Colleague has sent me a dick pic

And dome are so perverted that even that would give them a thrill. ‘Small penis humiliation’ is a fetish.

Why are you feeling responsible for consequences? FFS report the creep. If anyone says anything to you about it tell them what a creep he is and what he did.
eta: and do not reply or forward. Just show the pic on your phone to HR. And keep it in case it's needed for legal purposes. ie police, etc Do not show it to anyone else at work.

Hey OP, I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s awkward, made more difficult by the fact that he’s friends and interacts with your team.

however, this is on him. It’s inappropriate and you’re unlikely to be the first or last with his attempted grooming - pushing boundaries. If women, as a general rule, had a zero tolerance policy for this bs, it’ll cease to exist. The fact that women on the whole ignore it or don’t want to rock the boat allows this behaviour to exist.

id say fuck him. It’s highly inappropriate - clothed or not, an erection pic is unacceptable. I’d deffo advise HR.

And thick as pig shit if he believes that. More likely just another creepy bloke trying to justify this sort of behaviour.

Your male friend is a bit of a dick

Yes..it's a form of online ''flashing''.

Of course, OP could reply and say ''Not very big, is it? 🤔''

Not to sound alarmist, but that was the sort of stuff Wayne Couzens started off doing....

Report it.

Why should anyone have a problem with her?? I have been in a very similar situation, he wasn’t dismissed but as far as my colleagues are concerned they have supported me completely. They are professional with him but are aware of his previous behaviour. His actions caused this same as the male the op received her message from.

@Iambetteroffsingle That is really offensive and disrespectful to have sent that to you - But you already know that.

Definitely let his manager know.

What a seedy man.

If people are already in a relationship and know each other very well, and agree that 'intimate images' of each other are ok..then it's different, but in this case?

Urgh...no.

So if this happened to your 18 year old daughter, you'd be fine with it?

I completely disagree. I think men send pictures of their dicks because it gives them a thrill. They get a thrill out of shocking the woman they are sending the pictures to.

It is completely different to sending pictures to a relationship partner.

Send it round the whole workforce 😂😂

Unless it happened during work time or on a work device its nothing to do with HR. Outside of the above adults are free to send what they want.

I would at least send him a response with a clear message that this was unsolicited by you and completely unwanted. No one is going to see this as divisive or being troublesome and he would keep that response to himself anyway, because it would be too risky for him to reveal it to others.

Chances are he is also sending similar pics to others and someone is eventually going to report it. This will trigger an investigation and he might use your non response in his favour to support his case that women at his workplace were fine with the behaviour. You don’t want to be dragged down with that.

Also, you will likely receive more pics if you don’t say anything as he will assume you like them. My daughter also didn’t want to make a fuss. Her silence however escalated it. In the end, she made her displeasure very evident and it stopped then. I am glad she learned that early on - she was about 20 then.

You have not behaved inappropriately.
You are not sexually harassing a colleague.
If reporting him to HR damages his career or causes trouble with other team-mates remember it is his fault, not yours.

Hmmm. I could vaguely get behind that hypothesis if the OPand this man had had a few dates. But where it tends to fall down is that women don’t tend to send “fun” sexy unsolicited pics to delight their colleagues or platonic friends, because it’s weird, and inappropriate. Unsolicited dick pics are always inappropriate, men know this, and that’s why they are about intimidation, not flirting.

No, don't do this. Your employer should have a dignity at work policy, or similar, that deals with harassment, and I agree with all those who think that you should make a complaint about his.

But the HR team will not thank you for semi-logging a bit of a grievance about an undetailed event that can't be investigated or dealt with.

Report it properly in line with the policy, or don't.

Report him to the police. Pervert!

This is the sort of conversations I have with my 15 year old son, not something a grown man in a professional environment should not know.

If you're determined to wuss out of reporting him, this from a pp is the very least you should do.

Send the message you mean- 'Please do not contact me again. This is offensive and unprofessional and in no way solicited by me.

Then block him. And refuse to get into any conversation about it should he approach you at work.

Don’t reply - anything you say could be misinterpreted. Don’t acknowledge. Block.

OBVIOUSLY this isn't okay, but I once had it explained to me by a male friend (who btw would never do this sort of thing himself), that it MIGHT stem from them (the colleague in this case), thinking that this would be really well received by them, were the roles reversed. That is, when we think "how would I feel, if someone sent me a 'sexy' photo?" They think "This would make my day!!" and not the reality, which would be "I'd feel really hurt and awkward, and not know what to say". He's old enough to know better really. But I'd probably gloss over it, if it were me. Anyone decent will get the message. If it happens again, I'd tell him it's not on, then block him.

OP wanted options that included not taking an action that could have repercussions for her own career, current well being a work.

And it’s only a judgement OP can make based on how it feels to her.

Setting a strong boundary / keeping a paper trail and making sure she acts if there is anything else that makes her uncomfortable is an okay option too.

Tell HR. Explain that the photo has made you feel very uncomfortable and that you would like the matter addressed.

Do not feel responsible for potentially damaging his career.

That is on him.

Block and disengage. Do not respond. He may be the sort to take it as encouragement.

It’s easy to spot the men here.