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Original poster

Colleague has sent me a dick pic

363 replies

Iambetteroffsingle · 14/06/2024 18:03

Well not a completely full-frontal one, he is clothed on it but it's a picture of his 'hard-on'. (Sorry this is TMI)

I vaguely knew of him before and we went on a team-building weekend activity as a group. Got on well, stayed in touch a bit over the last week via text, just talking about work and holidays mainly.
There's been no flirting or innuendos of any sort, then I opened my phone to this.
The man is 41 FFS.
He's put a caption in the picture talking about his 'tan' but I'm not stupid, I know what a lot of men are like.

If this were out of work I'd block straightaway, but I feel so awkward with working together. We aren't in the same team but have mutual friends. I just don't know what to do.

I was slightly interested before and would've been open to a date or something similar but this has shown me what he thinks of me.

OP posts:
HelpMeUnpickThis · 14/06/2024 18:25

This is the one time you really need a mansplainer on a thread.

I would LOVE to know what goes through their minds when they do this.

To a WORK colleague. Totally unsolicited. My mind boggles.

Why on earth would anyone think this is a good idea?! 🙆🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Original poster
Iambetteroffsingle · 14/06/2024 18:24

Dunno if that makes it any better or worse?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iambetteroffsingle · 14/06/2024 18:24

AlisonDonut · 14/06/2024 18:23

What do you mean he is fully clothed but it is a picture of his 'hard on'?

Fully clothed but erect under the clothes?

That's right yeah. Picture of his erection under his shorts

OP posts:
caringcarer · 14/06/2024 18:24

Longdueachange · 14/06/2024 18:06

You need to screenshot, block and inform HR straight away.

This. How dare he intimidate female colleagues like this.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 14/06/2024 18:23

Even if you did flirt, even if you did show interest, OP, you’re allowed to! You would have done nothing wrong. That doesn’t warrant an unsolicited dick pic. Don’t take ownership of his bad behaviour. You’ve done nothing wrong here. And reporting is totally the correct thing to do, difficult as this is. Or at least call him on his unethical conduct if you don’t report.

So many of us have leaky borders and weak boundaries. It took me a lifetime to learn how to plug my leaky borders and really set boundaries. Give yourself a gift! Every woman should do some therapy work on boundary setting because the world is clogged with men constantly pushing the limits. It’s the best thing I’ve done in years! It’s liberating and I’m no longer dogged by guilt for setting healthy boundaries for myself.

AlisonDonut · 14/06/2024 18:23

What do you mean he is fully clothed but it is a picture of his 'hard on'?

Fully clothed but erect under the clothes?

ObliviousCoalmine · 14/06/2024 18:23

URGH! Report him. Bleurgh.

Original poster
Iambetteroffsingle · 14/06/2024 18:22

I am 33.
He told me that he'd 'thought I was 25' 🙄
I agree the laughing emoji was a bad idea, just thought it would humiliate him and shut him down.

OP posts:
AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 14/06/2024 18:20

If you leave, mention to HR in your exit interview.

Singleandproud · 14/06/2024 18:20

He jeopardised his own career when he sexually harassed you. He should have been more careful, fine if you started actually dating and we're a couple of that's what you are into, not ok for a new work colleague. Do what you would do if he stood next to you in the office and showed you.

NotMeNoNo · 14/06/2024 18:19

I would wonder how many other maybe more vulnerable female colleagues he is harassing, this should go to HR, no way will it be the first time.

Farcis · 14/06/2024 18:19

Do not engage in banter with him. Absolutely do not.

Another one saying block and report. And I am HR.

Steakandwine · 14/06/2024 18:19

I wouldn't respond to him, I would go straight to HR He shouldnt be sending pics like that, he's gone way over the line and sending a laughing emoji would just encourage him more.

It's sexual harrasment.

Brightandbubly · 14/06/2024 18:19

Report, you have no idea what he might have done previously, protect yourself and others

Hiddenvoice · 14/06/2024 18:18

Iambetteroffsingle · 14/06/2024 18:14

Thank you everyone. I struggle with boundaries with men but I in no shape or form flirted with him or said anything suggestive, and I guess even if I did, it doesn't warrant this.
A couple of my teammates are good friends with him.
I'll have a think of what to do, maybe I should send a laughing emoji with a magnifying glass?

No don’t send the laughing emoji or the magnifying glass. That will spur him onto thinking it’s ‘banter’

Id either pull him up and say you don’t appreciate the picture and hope that he doesn’t send unsolicited images to others or I would report to hr.

CJ0374 · 14/06/2024 18:18

How old are you OP? I'm assuming much younger?

I wouldn't engage with any emojis or magnifying glass! I'd keep evidence and block, and go to HR if any other issues. Ideally, I'd go to HR now, but I see you are reticent to do so.

Treestumpp · 14/06/2024 18:18

I honestly dont know why any man, let alone a semi intelligent one of that age would find this acceptable behaviour.

PurpleBugz · 14/06/2024 18:18

Worrying about the impact on his career is how so many men get away with this. He has even tried to cover his back with the tan comments so if you do go to HR he has a défense.

I think you should report him. If it impacts his career that was his own doing. Men can't be allowed to get away with this

GrumpyPanda · 14/06/2024 18:18

Report, report, report. Definitely don't send back childish emojis. Individuals as vile as this one will interpret that as permission.

Original poster
Iambetteroffsingle · 14/06/2024 18:17

Yeah true was a bad idea. It's going to be very awkward at work. Thankfully ive had a job offer to leave, it's just in the CS so everything takes a million years.

OP posts:
paasll · 14/06/2024 18:17

The magnifying glass is a bad way to go. It will encourage him.

you need to find a better response or this will escalate

TheMossEnthusiast · 14/06/2024 18:17

Report to HR, or just block him and hold the threat of reporting him to HR over his head

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 14/06/2024 18:17

Don't make a joke of it. I'd just type 'inappropriate, blocking' and then do it, if you don't want to make a fuss. (i get that)

urgh - sleazy bastard

Americano75 · 14/06/2024 18:17

Don't respond, just block.