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AIBU?

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Can’t pick bridesmaids, DP putting pressure on me to decide

338 replies

Andue · 14/06/2024 12:13

DP and I are getting married in 14 months, most of the prep is well on the way the only issue is I haven’t decided who my bridesmaids will be. When it comes to it I feel like there are a lot of people I could pick and some expectations from DH on his side as to who I should pick.

Maid of honour will be my best friend, we’ve known each other since primary, lost touch and then went to uni together. Have been super closer since.

Options on my side

  • Both my cousins, one maternal one paternal. I grew up really close to them, spent weeks with them every summer and was the Maid of honour at one of their weddings
  • Second very close friend, see her less often than my best friend but still very close
  • 2 other close friends, see maybe once a month but sort of go in a group with close friend and very close friend, was bridesmaid at one of their weddings
  • 2 other friends, see them more than most of the others and socialise with them more, however the only connection is work and that is mainly when we socialise (go for lunch together during work or a drink after but rarely seem them on weekends etc.)
DHs expectations
  • His 16 year old niece, her younger sister (8) will be a flower girl, he thinks she needs a role too, but is very traditional and won’t have women/girls on his side
  • His younger sister, same idea - his brother is Best man, my brother is a groomsman, he thinks I need to return the favour and give his sister a role

Past maid of honour I have no idea who to pick. DH has 1 best man and 5 groomsmen/ushers so ideally we’d equal it out.

AIBU to feel like it’s a lot of pressure to decide and to feel really overwhelmed by it?
He keeps pestering me to decide but it’s a lot!

Any advice on who I should pick?

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 14/06/2024 12:19

A bridal party this big will be hugely expensive, so keep that in mind.

I'd either just go with MOH, or go with MOH, your cousins and perhaps his sister to keep the peace, especially since he's having your brother.

He can have the 16yo if he wants, or get her to do a reading.

Andue · 14/06/2024 12:19

I get why people are saying just MOH but I would actually like more than that! It’s just who that’s the issue. Ideally I’d have the 5 to match DP.

OP posts:
123ZYX · 14/06/2024 12:18

I would choose his niece and sister, plus your best friend as bridesmaids and ask your cousins to do another role such as be your witnesses or do a reading. That's based on the importance 8 place 9n family relationships, though - the relationships you consider most important might be different.

When I got married, we considered together who we wanted to have roles, then decided the most appropriate role for each person, rather than having each of us choose bridesmaids and groomsmen separately

Dramatic · 14/06/2024 12:18

I'd choose his sister, your cousins and your 2 close friends (not the work ones)

Andue · 14/06/2024 12:18

JustMarriedBecca · 14/06/2024 12:16

I'd have been gutted if I was a younger sister and wasn't asked if I was under the age of 14. Depends how old she is.

Otherwise just have an MOH.

She’s 26 - so not exactly “young”

OP posts:
sparkysdream · 14/06/2024 12:18

Just maid of honour, keeps it simple, avoids upsetting lots of people

AnnaMagnani · 14/06/2024 12:17

Either none or the niece.

Avoids your friends/cousins falling out with you by not being picked.

JustMarriedBecca · 14/06/2024 12:16

I'd have been gutted if I was a younger sister and wasn't asked if I was under the age of 14. Depends how old she is.

Otherwise just have an MOH.

Andue · 14/06/2024 12:16

GennyLec · 14/06/2024 12:15

Don't have any. Sorted.

I mean while that is the simple answer, that’s definitely not what I’m going to do and it’s a black and white response.

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 14/06/2024 12:16

That’s a ridiculous number of groomsmen/bridesmaids.

ByCupidStunt · 14/06/2024 12:16

GennyLec · 14/06/2024 12:15

Don't have any. Sorted.

Super helpful.

OP I think I would choose his sister plus your two cousins.

Peckhampalace · 14/06/2024 12:16

Just have your maid of honour and don't have bridesmaids or flower girls and then they all wear what they like and you don't offend anyone you don't include. Husband to be lives with your decision gracefully.

GennyLec · 14/06/2024 12:15

Don't have any. Sorted.

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