Yes I know it’s been done before! Stepchild and wedding

My SIL pulled this crap of selective wedding inviting, without warning. Leaving out certain people, often just one cousin in a family or aunt/uncle etc. It split the entire family. Ten years on most family still don't speak to SIL, or only if at a function etc. SIL still maintains it wasn't her fault.

I understand not having anything to do with them again - my cousin's DD excluded DD & I from her 21st (DH & DS were away). The only local family excluded. Excluded people she'd known her whole life, too. I was incredibly hurt, and, tbh, hurt my own parents still went & no one, despite her own (paying) parents expressing embarrassment we'd been excluded, said anything to her. It seems no one will pull this 'me' generation up when they're being selfish arseholes. I'll see her next weekend at a family function & will just ignore her. I'm too hurt.

So the relationship is disposable to you? Guess they feel the same way.

Considering they've even invited second cousins I would consider whether there's something you're not aware of. Maybe he's been creepy or nasty in some way which a mother wouldn't see. Otherwise it seems odd that both would exclude him whilst inviting more distant relatives.

Just a thought but as they are all adults…maybe they know the 24 year old as a peer and just don’t like him? Eg. Maybe they have conflicting views you don’t know about, have seen him post something online that you’re unaware of, or have wildly different lifestyles. Maybe they just don’t get on as adults, cousin or otherwise. They might not want to tell you why he’s not been invited in that case.

I'd be expecting a great deal more loyalty from your partner and youngest ifI were you. You said he came in " looking pale", so he clearly knew it was upsetting news.

Adult cousins? Then yeah, I see your point, definitely off. How unkind.

I agree with you. One son is being left out and I would be offended. I would also expect my husband to be offended and either get his stepson invited or none of you attend. It's so bloody rude and hurtful to your son. If there is a blanket rule that none of the 'children' attend then fine, but it's not that, it's that only blood cousins attend. It's your husband's job to sort this out with his brothers and sister in-laws, I know he's has tried. It must be so upsetting (infuriating) for you to have your eldest son treated like this. If no invite is forthcoming, then none of you should go, but if the invite arrives please do go, and try to put it behind you.

I remember your previous post. What are you wanting put of the MN community that they haven't said?

This level of drama is uncalled for.

Go or don't.

He’s an adult, I presume youngest is a child and that’s why he’s invited, nothing more sinister than that. If it was a sibling that would be different but a more distant relative like niece then
I wouldn’t be offended.

I would have invited him if it was my wedding

I would hope you invited people that you like the most, rather than prioritising relatives? I’m not married and my cousins all seem like nice enough people but I doubt I’d invite any of them if I got married, even if I chose to have a big wedding 🤷🏻‍♀️. Certainly if I chose to invite an aunt and uncle and they complained that I hadn’t invited their adult children I’d think they’d lost the plot.

This happened when I was around 19 and my dad's wife family invited my dad his wife and their children but not me as I was the step daughter. My dad said if we all don't get invited we aren't all
Going and we didn't.

Yes!! We wrote the guest list before we looked at venues so we knew how much space we needed.

Sorry but I really don’t get the problem. They’re all adults. Do you expect every adult to invite every cousin they have to their wedding? Does your 24 year old even have any interest in attending these weddings?

Have you checked with your son that they haven't invited him on a separate invite as he's not full time at home?

Absolutely do not ring to ask why your adult son has not been invited to a wedding. Their wedding, their choice.

It is shitty to exclude like this unless there is a backstory like he ran over their cat and laughed about it or something. Otherwise it would be a deal breaker for me - and I would not think much of a DH or DC who was happy for the other child to be excluded.

Your son is not family and is an adult. You might not like it, but there's no reason why he should be invited
Same logic could be applied to the OP though as she isn’t married to their brother, but she received an invite.

I think it’s ridiculous to exclude one person in a family of four. It was bound to cause upset. I wouldn’t go and I’d hope my partner would show his support by doing the same.

Oh ffs, of course he's family.

And the OP's nearly 18 year old son is the youngest cousin. So they are all adults, more or less.

Completely disagree with this' Your son is not family'; depends on interpretation of family. I have '4 'grandchildren; 2 are genetically my grandchildren, the older 2 are their brothers who I 'inherited'. In the best interests and wellbeing of all, I treat them all the same. That's how it works

That's very bad form of them. Your DS is family, not an extra to be excluded. It's a very hurtful slight.

I'll never understand why adults behave this way towards stepchildren.

Yes but are you actually close? Do you have an on-going relationship?