Can’t pick bridesmaids, DP putting pressure on me to decide

Not only does the groom's sister not have to be a bridesmaid, traditionally it would not be considered especially appropriate unless you are already close friends. You've tried to be friends with her and she's not that interested. I suspect she's not half as keen on it as her brother!

Bring a bridesmaid is something for close friends and family; it's not just an 'I like you' token or even a way of binding to your new family. They are there to support the bride.

Not having your mother at your wedding is hard, and you should have whoever will be the best support and the best fun when getting ready.

I'd suggest as well as your MOH you ask the other close friend, and two other close friends as you all know each other and go out together, and then your two cousins if you don't want to leave them out, or if cousins are close and you're reluctant to have six then ask them instead of the pair of friends.

The flower girl will probably enjoy being a flower girl. Sixteen year old will not be able to be one of the other and probably better to find her another role. That's your fiancés job!

Also it's a long way away. No rush to make the decision but I would make clear to your DP that it's your choice and beyond the flower girl you're not asking anyone else on his side.

I’d pick everyone on your list apart from the two mainly work friends.

A sister in law is a sister, just in law not in blood.

The obvious answer to me is:
a) do want you want as an independent adult on her wedding day;

The problems are:

• sounds both your families are sponsoring a good chunk (or actually all of it?)
• you already have 'a lot of obligation invites'

So though it's your wedding, it's actually a mix of what you want and what your families expect🤷‍♀️
Conclusion, either you suck it up or put your foot down and deal with any family issues that might arise after

If you are having one niece as a flower girl, I think it’s quite harsh and needlessly cruel not to have her older sister as a bridesmaid. Whilst some might be relieved not to be asked, other 16 year olds would be crushed to have their sister asked to be in the wedding party and not them. I can understand you maybe not wanting her around whilst getting ready, but I really can’t see why she couldn’t get ready with the flower girls and maybe even be given the role of helping to supervise them beforehand and during the ceremony.

I’d say this is about the right balance. Choose who YOU want, if it matters that much that his family has a role then he can give them one! Ring bearer, witness, readings. Especially as you’ve tried for years and a strong relationship isn’t there.

For me, my boundaries would be that they have to be people I spend social time with regularly and over 18.

I had to try and organize a hen party once which included a 15 year old bridesmaid and it ruled out so many options…or the logistics of being somewhere that her parent could collect her before we moved onto cocktail making, bars and partying.

I wouldn’t have the sister - I wasn’t a bridesmaid for my sister in law and I had no issue with that whatsoever. They didn’t live close by so I’d maybe met her maybe 10 times before. I went to the hen do and had a great time but ultimately she’s a relative who I like but not a close friend.

So I’d do MoH, 2 cousins and 2 close friends as bridesmaids. Young niece as flower girl, older niece given the option of head flower girl. Sister in law given option of doing a reading. 2 work friends invited to hen and maybe put them in charge of getting the party started on the dance floor after the meal but not bridesmaids.

I'd probably have your MOH, your 2 cousins, his 16y old niece and his sister. Then, aside from MOH, you have 2 from each side.

Definitely don't recommend choosing anyone who you are only friends with because of work. 99% of the time, work friendships (no matter how close) only last for the time you work together plus a few months after. So in 20 years time you could look back at the photos and see 2 bridesmaids who you barely remember being friends with.

She will not be her sister. She will be her SIL who hasn’t made an effort with her in previous years so why would she after the wedding. Sister indeed!

This is a good warning!

Just what I would do, I would always put family first. Pretty soon she will be your sister too.

So your friends aren’t upset by one of them being left out and in order to avoid a huge wedding party I’d go for your two cousins and his sister.
Close family only. More from your side than his.

I only had a maid of honour that was my closest friend and none of my relatives. I’m wondering now if they thought they should have been part of the wedding party and were upset. No one said anything and I guess since it was 26 years ago, they’ll be over it by now 😆.

Just have your maid of honour. It’s about you. You’re sorted. One dress. No bitchy shenanigans over dresses or importance. Less pressure and cost to you. Job done.

You are going to have more people in your wedding party than we had at our wedding! What role are you expecting everyone to do?

This. There is no law that you have to have any. If you’re stressed about choosing, you’ll second guess all the way to the wedding and afterwards.

At a push, from what you’ve said, I’d stick to your cousins as they’ve been a close long term part of your life and friends, no matter how close, come and go over the years. And they are supposed to be YOUR close friends and family - NOT DHs, I’m afraid - and are intended to provide you with support on the day. So I would lovingly tell him that he gets no say, any more than you do in choosing his best man. You do not want to be babysitting teenagers you hardly know on ‘your’ day.

But, honestly? Just have a made of honour. Dump the rest. If you read half the threads on here, your friends and cousins will be at each other’s throats and there will be drama. I’d avoid that like the plague…

Have them all! Nobody counts the numbers of groomsmen vs bridesmaids on the day or on the pictures. Maybe drop the work friends if you're not likely to see them if you change jobs etc ..

Why are you picking his niece as flower girl?
Was it a particular request? Has her sister done it in the past but she was too young? Because to me that would be a good reason to leave older one out?

Why can't DH have women on his side?

I would suggest his sister is better placed to do a reading in the ceremony than be a bridesmaid. It's a bigger role anyway.

So after BM/MOH he has 5 ushers, you have cousins and close friends, not work friends.
That's equal.

What sort of wedding is it? Church? I mean bridesmaids don't really do a lot. It's a bit boring really? Would 16yr old be happy just getting her hair and make up done and choosing her own dress? Or also doing a reading? Does she sing or play music? Why can't she be an usher?

I'd have the cousins, the other best friend and the 16yo niece.

Maybe his sister at a push.

I would have his sister and neice and your two cousins along with your maid of honour

Yeah - what do 'groomsmen' do?

Are you in the UK?

the flower girl isn’t part of my 6, along with 2 other flower girls (DPs goddaughters) that will make up a separate kids party

Ah, I hadn't seeen this before posting, and if you've already given in by including godchildren I can imagine you'll get much more pressure over asking a full sister

It would be far too many for me and I'd cut it right back, but naturally it's your choice to make

Edited to add you're not going to get "emotional support" from that lot either - more likely you'll be sorting out squabbles, huddling with your bestie MoH to discuss whose fault it was and fielding complaints from those who don't agree

1 Second very close friend, see her less often than my best friend but still very close
2-3 2 other close friends, see maybe once a month but sort of go in a group with close friend and very close friend, was bridesmaid at one of their weddings
4 sister
5 niece
6 made of honour/ best mate

'That leaves one friend though. I can’t have the two close friends and not the very close friend that would be really hurtful since we are all the same group and I’m closer to her.'

Who am I missing?

Whose paying for all the bridesmaid outfits? Do you have bottomless budget?