to think that my retired DH's expectations of me are unfair?

I'm early sixties.

My mindset and energy levels are just fine thank you. I'm certainly not slowing down.

Another ageist post on here.

How embarrassing that a grown man can't entertain himself without his wife.

this is not because he loves you so much. He's controlling and being an arse.

Please restart running and stop giving in to him. please.

Agreed. Blaming this on the age difference is letting a controlling, creepy man off the hook.

You’re unreasonable for giving in thus far and letting him think this is ok. It’s not, you need to sit down for a serious chat.

Wow this man is very controlling!
I felt suffocated just reading it!

You do have a responsibility to be a parent and partner and so sometimes compromises need to be made but this isn’t compromising, it’s controlling.

Your life should not have changed much from when he was working to now he’s retired.

He should be going more parenting and taking up hobbies/volunteer work if he’s bored.

You are not there to entertain him when he’s bored, you are your own person not a bloody puppet.

I felt claustrophobic just reading that.

He is like this just after a few months.

Like a boiled frog, he will get worse and you will just take it, unless you take action now.

Stop all the ring fencing and if he doesn’t like it, so be it, the marriage ending will not be the end of the world.

No, it's the DH causing the problem. In both cases.

The age gap may make it worse, but if you read the OP's posts, he's been displaying controlling behaviour for a while, even when they were both working.

Controlling your time, isolating you from friends and family guilt tripping etc to get his own way…you’re being emotionally abused.

Incidentally OP, it's 100% the age gap causing this problem. A friend of mine married a man 20 years older, he's pretty well off aswell but he behaves exactly the same as your DH. He would sit and cry when she went out without him beg her not to go etc, he bought a massive house miles from anywhere to seclude her and both her kids left as they didn't want to live in the middle of nowhere.

She still goes out though probably not so often as she did before she met him but she did stand her ground. I'm not sure how he is now as we haven't spoken in a while.

You will regret cutting off your friends and hobbies. Go out, see your friends, turn your phone off and don’t give in. If he’s so miserable it’s up to him to do something about it - he needs a job.

I can’t believe you have dropped out of a running club, limited time with friends, time with your family and are even considering going part time to keep an adult bloke company?

He sounds suffocating, controlling and selfish. How dare he put limits on time you can spend with your family, or set your curfew?

Was he this controlling before?

I think your husband sounds completely out of pro and agree with others it sounds controlling. Can you do councilling together? Overall he doesn't sound abusive just needy and it would be a shame to throw away an otherwise happy marriage when it could be repaired.

Definitely go back to running club and pick back up with friends. You make very good points you will need all this if you end up caring for dh at the end. And as pps said you are a person not an entertainer for dh and you need to consider the example you set for your dd.

You sound like a really sensible person. Respect yourself and I'm sure whatever happens you will be fine

You sound lovely OP. Very caring and thoughtful. I thought I was about to face this, with a somewhat similar sounding husband, about ten years older and who prefers my company to other company. I don't think mine is controlling per se. Just wants to hang out with me - so I was worried about his impending retirement as I need space (secrets to a happy marriage for me: separate bathrooms; separate duvets; shift work).

But at 66 he's just got a new full time job. Which I wasn't expecting at all!

One thing I would say is we (especially if we have older husbands, but all of us really) should prioritise our friendships and wellbeing. I make time for my friends and often leave my husband at home despite the slight guilt his hangdog face gives me. We will need those friendships and friendship requires investment.

He’s expecting too much from you. You need some down time between work and the pressure him at home waiting to spend time with you.

Perhaps you could take up a joint hobby and sort of bow out once he’s happy spending time on it. Apparently golf is well known for taking up a lot of weekends!

He needs to go back to work. Early 60s is quite young to retire these days.

It's not your job to be there by his side day and night. Please go back to all your hobbies, run club, seeing friends and family. He'll drain you totally into a husk of yourself if you don't out a stop to it.

his restrictions on how much time we can spend visiting other people or having guests over really limit how much I see my DD

What does this mean?

Why did he retire so young?

He needs to go back to work.

Good lord, if ever there was a man who needed to take up golf, it's this one.

He is 60 something and his mindset and energy levels will change. He will be slowing down now, normal part of ageing. You are both at different stages in life. Hopefully you can sit down and talk about this and he will understand . Best of luck as you are still young with so much ahead of you.

Good question. My dad retired at 68. Because he decided to marry twice and had a second child in his late 40s.

If you decide to marry someone much younger, there are demands there as well. It doesn't just work the other way.

And for goodness sake rejoin the running club and do things without him OP!

And tell him to get a hobby. Or two. Or three!

And keep your job in case you decide to find a younger model. Maybe that's what he's worried about now - he feels stuck at home and thinks you are out and about meeting younger men. Well if he turns into a miserable so and so, you will. He needs to get himself a life and friends, so he doesn't feel lonely threatened.

He apparently doesn’t realise that if he carries on like this, you’re going to have to escape for your own sanity.

The harsh reality is that he chose to have a relationship with you, and therefore he accepted going into retirement while his partner is still working and at a different stage of life.

Controlling you is obviously unreasonable. Creating rules, or expecting you to give up your hobbies is awful. It seems like if you don't establish boundaries now this will only get worse.

He needs to find his own way to get by.

Also, if you are working and he isn't, it's shocking that you split the housework equally!

This screams a man who doesn’t want to loose his young attractive wife to a younger guy so he is controlling her.

My mother suggested to my father very strongly that he get a hobby when he retired, or he wouldn't be around to enjoy his retirement very long.

Has he tried golf?

And my neighbours joined a walking football team, and seemed to have a lot of fun with that.

You cannot be his everything. And he shouldn't be asking or wanting you to. It's simply not fair, or healthy, for either of you.

I think really what you've described is that he's always been controlling but you've been able to carve out some freedom whilst he was working and now he's not that freedom is disappearing. This will get so so much worse to the point your completely isolated.

It's time to make a change OP, you need your life back and you tell him you will see your family when ever you like for however long you like.

OP this is going to sound extremely harsh and it maybe harsh but it is reality. You've spent far to long appeasing he needs you, far more than you need him.... you need to let him know that. Yes he had a good job, yes he has a decent pension but you have a successful career of your own, you could walk out of that door tomorrow buy a house all on your own and have still have a successful career and happy life. He will have a very lonely retirement. That's upto him to change his ways or face the consequences.