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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my husband sleep outside.

266 replies

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:13

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
JollyHostess101 · 15/06/2024 00:16

Achdinnae · 14/06/2024 23:25

Get an external key-safe.

100% this then he can just get said key out when he’s home!!

ErrolTheDragon · 15/06/2024 00:13

I wouldn't dream of leaving my partner to sleep outside.

She's not, there's an outbuilding with a sofa. It's not that cold a night... if there's some sort of blanket out there he'll survive. Though he may need to recycle his evenings drinks a la Bob Flowerdew.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 15/06/2024 00:05

How hard is it to take a key with him?! It's not as if they're heavy
He's Selfish and YANBU at all

Avatartar · 15/06/2024 00:05

Install a key safe in the outbuilding you mentioned

dancingdaisies · 15/06/2024 00:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/06/2024 00:01

He is an idiot and you're doing rhe right thing.

Ivesaidenough · 14/06/2024 23:57

I had a work colleague who thought it was completely reasonable never to carry his house key. "Someone's always home" he said.
He was an intelligent bloke. I couldn't understand why he didn't see how it might affect his wife.

JamieFraserSporran · 14/06/2024 23:53

2dogsandabudgie · 14/06/2024 23:37

Can't you just leave a key somewhere outside for him to use?

That's far too sensible a solution for MN 😂

Orders76 · 14/06/2024 23:49

While I do think he's an absolute moron for suggesting that's ok for you or your children, I wouldn't dream of leaving my partner to sleep outside.

I would however be telling him that if he can't carry a key on nights out, he needs to find a way of leaving one out for himself that doesn't involve putting anyone at risk.

pizzaHeart · 14/06/2024 23:45

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:21

@pizzaHeart If I am not home to let him in he will just leave the back door unlocked, much to my protests.

I will let him in this time but then I would tell him that it’s the last time and would stop doing it. I think it’s better to start doing this during the day.
It’s so weird his behavior why he is not taking his keys???? I know it’s not a question for you, you behave normally.

Famfirst · 14/06/2024 23:40

Just leave the door unlocked. I've been burgled too but my door is unlocked 24/7 whether I'm in or not and has been for goodness knows how many years.

ErrolTheDragon · 14/06/2024 23:40

Achdinnae · 14/06/2024 23:25

Get an external key-safe.

Or rather, tell him to get one. And meanwhile, he should just do what every other competent adult in the country does and carry a key ffs.

For tonight maybe hide one outside and tell him where it is. But YANBU to be completely fed up with this weird irresponsibility

Garlicker · 14/06/2024 23:38

TyneTeas · 14/06/2024 23:27

He can get one if he doesn't want to take a key

Correct response - but, in OP's position, I think I'd put pragmatism before principle.

2dogsandabudgie · 14/06/2024 23:37

Can't you just leave a key somewhere outside for him to use?

FOJN · 14/06/2024 23:37

Next time he goes out book yourself into a hotel for the night or go and stay with friends so you're not at home when he comes back. Text him to tell him you won't be at home when he gets back and then put your phone on silent and have a good night's sleep.

I could not be with someone who was so casual about my safety and household security.

TuesdayQ · 14/06/2024 23:34

If he isn't going to change I'd really recommend getting a keysafe for outside; that should stop him leaving the door unlocked too?

Growlybear83 · 14/06/2024 23:33

I would be irritated by my husband not having a key, but I think it's unreasonable not to let him in if he's back by about 1.

Shineabrightlight · 14/06/2024 23:30

This is so unreasonable. It sounds like deliberate behaviour to make your life more difficult.
How is he otherwise in your relationship?Is he always selfish and unreasonable?Does he put the safety of his family at risk in other ways?

BardsAreAssholes · 14/06/2024 23:30

Does he know your contents insurance company are unlikely to cover a theft if the house is unlocked?

It’s such a stupid thing to do on so many levels.

SeaWorkout · 14/06/2024 23:29

Ex h used to leave home without a key despite being asked to take it with him.

The only way he learned was being locked outside when I left to go visit my mum a couple of hours away and he was left in the garden for 5 hours after he finished work.

He moaned that I’d locked him out.
Bybwst of correction, I reminded him that he’d locked himself out.
.

In understanding ex H’s personality now, I can only assume he did it on purpose to stop me going out.

Anyway, from then on he took his key with him!

Nottherealslimshady · 14/06/2024 23:29

You live in London and he thinks you should leave the door unlocked?

I get that in village life you don't have to worry as much about security. We have a large amount of land in a village, I often leave my car keys inside my car when parked on our land (yes i know, insurance wouldnt approve). But he's clearly not thick, he can see that London is different to the village he grew up in.

I'd replace the locks with those automatic locking ones so he can't leave the house unlocked when he goes out aswell.

TyneTeas · 14/06/2024 23:27

Achdinnae · 14/06/2024 23:25

Get an external key-safe.

He can get one if he doesn't want to take a key

RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 14/06/2024 23:27

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:24

@CannotWaitToBeFree He will be another hour and a half. I’m already in bed and want to go to sleep.

Go to BED and ignore him when he knocks. He is no more important than you!

And why does his socialising and 'networking' keep him out til 1.00am FFS? Confused

He's mugging you off sorry @FarawayFlower This socialising is fuck-all to do with his job!

somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 14/06/2024 23:25

TomatoSandwiches · 14/06/2024 23:22

So he'd rather leave his three small children and wife at risk than inconvenience himself by keeping a door key on himself?

YANBU he is a dangerous selfish twat.

I'd put ear plugs in and go back to sleep.

This. What a dick.

Achdinnae · 14/06/2024 23:25

Get an external key-safe.