Can’t pick bridesmaids, DP putting pressure on me to decide

I’m team bride - as in pick the people YOU want to share the special (and potentially stressful) moment with. Who the the people who make you feel good and supported? Pick them.
i wouldn’t pick the work friends as you already say you don’t see them on weekends, likely they won’t be in the picture if you or they changed jobs.

family on his side can be given other roles to make them feel important.

fwiw, I had 3 friends as bridesmaids. I also have two cousins who are very important to me, so they joined us in the morning getting ready and I got them the matching getting ready outfits. But they paid for their own hair and make up (I paid for bridesmaids) I also had special cousins photos with them prior to the wedding similar style to with bridesmaids. I’m pretty sure from their point of view they felt special and included and not offended they weren’t bridesmaids. And no regrets from my end I got to spend special moments with those I lived

I don’t know why you posted on here, because you find a problem with every suggestion. Just make your own mind up. You have plenty of time. And it is weird that your future husband is so invested in who your bridesmaids are. My husband left that to me. And it is also a weird mindset to think you have to give every relative a role at your wedding. Why? You both sound quite immature.

I would compromise and pick his sister but not his niece. As someone else suggested, she could be asked to do a reading or something similar if he wants her to have a role.

Then have your MOH, your two cousins and the second close friend that you mentioned.

This is a problem I'd have. I have two sisters, one I speak to daily and one I don't really speak to unless she turns up at my parents begging for money (we haven't got along for 10+years) I have two female cousins, my partner has a sister, 2 sister in laws, 2 nieces and 3 female cousins, then I've got my childhood best friend (since we were 3, we're now 39, godmother to her daughter 11)and a newer friend who I speak to daily and am his mother to both her children (1 girl 4, 1 boy 10 months) now I wouldn't want any of his family, don't get me wrong I love them all (except one cousin) but I don't want them to be bridesmaids. I'd definitely have my younger sister, probably my two best friends and my god children.
At the end of the day it's your choice,you have who you want with you on that walk.

Weird take, you don't have to be married to be pregnant, and just because you're married doesn't mean you have/want children

Unless you’re close with your DH’s sister then don’t feel forced into having her. I felt obligated to have my SIL who i wasn’t really close with and she was a complete cow in the run up & on the day !!! Still feel bitter about it several years later lol. You need people there who care about you not making it all about themselves.

From your list, I would go with your bestie & 2 cousins.

I wouldn’t pick the work friends as you said it’s a work relationship so they won’t be bothered they aren’t bridesmaids, the 16 year old is to young to attend the hen do could she be a ring bearer? Id definitely pick cousins but if one’s already married does she have children/ Ttc it might be worth asking if she wants to be a bridesmaid if she has other responsibilities or she might be pregnant by the time of the wedding.

Choose your friends/cousins!
I would want people who I can trust would plan a hen that I would like and it doesn't sound like his sister could do that as you don't have much of a relationship with her. Also would want the best atmosphere/vibes possible for getting ready on the wedding day and you will have that with your friends, not people you hardly know.
I wouldn't expect my brothers partner to ask me to be a bridesmaid personally, we see each other a handful of times per year. We get on fine enough but she doesn't know me well enough to be a bridesmaid.

Is a groomsman what we used to call an usher? I have no idea who you should pick I'm afraid but I have never got over the fact that 40 odd years ago my (only) brother did not have me as a bridesmaid. His wife was an only child and just had her best friend as MOH.

I haven’t read the thread but I’m of the opinion that being a bridesmaid or groomsman increases the probability exponentially that you won’t remain friends in the long term. 🤣

so on that basis I wouldn’t choose anyone I wanted to remain friends with!

Seems like every suggestion someone offers you come up with a reason as to why it won't work.
However, I think it would be strange to have work colleagues who you do not see outside of work as bridesmaids so I would just have them as guests.
I do not think a work colleague would be upset about not being asked to be bridesmaids.
You seem to be concerned about having the same number of people on each side of the bridal party, not upsetting any friends, returning the favour for your partner's sister and not upsetting his nieces.
Therefore, I would have your best friend as maid of honour.
Then your cousins, partner's sister and his 2 nieces as bridesmaids.
So you both have your one plus five others.
And you don't have to worry about leaving out any of your other friends because none of them will be chosen over the others.

It’s still plenty of time. If he is pressurising you for this what else does he pressure about.
you are going to upset someone

Have who you want of adult age friends and relations and the 12 year old. I only had one "obligation guest" person to my wedding, (to avoid upsetting one of my parents) but decided early on that it's our wedding and we only invited who we wanted to share our special day with. I only had my daughter as a bridesmaid and my sons as page boys. I didn't have any adult bridesmaids or a maid of honour.

Tell them ALL they can be bridesmaid. But they should provide their own white coloured dress. SORTED!!!!!!!!

From op’s other updates it sounds like both sets of parents are 100% on board with the plans and are inviting lots of their own guests that op isn’t actually that fussed about…

OP is this actually the wedding you want or are you being swept along with other people’s plans? There’s something in your posts that doesn’t sounds completely happy about it all xxx

I think people are missing the fact that you won’t have your mum there with you OP, so I agree you should have the people you want to support you on the morning of your wedding. Ignore the posters saying that no one else will be interested in the wedding, no-one actually wants to be a bridesmaid etc - they always pop up on the wedding threads on here.

Ditto the fact that you’ve obviously made multiple attempts to get more friendly with your future SIL which have all been rebuffed - I think if you’d included that in your op you might have got different responses.

And I agree with pp that this is a good opportunity to be a bit assertive with your future husband. I like the suggestion of asking the sister to be a witness (we had my stepdad and one of DH’s other friends).

Good luck x

Sister - can she be a witness?
Niece - if heR sister is involved, she needs to be too.

Very close friends and 2 cousins. That will be 4 bridesmaids, 1MOH and a flower girl

Unless your families are really wealthy (and this is a stealth bragging post) almost 200 people for a wedding reception with 10-12 adults/bridesmaids plus a group of flower girls seems absolutely ridiculous amount of money. I can't see change from 25 THOUSAND pounds just for that meal/drinks. Plus several thousand for the outfits etc for the people with roles.

Each to their own but I'm horrified someone would consider asking parents to pay this amount of money.

So to be clear I agree with the PP who suggested:

cousins, very close friend, MoH and sister in law. Reading for the 16 year old. Job done!

I’m sorry, I think you are being a bit daft about the whole ‘wanting just my closest friends around me’ thing.

You are going to be spending the whole wedding in her company, presumably she will be coming on the Hen Do, and again presumably you can look forward to many more special occasions in her company in the years to come throughout your married life together - Christmas, birthdays, maybe baby showers, Christenings, children’s parties, big anniversaries….is it not better to save yourself the aggro and just have her as a bridesmaid? For the sake of basically 3-5 measly hours of hair and make-up on the morning of your wedding?

Seems like you’re just digging your heels in on a point of principle because you don’t like her, but those few hours without her are not exactly important at the end of the day, certainly not in comparison to family relationships which hopefully will last until the end of your life!

So your looking for 6...

MOH best friend.

Both cousins
2nd very close friend
Sister and niece.

Work people are just that... in 20years you wanna be looking at photos of work colleagues in your bridal party that you probably won't speak to anymore...

Keep it to family only. Then you have a reason to tell your friends none of them are in the party rather than just 1 or 2.
Your 2 cousins. DH niece and his sister and then your MOH makes it equal.
Or no family and friends only.

My honest opinion. The wedding party is huge! Does DH really need that many?

LoI boy I went to school with had 14 groomsmen and 4 page boys. His partner had same with bridesmaids ect.

Excessive eh

Or have em all!

I had something similar when I got married. There were lots of options that we both thought about. My issue was not DH it was the rest of both families. If they had their way, we would have had all the cousins, neices, nephews etc etc! We then decided to go with my choice, my best friend and daughter. It was less stress, less cost. We did have some backlash, but we held our heads high and had a lovely day. It's your wedding, your choice. Tell DH to see it's not a family day it is you're day.