Moving miles away from parent in care home

Please go. Enjoy some good years with your DH. Your siblings are saying you are selfish because you are changing your role and they expected you'd always be there. It's them who are being selfish. Your mother is in full time care and will be visited weekly, she'll be fine. You have done a lot, please don't allow your siblings to make you feel any guilt.

Really? If you want someone to take notice of what you are saying you get your husband to make the point for you?
I certainly wouldn't 'obey' someone just because they are a man! That's insane.
Perhaps people would listen to your point more if you stopped speaking through your husband.

Go! It's so hard being a carer and you did that, it's your time now

1). Go.

2). Who is executor? If it is you, gather all the paperwork you can now rather than leaving it until later.

3). People happily harangue women over the littlest thing. If the subject comes up in DH’s hearing, have him ready to shut the subject down. When men say something, people listen and obey. And that will make your life easier. Or, in your comments, refer to “my husband”. Same shit, different coat.

They are the selfish ones op. Fuck em and go live your life.

This is a great opportunity for you and DH. Ignore siblings! Your mum is safe and looked after.

As someone who cares for elderly parent with dementia and a sibling overseas, I say it's time for the siblings to shut up and step up. You have done one of the the hardest bits (the decline), now go live your life, this is what your parent would wish for you.

You looked after your mother for a decade, you've done more than enough. I'm assuming guilt trips are a big thing in your family and suspect that's how you ended up caring for her in the first place. Go and live your life.

My mum is in a care home and has lost all track of time and sometimes doesn’t know who I am. Just think how you and your husband would feel if you turned down the job only for your mum to not recognise you?

Go. Enjoy your life. Spend time with your husband.

life not lice 🤦🏽‍♀️

Go and live you lice, that's what Id want my child to do in your shoes.

Nurse in care home here… please go and live your life. We had a 68yr old die in the home last week and his 90yr old mother was visiting him. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Sorry but as time goes on your parent won’t know whether you’ve visited or not.

I’ve only been doing for a year what you have for a decade and if the opportunity came up then I’d be going without hesitation.

You have more than done your bit. Go and live the most beautiful life and enjoy every moment. Please update with the lovely news that you’ve accepted.

Go and live your life. If your siblings call you selfish, fuck ‘em.

You weren’t obliged to care for your parent for the last 10 years, you chose to. Your siblings can move away too if they like. Zero obligation.

Siblings are very quick to point the finger aren't they 🙄

You need to live your life, don't feel any guilt

Absolutely go. I am a similar age and we don't live for ever. Seize the opportunity to go on trips, take up a new hobby, go out to lunch and spend time with your husband. After 20 years of caring you have more than done your duty and its time for your siblings to step up. This is what I would want for my children

I've recently come to the end of seven years as my mum's carer now she's gone into a nursing home. Your siblings can go take a long walk on a short pier. You've done more than your share with little help. Go, enjoy your new life and some freedom!

Please, go and live your life.
And buy yourself a beautiful bunch of flowers and some lovely chocolates as a thank you to yourself for all the love and care you have given your parent.
You know they would do that for you if they could.
💐❤

Time for your siblings to step up . You have done more than your fair share. Particularly managing through Covid. It’s time to live your life with your DH. No one , unless they were a carer for someone vulnerable over 10 years and then through Covid has the right to judge you, it was soul destroying and sucked the life from you ( I was here doing similar for my DH) but you carried on because it was the right thing to do, even when no one else stepped in. Time now to enjoy some time with DH , your mum wouldn’t want you tied to her , you have done your bit. You deserve a break and visiting monthly is fine. She is cared for and safe.

This.
What awful people.
Do it.
Do it for your husband and block them if necessary.
You deserve this.

Absolutely gorgeous and live your life

Please do it.

Your siblings are scum.

I wouldn't even think twice about it. You've done your bit, time to let make the others step up.

Both my parents are gone now, brother lives in Spain and did basically nothing to help when they got old and frail, I can only remember him helping one time not long before dad died and he kicked up such a fuss about coming back to be with him and take him to the hospital for a scan whilst I went on holiday for a week. I don't bother with him now. His loss. My dad was fully independent, it wasn't like he had to clean him up after accidents or anything. There was no excuse it was pure selfishness from my brother.

I’m sure your parent would have wanted you to live your life. I think you should move.

As a mother , I'd want you to live your life and enjoy it whilst you can

I'd be grateful for the time we had together but not ask for more

I want my children to live their lives to the full

Monthly visits over that distance may be hard ( although doable )