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AIBU?

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AIBU to think I’ll not have a good time on my birthday without her?

82 replies

NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 13:25

Hey so this sounds really silly as I know the chances of seeing one of my good friends on my birthday in a couple of weeks was really slim as she lives in a different country. For these past couple of months I hoped and had it in my head that she would likely be here as I had this feeling she would.

bit of backstory. I met her online 2 years ago. This past several months we’ve grown so close. We’ve just clicked. It’s that type of friendship where you feel like the other person is like a twin spirit and is part of you and when they’re not there especially at special occasions you feel like something is missing and feel incomplete. I remember going on a night out and all I could think of is that she should be here. We feel like we can tell each other anything and everything. She’s even said to me that there’s things she’s told me that she would be uncomfortable telling others which I’m flattered by. We have similar interests and views on life. She’s like this amazing kind hearted stunningly beautiful angel that has came into my life and I wish more than ever we lived close by. If we did I know for a fact we’d see each other all the time.

Just recently she’s been going through a hard time with a loved one not being well so I haven’t heard from her as much but we still talk everyday as we both like and comment on each others content on social media. I feel bad that she’s having to cope with dealing with that but that is what has set it in stone that she won’t be coming to visit. I really had it in my head that she’d be here. I’m having a big birthday night out with a lot of my friends and I’m really looking forward to it. Now it won’t feel the same without her or at least someone similar. I know I sound delusional and dumb right now but I imagined getting ready together getting our makeup on. A girly pamper night the night before (I had it in my head that would be the night she would arrive), dancing together to our favourite songs particularly one I had in my head (the one my two cousins who are sisters danced to at one of their birthdays and I’m envious of how close they are). I know I’ll still have a good time with my other friends and my husband. I’m grateful they will be there but I’ll be missing her unless she or someone similar is there.

WTF is wrong with me? I’m a grown woman married with kids why am I getting on like a teen?

OP posts:
NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 16:23

I don’t know I always have that fear that people everyone I’ve ever let close to me are gonna walk out on me. Sometimes I fear that with her. I see everyone else having these sorts of close clicky friendships so easily that I’m jealous and it’s like I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try to be. I feel if I lived in a different country I’d fit in better. The culture and country I’m from I’m a bit too different for it

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 14/06/2024 16:08

Have you sent her money?

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 14/06/2024 16:07

Op most people have had people walk out of their lives.

It’s not a unique experience.

and while some people have had bad luck and are lovely and had people tear them badly. Some people have brought it on themselves and you have no idea which group she would be in.

Its entirely possible she is backing off not just because there a sick relative, but because she feels you are becoming too intense so stepping away.

Again, how would you feel if this was your husband and another woman?

Singleandproud · 14/06/2024 15:48

Honestly forget about other people getting you, you need to get yourself. You wont have successfully relationships of any sort until you are happy with yourself and your own company and don't look outside it for validation

NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 15:45

TheShellBeach · 14/06/2024 15:41

You bump every single one of your threads!

How's the baby?

My baby is doing fine thanks

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/06/2024 15:41

NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 15:37

Bump

You bump every single one of your threads!

How's the baby?

NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 15:37

Bump

OP posts:
NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 15:36

Yeah

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/06/2024 15:27

Your kids?

You've always said that this was your first baby.

NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 15:13

I can see why this is a bit unhealthy. I think it’s because I’ve had a lot of friends walk out on me in the past and she makes me feel like I matter. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love my husband and my kids they are my world and I wouldn’t swap them or replace them for anyone or anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like I have this void in me that is hard to fill. I’ve been hurt so much in the past and I feel like very few people get me fully and I feel like she really does because we’ve been through similar things in the past. She’s had a lot of people walk out on her and treat her like shit too. I can’t explain it but i feel so close to her

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 14/06/2024 14:44

TheShellBeach · 14/06/2024 14:38

This.
Honestly, OP - your threads while you were pregnant were quite concerning.
Now your baby's arrived, you haven't even mentioned it.

Oh gosh, I hadn't twigged the username.

Yes OP, I think you should speak to your GP or HV.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/06/2024 14:43

She’s like this amazing kind hearted stunningly beautiful angel that has came into my life and I wish more than ever we lived close by. If we did I know for a fact we’d see each other all the time.

You don't know her at all. She is a stranger to you. You honestly need help because you're living in a delusion.

Aallvtirin · 14/06/2024 14:42

You haven't even met in person! Did she imply she would come visit for your birthday or is this just something you thought to yourself?

You sound like you're in love with her. It's ok not to be straight...I know you said you're religious but if you're not straight god made you that way. It's not a moral failing, it's just the way you are.

Barrellofbiscuits · 14/06/2024 14:42

OP, you are giving me distinct bunny-boiler vibes.

Seek help urgently.

TheShellBeach · 14/06/2024 14:38

Screamingabdabz · 14/06/2024 14:36

If a man had just had a baby with his partner but was obsessing over thoughts of himself and another male…

Not cool op. Sort yourself out.

This.
Honestly, OP - your threads while you were pregnant were quite concerning.
Now your baby's arrived, you haven't even mentioned it.

twentysevendresses · 14/06/2024 14:36

This is very fucked up obsessive behaviour OP! You do realise this don't you? Counselling might be your way forward.

Screamingabdabz · 14/06/2024 14:36

If a man had just had a baby with his partner but was obsessing over thoughts of himself and another male…

Not cool op. Sort yourself out.

CelesteCunningham · 14/06/2024 14:36

KreedKafer · 14/06/2024 14:23

Yes I would class myself as that but have had attractions to women in the past and experimented

You're not straight, then.

This. Honestly OP it reads like you're falling in love with her.

You're married, so you need to back away, the fact that she's a woman is moot - how would you feel if your DH spoke about someone in this way?

pasturesgreen · 14/06/2024 14:34

You've never even met her in person then? This is ringing all sorts of alarm bells, OP.

I'd be worried about you if I were one of your real-life friends (or your DH, for that matter). It's unhealthy and obsessive behaviour that won't do you any good in the long run.

I'd try and work on the relationships with your real-life friends, you know, the ones who'll actually be there to pick up the pieces when online friendship inevitably goes tits up...

Porageeater · 14/06/2024 14:32

Don’t give her any money or anything though OP. I’m always worried about scams. The sick relative might soon be needing some expensive medical treatment

MissUltraViolet · 14/06/2024 14:29

Sounds like you have a crush on this woman. This is giving emotional affair vibes and all sounds very intense to say you have never actually met her.

Your husband, I assume, has absolutely no idea?

This isn't healthy for any of you. What is missing/wrong for you to have become so attached to a stranger that lives in a different country despite having a husband, children, friends etc? You need to work that out.

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 14/06/2024 14:28

NewbieToThis · 14/06/2024 14:01

I will admit I do find this girl very attractive and I think she does with me

Why do you think she does? Because she compliments you?

I think you have spun this fantasy in your head. I think you posted to see if we would all say she fancies you. Chances are, she just thinks you are a good friend.

and honestly, if your dh was carrying on like this over another woman and saying he wouldn’t enjoy his birthday because she wasn’t there and he had been playing out dancing to certain songs with her….would you be ok with that?

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 14/06/2024 14:26

downday24 · 14/06/2024 13:42

I think people are being a but mean in that sometimes we do love our friends - I feel things quite strongly and if I think I'm going to see one of my sons and then I can't I can feel quite sad!!
OP Why can't she come and when will you see her next- can you arrange something to take the edge off the disappointment ??

Something to take the edge off?

Like a celebration? Or party? Which Op is already having and talking herself into not enjoying?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/06/2024 14:25

So you're a repressed bisexual woman at least who is having an emotional affair with a woman you've met online and you feel that life is only really enjoyable if she's there, despite being married to a man?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/06/2024 14:23

downday24 · 14/06/2024 13:42

I think people are being a but mean in that sometimes we do love our friends - I feel things quite strongly and if I think I'm going to see one of my sons and then I can't I can feel quite sad!!
OP Why can't she come and when will you see her next- can you arrange something to take the edge off the disappointment ??

You can't compare one of your sons to an internet friend youve known a couple of years!