay up to 1am to let him in because he can’t be bothered to take a key? As a one off sure. As a regular thing no. This isn’t a mistake it’s a CONSCIOUS decision to inconvenience her

Yes, I was thinking combination lock (we have one) or key safe ........ although it crossed my mind to wonder if he was likely to come back so pissed he couldn't remember the code.
And of course the key has to go back in the key safe at once, which you probably can't count on him remembering to do.

I agree.

So many situations could be resolved before boiling over into resentment by just having a conversation.

HE can organise a key box or leave a key somewhere safe: it’s for his benefit

Cant you just fix a keysafe outside with one in? Pretty simple solution

Once my DS got to 10 he had his own key although he rarely needed it, because I was raising an adult.

Your DH does not live in a small village any longer and he would prefer his DW and DC to be vulnerable to god knows what on the regular and have your nerves frayed rather than do what every other adult I know does?

Like others our door is locked even when I'm at home.

He's an absolute bellend

It's not in any way difficult to take a key.

Sounds like he's being controlling, going out without a key to ensure his wife stays home.

100% this. And I said something similar earlier, why is the OP letting her husband behave like this? and why on earth is he out socialising til 1am 'straight from work' so often, whilst she is at home with their children? Does he actually partake in family life at all?! What's the actual point of him?

I stupidly let my husband do this years ago when DD was a baby. I was woken by a man walking up the stairs shouting my neighbours name! It was her booty call from the pub. I screamed at him and luckily the baby gate stopped him getting on the landing. I rang my husband furious, I was shaking! He always took a key from then on.

Absolutely no excuse for not carrying a key. We live in London. I used to leave the back unlocked because it was very hard to reach the back gardens (think block of terraced houses on all 4 sides). Someone still got into the back gardens over the one low roof in another street and got into our house. Fortunately someone had spotted what was happening and the police were called and disturbed him (the police arrived just as another family member got to the house) so the burglary ended very quickly but it could have been very different.

It’s very unlikely but how would he feel after if someone got in and harmed you all?

Much more likely - how would he feel if you’re burgled in the night and can’t claim on your insurance because the door was unlocked.

If he’s not grown up enough to carry a key, then he should come straight home from work and not go out!!!

Wtf is wring with him, why doesn't he listen to you?

I am willing to bet once the OP has put her foot down good and proper, and made her manchild of a husband take his own key, that when he comes in at midnight-1.00am, he will make as much noise as possible to make sure he wakes her... Just so she knows how angry he is. 😆

I would lose respect for him because of this attitude. Not only is it ridiculous behaviour for a grown man but he doesn’t care about you or your children’s safety. That lack of care would hit hard with me and I’d struggle to want to be with him anymore.