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AIBU?

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First date - is this not a bit weird of him??

479 replies

Lilifer · 14/06/2024 21:33

I joined an old fashioned dating agency a month ago and was sent a match last week. The way it works is that if you like the look of the profile of the guy you let the agency know, and they then contact the man to let him know to contact you, and they give him your number,

So far so good, man, let's call him John rang me on Tuesday to see if I would like to meet up. I suggested we meet up in a city that's half way between us both, (we both live rurally) initially I suggested coffee but he said he would like to go for lunch so I said that's fine, pick a restaurant and let me know which one and I'll see you there at 2pm Saturday.

I waited to hear back which restaurant he was choosing. Yesterday he messaged me to ask where I would be parking so that he could choose a place that's within walking distance of where I parked. (Which I thought was considerate of him.) I told him where I was parking and heard nothing back until just now when he messaged me to say that if it's ok, he'll contact me at 2-ish tomorrow to let me know where he is.

Aibu to find that bizarre and more than a little annoying? He's had 3 days to figure out a restaurant, it's not that hard to settle on a place. And we were meant to be meeting at 2 so what's with the "I'll message you at 2ish" about?? So I'm meant to drive an hour to get to the city , and park and then wait to be given my instructions ... 🤨 I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest.

He did say a couple days ago when we chatted on phone that as he lives rurally an hour from this city he's not too familiar with the restaurants but we all know how to google these days, it's not that hard.

I just think it's weird. I was already a bit nervous of this date as it's my first time getting out there since my divorce and now this has kind of thrown me and I don't know what to respond to him .. can anyone advise?

OP posts:
Justgood · 22/06/2024 18:51

I recommend you google to find a restaurant that you fancy the sound of in that area, then WhatsApp him the details telling him you will meet him there

RenoDakota · 22/06/2024 18:51

And so it goes on 🤣🤣🤣

AutumnCrow · 22/06/2024 18:47

The date was last week.

P4ULA · 22/06/2024 18:35

The parking query is weird. You just need to know the restaurant and you can figure out the parking. Seems like he wants to scope you before you get to round 2. Not good.

Abab11 · 22/06/2024 18:32

I would be wary of this! Park somewhere else and ask to meet at a restaurant. If he doesn’t go with that, I wouldn’t go. If you have an initial niggle, trust your instincts!

marcopront · 22/06/2024 17:58

Vodkamummy · 22/06/2024 17:53

I'd ask why he can't tell me, before I set off, where he'll be. It is a bit odd

The date was last week.

Vodkamummy · 22/06/2024 17:53

I'd ask why he can't tell me, before I set off, where he'll be. It is a bit odd

Summerserenite · 18/06/2024 19:07

So glad to hear gobshite - why’d I stop saying that 😆 this is a great thread

Lilifer · 18/06/2024 18:41

Psychoticbreak · 18/06/2024 16:03

If you look up the word in the dictionary it has my exes name beside it.

😂😂😂 - good you're rid of him so

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 18/06/2024 16:03

If you look up the word in the dictionary it has my exes name beside it.

Scorchio84 · 18/06/2024 14:04

It really is @Lilifer it conveys so much with so little 😆

Lilifer · 18/06/2024 14:02

Gobshite is such a wonderful word!

OP posts:
Scorchio84 · 18/06/2024 14:01

Psychoticbreak · 17/06/2024 13:49

Fabulous hotel!!! Is it adult only do you know?

Also going to take a look at that matching site you mentioned because between my ex (also NI funnily) did a right number on me but I have learned a lot about what I will never tolerate again so this paid site might work for me.

Do you see a pic before you meet? Knowing my luck I will be paired with the gobshite I just got rid of.

😂😂at "...the Gobshite I just got rid of"

Lilifer · 18/06/2024 13:59

@Nanaof1 oh I will 😂😂

OP posts:
Nanaof1 · 18/06/2024 13:10

Lilifer · 17/06/2024 11:17

Aw thanks! Watch this space for the Sequel to Adventures in Dating 🤩

Looking forward to it. So glad you had a good time.

Don't forget to ask for parking advice eon your next sojourn. 😄😉

Thisandthat999 · 17/06/2024 18:31

Dontgetdebtpet · 14/06/2024 21:51

Suggesting a restaurant for a first date is a bit presumptive, and you might be setting a ££££ tone that he is not comfortable with. Restaurants are for third dates, birthdays and special occasions surely. You should have suggested coffee or meeting in a cafe. All this, book a table and tell me what time our reservation starts is a bit lady Jane, no?

Read the post!

WayOutOfLine · 17/06/2024 16:24

I won't tell you how many dates I went on before I found my husband, let's just say it was at least 10! My friend met someone on date 2. It's so unpredictable!

Lilifer · 17/06/2024 16:06

@WayOutOfLine I totally agree, I've no complaints, they're doing what they contracted to do, and can't control for the "spark" factor, that's in the lap of the Gods.

OP posts:
Lilifer · 17/06/2024 16:04

with men that should say

OP posts:
Lilifer · 17/06/2024 16:03

Mrsredlipstick · 17/06/2024 15:47

I met with my BFF who worked for the agency in Kensington today.
I asked her what she advised.

No compromise.

Short men are taller standing on their wallets! (she went out with a famous retailer)

Genorosty and kindness is key.

We can aways make new friends,

I watched a episode of come dine with me last week. Set in northern Ireland. All three guys were nice. Much more polite than the English. They fight like hell on these programmes.
Find a match by all means but smile frequently and see what it brings. I get picked up daily and I'm late fifties and a big ish girl.

Edited

Yes kindness and generosity v important.

I also notice how men treat waiting staff when out with you. I can't be doing with me that talk down to or are rude to waiters or shop staff

OP posts:
WayOutOfLine · 17/06/2024 16:02

I've used a dating agency before, and it sounds like a reasonable match to me, he was a professional, interesting, well-mannered man- you didn't have a spark with him but that's something you can't control for, but if you had, he would have been perfect in many ways.

Those saying- well just send taller/men who work in great jobs but only half the year near you/men who want to stand you to afternoon tea- there aren't an infinite supply of these. That's the whole thing- you have to compromise on a few things because there aren't 100's of men who match your exact criteria and then also want to date you as they also prefer people of a certain age/body type/profession/geographic area.

This becomes evident when you go on OLD- 80% of the men are unsuitable for most, and the 20% good ones are being chased by 80% of the women.

They found you a nice date, there was no spark, you often have to date quite a lot to get a match IMO. I don't think they did anything wrong, and you have more security knowing he was already checked by them and pre-screened for things like telling the truth about his job/bank account (I'm guessing they check these for members).

Lilifer · 17/06/2024 16:02

Psychoticbreak · 17/06/2024 13:49

Fabulous hotel!!! Is it adult only do you know?

Also going to take a look at that matching site you mentioned because between my ex (also NI funnily) did a right number on me but I have learned a lot about what I will never tolerate again so this paid site might work for me.

Do you see a pic before you meet? Knowing my luck I will be paired with the gobshite I just got rid of.

I don't think it's adults only no

OP posts:
Mrsredlipstick · 17/06/2024 15:47

I met with my BFF who worked for the agency in Kensington today.
I asked her what she advised.

No compromise.

Short men are taller standing on their wallets! (she went out with a famous retailer)

Genorosty and kindness is key.

We can aways make new friends,

I watched a episode of come dine with me last week. Set in northern Ireland. All three guys were nice. Much more polite than the English. They fight like hell on these programmes.
Find a match by all means but smile frequently and see what it brings. I get picked up daily and I'm late fifties and a big ish girl.

Psychoticbreak · 17/06/2024 13:49

Fabulous hotel!!! Is it adult only do you know?

Also going to take a look at that matching site you mentioned because between my ex (also NI funnily) did a right number on me but I have learned a lot about what I will never tolerate again so this paid site might work for me.

Do you see a pic before you meet? Knowing my luck I will be paired with the gobshite I just got rid of.

Lilifer · 17/06/2024 13:06

@burnoutbabe I told them I was open to people within quite a large distance range because I do live quite rurally, an hour from nearest city, so am quite prepared to travel to meet people and I travel a lot anyway because of where I live so I am used to that.

OP posts: