to think my life is actually quite sad/pathetic?

A lot of people would like your life. It sounds like there is a lot in it that gives you joy and fulfills you.

But reading your later posts, your self esteem sounds very, very low. You sound like you don't really believe you have much to offer to others, beyond service. I would consider some therapy to work on this. You sound like a thoughtful person who probably has a lot of considered and interesting ideas about things. Why wouldn't someone want to date you or be your friend?

If you want a family of your own, there are lots of ways that can come about. But none of them will be realized in the life you currently have. Why do you think you don't deserve to pursue what you want?

Are you happy? At the end of the day that is all that matters. Sounds like a lovely balance of chill time and family time to me lol.

Your life isn't pathetic, after all you have a job and a home which a lot of people don't. It also sounds like you have a close knit family which is a massive plus in my opinion.
If you enjoy your life as is then carry on but the fact you're questioning it suggests maybe you don't always feel happy. If I were in your shoes I would try and find a hobby and/or other social outlets, you'll be amazed at how much better and energetic you'll feel by getting out and living abit more. When I was on maternity leave (not exactly the same situation I know but it's the only way I can try and relate) I was abit of a hermit, I didn't go to any baby groups or try and meet other mums and I didn't realise how low I was feeling as a result. It's only recently when I've started to get out and socialise more that I feel so much better. Have a think about what you really enjoy and focus on that.

I think you sound very astute.

You're aware that it is peaceful, and therefore attractive to many people who don't have a peaceful life.

You also seem to have a close, involved family, which many people don't have and would love.

If you're happy with it, it's enough. If you're not and you want more, just add little bits to it. Get a job that's not wfh, or join a club or a class or something.

If you’re happy then carry on but I do think you’re wasting your life a little bit.

I personally would have to WFH as I enjoy the interaction and feeling needed/appreciated.
I also like to separate home and work.

Perhaps you start doing a hobby once or twice a week.

It doesn’t have to be anything extreme but I don’t think staying in and not socialising much is good for our MH.

Are you happy?
I spent most of my twenties single and it made me miserable, I did go out a lot though
Imer my dh when I was 31 andxwe quickly married and had children as that's what we both wanted
Only you can say if your happy with your life .

Because you said you’re happy when the people around you are having relationship problems. ‘I’m 90% happy, especially when those around me are having relationship problems’……. I think you mean, a relationship may be more trouble than it’s worth. But it reads very badly.

I wonder if you are comparing yourself and that's feeding into feelings of inadequacy ref your life. I only use FBook anonymously and have zero friends on it so I can connect with others who share my multiple health problems.
Years ago I was on Facebook and being 'friends' with all these people and looking at their lives is just soul destroying. Even if we know it's all staged. I appreciate some people see it as a lifeline. It did not impact me socially one bit coming away from Facebook and I recommend more do it.

I'm now housebound but I decided to do alot on my own in recent years and loved it. Hiking/ walking in nature, going to Wales to do a small manageable hike on my own. Going for meals on my own, cinema on my own. I absolutely loved it! My best times have been these. There are so many things you can do if you're seeking a little extra fulfillment.

I'm in my 40s and at your age was out living it up, partying, getting drunk but I was really dying inside.

I could never cope with a man living in my home again. You're right in that for many, these relationships are a great deal of work and might not be for you. Maybe you want kids but you're still young enough to think about that down the line.

Your life sounds really lovely but if you don't compare only you know whether it's enough. You'll always question it when comparing to others.

I can relate to this too.

Great post

Are there some alternative activities you could get involved in OP?

My friend just completed an assault training course with her dog. Now she's signed up to Frisbee training with her!

Is there anything like that in your area, if you like the idea?

I did an aqua cycle course when I was fairly unfit - it was great because if I felt a bit red in the face I could just dunk under the water, and go as slow or fast as I felt able. Most people were wearing t shirts Or rash vests too, so no need to be self conscious.

How about some online step workouts to do at home and build up your energy levels? Get fit with Rick is a fun one with lots of variations.

But lots of us (most of us?) have dealt with the emotional fallout of inadequate parenting and ACEs. I’m in longterm therapy aged 51 to deal with the ongoing effect of childhood neglect and SA aged nine. Has having had an unhappy, impoverished, emotional-neglectful childhood had a negative effect on my adult life? Absolutely. Have I spent my adult life fighting not to let that limit me? Also absolutely.

OP, I’m absolutely sympathetic to your desire to keep yourself ‘safe’, and not to expose yourself to other people, to life challenges, relationships, friendships, new activities and efforts etc that may expose you to risk and pain, but look at the cost to you of this ‘safety’. Your current life keeps you safe but only while you’re curled up into a ball, sticking to a routine, seeing almost no one other than a few immediate family members (including those who made your childhood miserable?), usually inside your home. Is this really how you want to spend the next 50 years?

I'm the same age as you and could of written this myself! Except I don't live alone have two young children but I don't do anything really outside of parenting, working part time and have a few illnesses I manage but I purposefully keep myself away from others as I think they may feel I'm quite boring! I struggled to socialise at the school gates at the beginning of the reception year and nobody speaks with me now but I don't mind so much its more I think it's impacted my son so I feel rather guilty in that regard. I used to live a rather chaotic life but gave up drinking etc when I was 22 and live a really quiet life. I'm sure people don't find you boring at all, and at least you're not bothered about what others may think, as long as you're happy within yourself and your lifestyle then so be it, but you're definitely not alone! X

Being told you should have been aborted OP, even in a moment of anger, is unforgiveable. I'm sure that has had a huge impact on your self esteem.

Do you go on weekends away or holidays with your siblings or on your own at all? Would that appeal?

If you are happy with your life, then nobody else’s opinion matters.

But you use some very negative words to describe yourself and your life. And that ‘10%’ of the time you are unhappy seems to be linked to a lot of hopes for your life and for your future which are going unfulfilled (and which you seek to anticipate will never be fulfilled).

What do you envisage your life to be like in 5, 10 years time? Is that what you want your life to be like? What could you start doing now, to breach that gulf, if there is one?

Will that 10% of unhappiness grow? Will it breed resentment?

The people around you, their lives are going to change. Your nieces and nephews will grow up, their worlds will grow, and they won’t be as reliant on you (although I’m sure they will still want to see you and spend time with you). Your siblings’ circumstances may change, they may move away for example.

I think the point I’m trying to make is not to let yourself stand still, when the world around you will change. Because right now you are happy being part of the world and your life as is, but that is a short period of time in your life.

My life is very peaceful like yours, parents live 10 doors away, I have a teen DD but she's no bother. I WFH and if DDs clubs aren't on I can go all week without really leaving the house and only talking to her and my parents which isn't great.

I do make sure I do things I enjoy though, cinema and theatre trips often with DD but quite often alone too.

If I didn't have DD I'd book myself a Premier Inn in different city's and go and explore the country every few months. I would also join the women's circle in my nearest city which is a women's social group that do activities together and have different aged groupings.

The most telling thing is that you posted and wondered about your life. It is stable and happy. It has strong elements: good family connections, regular work, (if isolating) and a home of your own.

But if this were all you wanted, you wouldn't have posted. What I notice most is that it is a life designed to protect you form the wider world. No one but family is allowed in right now. And yet there has been quite a lot of turmoil in the family.

I have found it is easy to get into a rut and shrink your world. It feels cosy, safe but its foundation is fear of the unknown. Honestly, I think the way out is to try stuff. Anything at all. You don;t have to commit, just experiment.

I like the idea of having three things on the go in life: something physical, something creative or educational and some social contribution. Physical can be anything from a dance or yoga class to a Saturday walking club or weight raining at the gym. Creative can be art or craft, music in any form, creative writing, renovating furniture, coding. Education could be a language class or professional qualifications.Social contribution could be work for a charity, a school, a community garden, a political or eco organisation. If you do one of those each week, you build up a wider life. Friendships might evolve naturally from these. So might love. But they are good in themselves, for enriching our lives. I'd also add something spiritual - a church or temple service, if you have faith. If not, meditation at home or even group therapy if you have had depression or you have social anxiety. Some gathering with like-minded souls.

Does any of this appeal to you, OP?

It sounds like you have a structured and peaceful routine, which can indeed be a source of stability and contentment. It's natural to sometimes wonder if there's more out there, especially at your age, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is different.

Having a supportive family, a job that allows you to work from home, and caring for your dog are all valuable aspects of your life. It's great that you're also taking steps to manage your health with daily walks and treatment for PCOS.

If you're feeling like you might be missing out on social connections or opportunities for personal growth, consider exploring new hobbies or interests that align with your values and goals. This could potentially lead to meeting new people outside of your current circles. However, if you genuinely enjoy your current lifestyle and find fulfillment in it, then there's no pressure to change just for the sake of it.

Ultimately, what matters most is your own sense of fulfillment and happiness. Reflect on what you truly want and what brings you joy, and allow yourself the space to pursue those things at your own pace.

It doesn’t sound sad or pathetic. Some people prefer a quieter, smaller life. You have a job, home, family and dog. You say you’re happy most of the time. It doesn’t sound like you want or need to make any big changes immediately.

I think it might be wise to push yourself to do a bit more with your evenings, though. Small additions to you life, even just once or twice a week. Social anxiety and chronic illnesses don’t mean you you have to just give up and go to bed at 7pm every night, and especially not at your age! An evening class, new hobby, learn a new skill?

Do you walk the dog? Exercise? You can do lots of things alone (I hate group exercise) or at least without talking to people. What about studying? A course?
I don’t think you are sad or pathetic but you sound like YOU feel something should change.