To think my midwife is being slightly ridiculous over bonding with my unborn baby?

Your midwife is being ott and pushy
They should ask about your feelings about your unborn baby as it can be a useful tool in working out if a woman may be struggling emotionally or liable yo develop pnd.
But all women are different and feel differently about their pregnancies...
There can be some benefit on doing things like playing your baby music and talking to them when they are in the womb but don't feel bad of that's not something you feel comfortable doing.
I hated being pregnant and certainly never did any of that. I've had 3 children who I love dearly abd feel I have a good bond with despite never talking to them when they were inside me.
Your midwife is fine to suggest it but it sounds like she's being inappropriately intense about the whole thing.

I've been there. Please do not worry. Your baby will get everything they need from you. When you meet them, you'll have your own distinct relationship based on who they actually are rather than who you predict them to be.

When my son was a baby I used to sing Better Every Day by the Momas and Pappas to him:

"I once believed that when love came to me
It'd be filled with rockets, bells, and poetry,
But with me and you
It just started quietly and grew
And believe it or not
Now there's something groovy and good 'bout whatever we've got."

Our love grew. It continues to grow. It changes all the time. As soon as I think our relationship is tip top, what he needs from me changes and I have to learn all over again. That's having kids.

Your midwife sounds batshit. Ignore.

My friend didn't even know she was pregnant until 3 days before she gave birth
She went to the doctors with back pain (after I told her to stop whinging about her feet and back hurting) and they said the baby is sitting in an awkward... her "what fucking baby?!"
He's 18 now and they have a great relationship

Unborn babies must be able to hear your heartbeat ( and the food sloshing about in your stomach) and they do hear voices . It must be a constant noise environment for them !

I do remember saying to DD ( my DC2) "Any time you;re ready " as she was 4 days overdue , I had a toddler , a bad back and I was knackered in the heat .
Massaged my belly as she scraped her foot down , I could see her little heel under my skin.
Then , as now , she was very much an "I;ll decide" girl .

She’s actually biologically correct

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6838998/#:~:text=Neurobiologically%20oxytocin%20directs%20the%20young,periods%20of%20development%20%5B7%5D.

But I do get where you’re coming from OP 💐

We are not just incubators. Having loving thoughts towards your baby can induce oxytocin. The baby will feel that rush of ‘safe comforting’ hormone.

Maybe your midwife has picked up on your dissonance towards baby and is worried about after birth too.

Mother of three - hated being pregnant all three times. Felt like there was an alien in my body. But try and break though that fear - you did want this baby x

I had 2 losses before ds, I didn't allow myself to feel anything for him before he was born, to be totally honest I didn't really know if I wanted to be pregnant, I even thought about terminating because I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mum, I'm not maternal in any way. It took me a long time to bond with him, but that was because I had a horrific birth & nearly died, plus had really bad PND & was under the mental health team for the first 6 months I had him.

She’s speaking rubbish. I did nothing intentional to bond with my baby before birth. I helped myself make the idea of the baby more real by buying the baby items and setting up the nursery.

However, I fell straight in love the second time I held him. The first time I was absolutely exhausted and I thought he looked a bit alienish (don’t judge!). I would recommend skin to skin contact when baby is born, that’s when I had the feeling of ‘oh yes, this is mine’. I had (still have) a great bond with him despite not speaking to him as a foetus and not managing to breastfeed past day 3.

Wow I had zero bond with my baby in utero, I mean I cared about her but I didn't feel anything, not really. Was also going through some really hard stuff at the time and couldn't really focus on the positive side of they pregnancy at all. I felt pretty numb/indifferent, I really wanted her but there was no actual feeling inside me towards her if that makes sense.

I definitely bonded with her when she was born though! As soon as she became a real person to me, it all changed (although still took months for that really deep love to develop, so don't worry if you don't feel instantly overwhelmed with it either). She's a toddler now and I'm utterly obsessed with her, our bond couldn't be any stronger.

So yeah, ignore your midwife!

Sounds like a load of twaddle to me. I never read to the bump or whatever it is people do. I did poke the babies occasionally and liked trying to identify which body part was sticking out though.

I was the same with my second pregnancy, think it's more self-preservation on our part to protect yourself incase anything goes wrong. You're doing everything right, so sorry for your loss xx

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm in the same position, had a couple of losses before this one, now about to burst any day now!!
I've been told throughout my pregnancy and in antenatal classes that we need to bond with unborn baby throughout. Babies learn their mother's voice early on, recognise music etc and it can help reduce the risk of postnatal depression.

Absolute rubbish. I had absolutely horrendous pregnancies and didn't bond st all with my fetuses. Infant I absolutely resented them for what pregnancy was putting me through.

Second they were born those feelings went away and I would have endured it all over again! 4 kids later they're still the best thing that has ever happened to me and its not affected our bond at all ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss, pay no mind to the midwife xx

YANBU your baby doesn't know what you're thinking but does feel your stress so she's not helping by worrying you like this.

Your baby doesn't know that you're speaking to them or anybody else, they hear your voice all the time. It's probably not good for them if you're shouting all the time or arguing. But think of what babies are born into all around the world.

The only times I talk to my baby is 1. If something is a little stressful or annoying or tiring I'll kinda pat my belly and say "you alright baby." Or 2. If he's kicking the shit out of me I'll say "all right, chill." Or "stop kicking that " or "put that elbow away."

You're growing your baby, that's literally all you can do right now. Your baby doesn't need you to make them feel loved, she is born with the assumption that she is loved and cherished, that's why she cries, becuase she assumes that her mother will give her what she needs.

What a lot of rubbish. I basically pretended I wasn't pregnant for my first baby, a friend had had a full term stillbirth not long before and well, it got into my head. It was the most awful thing in the world and I was terrified it would happen to me.

We didn't do anything to 'bond' before the baby was born. Didn't find out the sex, didn't buy a pram, didn't decorate a room, didn't pick a name. We literally had 8 babygrows, one pack of nappies and a carseat the day he was born.

He's nearly nine now and we adore each other, I couldn't be more bonded to him, I could wax lyrical for hours about him honestly.

Do what you want to do and feel comfortable with. I still cringe when I see gender reveal parties and baby showers but loads of people do that stuff to feel a connection with the baby. I wanted to protect myself when I was pregnant and it sounds like you do too - do it your own way and you can bond with the baby when it's here.

I'm sorry for your loss by the way, it's a terrible thing to endure.

Mad. What about women that give birth without realizing they’re pregnant? Or only find out late in in pregnancy ? They still bond with their babies. I spent my whole first pregnancy worrying that i might not love my baby. Laughable really when I remember how besotted I became as soon as I saw him.

She sounds eccentric and I would smile politely and ignore her advice.

That is really sweet :)

If neural pathways could only be built if pregnant women sat cooing at their stomachs for 9 months, the human race would have died out aeons ago.

You're fine. Healthy food, gentle exercise, reasonably calm, unstressful environment for you, sleep - these will create healthy neural pathways.

My guess is what she really means is you are so detached she's concerned about you bonding with the baby once they are born.

How far along are you?

Pick a song you like, sing it whenever you can to yourself. Baby will become familiar with the sound, make it just for you two. Give the bump a little rub at the same time! Bonding ✔️ and you don't have to feel like an idiot chatting to yourself!

She is insensitive and ridiculous. Unborn babies can't tell if they're loved and wanted or if you're talking to them. Ignore her, ask her to stop, or ask for a new midwife.

I completely understand how you feel, I was saying “IF the baby arrives…” right up til delivery. Once she was here she was here and I could love her as a person, not a possibility. I’m sure you’ll be the same.

the MW will be thinking she’s helping you forestall PND, I’m not sure what they think will happen but it sounds like a load of bullocks and unnecessary stress to me. If she keeps on I’d just tell her plainly “I’ll be fine once the baby is here”. And repeat.

best of luck xxx

When I got pregnant with dd a year after my other dd died, I found it much better for my mental health to kind of switch off. I took the vitamins and ate correctly, didn't drink, all the stuff you're supposed to do, but I don't think I bonded during pregnancy.

The minute that beautiful baby was safe and in my arms I bonded instantly, and she's 16 now and we are very close and have an amazing relationship.

Do what you need to do and don't listen to your midwife on this issue, you're not ruining anything.

I'm so sorry for your loss, its the worst kind of pain there is 💐

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I’m realising I don’t even know what it means to ‘connect with your unborn baby.’ What exactly do I have to do in practical terms to achieve that?
I never had any idea about that either. I liked being pregnant, and I felt connected to my babies as soon as they were born. No issues there at all, but never felt "connected" to them before birth. Never had any interest in scan photos. I only took some of the screen when they paused and told me it was a good shot because I didn't want to be judged for my lack of interest in the grainy medical image.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't have been utterly devastated about a late-term loss. And I found my early miscarriage very upsetting at the time. But I still found the idea of bonding a bit unfathomable

How many weeks are you ?

You may not believe you will be having a live baby until she is actually born, and even then you may not believe it until they have done their checks etc. and she is placed in your arms for the 1st time.