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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my husband sleep outside.

266 replies

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:13

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
Pinkrinse · 16/06/2024 21:18

I worked in the city, and whilst there is a culture of late night drinking it’s optional not compulsory. He’s a grown up he should have his own key. Pathetic!

ThingsPeopleDo · 16/06/2024 21:09

mrsdineen2 · 16/06/2024 21:00

You know it's possible to point out someone's an idiot without engaging the clichéd aibu bullshit about how you'd love to be a hardass employer overstepping all boundaries. This is about OP's husband being a dick to her, not you role-playing as his boss.

Point taken. I was just thinking if his judgement in this matter was so off, what's he like in other matters, including work? Of course the important things here are his attitude to wife and kids and their safety.

mrsdineen2 · 16/06/2024 21:00

ThingsPeopleDo · 16/06/2024 20:57

He wants a house in London kept unlocked with you and kids inside because he can't be bothered to carry/use a key? Really? I mean, seriously?? In the Smoke? If I employed him I'd be very concerned about his judgement. Danger to you and DC, no insurance cover, arrogance.........

BTW a locksmith told me that key safes are not all that secure.

Can family members talk some sense into him?

You know it's possible to point out someone's an idiot without engaging the clichéd aibu bullshit about how you'd love to be a hardass employer overstepping all boundaries. This is about OP's husband being a dick to her, not you role-playing as his boss.

mrsdineen2 · 16/06/2024 20:58

FarawayFlower · 15/06/2024 12:25

He slept outside in the outbuilding despite his protestations (which has a sofa, heater and TV so he was hardly hard done by, for those concerned!)

Funnily enough he is going to get another key cut whilst we are in town today, to ensure he can keep it in his work bag and always has a spare in future!

Yanbu at all, it's arrogant to think yourself above carrying keys and letting someone else worry about it. And his behaviour after midnight is awful.

As an aside, most blokes I know would love those alternative arrangements.

ThingsPeopleDo · 16/06/2024 20:57

He wants a house in London kept unlocked with you and kids inside because he can't be bothered to carry/use a key? Really? I mean, seriously?? In the Smoke? If I employed him I'd be very concerned about his judgement. Danger to you and DC, no insurance cover, arrogance.........

BTW a locksmith told me that key safes are not all that secure.

Can family members talk some sense into him?

twinmum2007 · 16/06/2024 20:57

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:13

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

Get one of these. Job done.
MASTER LOCK Key Safe Wall Mounted, Medium 85 x 119 x 36 mm, Outdoor, Mounting Kit, for Home Office Industries Vehicles, Black & Silver https://amzn.eu/d/gxwd5Rd

Gooly62 · 16/06/2024 20:52

RetirementIsGreat · 16/06/2024 20:31

I just changed my regular deadbolt and doorknob with one that I can use a key, fingerprint, code or app to enter or lock. Loving it. Just another alternative.

Brilliant

JustAnotherManicMomday · 16/06/2024 20:41

Can you not invest in a key safe and only put a key in it on occasions like this. If you know he needs it you put it in but if not leave it empty

RetirementIsGreat · 16/06/2024 20:31

I just changed my regular deadbolt and doorknob with one that I can use a key, fingerprint, code or app to enter or lock. Loving it. Just another alternative.

Bugbabe1970 · 16/06/2024 20:30

Get a key safe

Doubledenim305 · 16/06/2024 20:29

Just leave key hidden in the garden.
I wouldn't be keen on him out drinking and socialising late at night whilst u and baby at home. It might be the 'done thing" to get ahead at work...but it sounds like putting himself in way of temptation.

Avoidingsleep · 16/06/2024 20:20

Very strange. Why not just take a key? He sounds selfish.

If he is that worried about losing one, buy a key safe. That way you can lock the back door, but he has access to a key (and doesn’t have to take one out).

changeme4this · 16/06/2024 20:03

Why not get one of those electronic locks with keypad? My A & U can unlock their front door with an app on their mobiles..

PracticalLady · 16/06/2024 19:24

If he continues to refuse to take a key then how about a key safe?

MyTherapistSaidImAnAdult · 16/06/2024 18:29

Get a key safe, best of both worlds, then if he's had too much to drink to remember the combination that's on him and he sleeps outside!

Jeannie88 · 16/06/2024 18:04

Really? Yes he's BU, however to help you, could there be a private spot for a spare key? We take keys out with us but also have a spare in a secret place just in case. Oh and you make this at the bottom of a plant pot which needs to be dug out lol 😆

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 16/06/2024 14:22

Loafbeginsat60 · 15/06/2024 15:54

I was scrolling through to say this exact thing about Roy! Attach it to one of his sleeves so he can't lose it, up round his next and down the other sleeve 😂

Like his mummy did with his mittens when he was five.

zazazoop · 16/06/2024 08:14

Yeah he's massively selfish. Maybe get a key box so it's locked outside so then he has to get out a code in to get it but it's there if he needs it

Valeriekat · 16/06/2024 04:59

Keepthosenamesgoing · 15/06/2024 06:19

Put a key under a flowerpot or whatever. It's not that hard !

Neither is it hard for the husband to be responsible for his own key.

Valeriekat · 16/06/2024 04:57

JamieFraserSporran · 14/06/2024 23:53

That's far too sensible a solution for MN 😂

Why does his wife need to be responsible for his selfishness?

Sarahzb · 15/06/2024 23:08

Is he a Prince that you have to wait for his presence?
I for one would not leave the door unlocked
Have you to squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush

Sarahzb · 15/06/2024 23:05

Is he a Prince?

Bertsmum22 · 15/06/2024 20:21

He takes his keys or you get a key safe. Or agree on a random place to hide one? I used to leave one on one of the car tyres if I knew DH was out late. We now have a key safe.

Inkyblue123 · 15/06/2024 20:19

Can’t you hide a key in the outbuilding? Or install one of those Airbnb key holders? No way I would leave the doors unlocked with kids in the house.

pizzaHeart · 15/06/2024 20:15

Glad that your message came through!