Can’t pick bridesmaids, DP putting pressure on me to decide

I had stuff like this happening when I remarried. SD immediately said she was so excited about being a bridesmaid, my sister didn't want to be, my best friend would have been my choice, husband wanted nieces. I decided not to have any. Job done.

For what it’s worth, I had my DHs sister as bridesmaid, I didn’t know her super well but over the years we have grown closer and I was her MOH at her wedding last week, 12 years after my wedding.

Just go with MOH and flower girls (i.e. any female relatives young enough to do that role)

Ask him to stick to best man only.

Give special roles to other adults you are close too.

Why does everyone want the sister to be a bridesmaid when they are clearly not close? Is it just because of ‘tradition’?

I'd go with very best friend as MOH and 2 cousins. Let other friends know you'd love to have them but politics, blah, blah.

In terms of your DH to be's expectations, I'd ask the 16 yo if she would like to be a bridesmaid. Depending on the 16 yo, it could be their worst nightmare or she might just like to choose her own dress etc. If she does want to, she might be helpful to hang out with the 8 yo and be a familiar face walking up the aisle etc. If 16 yo would really like to then have her and his sister (unless he can be persuaded to palm sister off with a reading or witnessing signing the register?).

That gives 6 in total, 2 are children (ish), 4 adults. 3 are people you have chosen who have known you a long time and would support you.

If he is having 6, I would have best friend as MOH, close friend and his sister as bridesmaids. Then flower girl and your cousins as bridesmaids to save choosing between friends. Give his other niece a role such as doing a reading.

Can your cousins also have an usher role .. not strictly traditional but why not!

You should have niece and sister, your MOH and best friend.

Or just maid of honour.

You don’t need to have exact matching numbers on both sides. DH had 2 best men and 5 ushers. I had one MoH and one bridesmaid, and it made my day so much calmer not having multiple people around trying to get ready.

I missed that one niece is confirmed as flower girl but I still don’t think you need to choose other niece. Good luck!

I would choose your cousins, his nieces and his sister.

I personally find it awkward to be asked to be a brides made for sister in law unless we were really close.

I had 4 bridesmaids and I am not in an American film, and married before Instagram existed. In fact I’ve been to approximately 30 weddings and bar one, they’ve all had multiple bridesmaids.

I would go best friend, next closest friend, 2 cousins and his sister. You are leaving out 2 close friends but at least 2. Fine to leave out nieces and again 2 of them. This way, you have 5 as well and good mix. You have his sister so matches him having your brother.
Also - your partner shouldn’t be pressuring you. It is your decision and it is 14m away! If anyone asks him he can just say you’ve not decided yet.

I would go with your best friend as MOH, then your two cousins, his niece and his sister. Don't have any more of your friends other than the one best friend, because then you're into crazy territority for numbers if you have them all, and you're potentially hurting feelings by selecting

Exactly this.

I did similar. I had my closest friend as MoH and my two sisters as BM's. There were three or four other 'candidates' but choosing between them would have been total headwork.

His sister and niece, your two cousins.

I’d go with:

MoH (your best friend)
2 cousins
16 year old niece
Flower girl (8 yr old niece)

Then ask his sister to do a reading.

This means the 16 year old has to be somewhat in charge of her little sister. Also it makes all the adult bridesmaids ones you actually know and love as your friends / family, while still giving honorary roles to the younger members of your DP’s family.

It is easier to leave out lots of friends than just some - shows that you have mostly family bridesmaids so they needn’t feel bad about not being included as lots of other friends aren’t. They can be all a big group of beautiful friends together.

And his sister doing a reading is a notable thing to be included in the wedding - she’s older than the niece so less daunting for her to do it.

This - if you aren’t close to his sister don’t pick her. I’m friends with my DH’s sister but she wasn’t my bridesmaid. My closest friends were. Because that is what I wanted - nobody was offended.

Just have your best friend as "maid of honour"/witness. She can sign the register. You don't need any more, and it looks much more elegant to just have one person with you.

In my opinion bridal party is who bride is closest to and best man/groomsman is who the groom is closest to. I don’t really agree with having family in either parties just for the sake of it or out of obligation. I’m getting married similar time and I will be having 3 or 4 friends. Dh will have his 2 best friends. He was a bit conflicted about his brother so I’ve suggested he ask his brother and 2 young nephews to be ushers. Our 2 kids will be page boys. SIL won’t be in my bridal party just because she is my DHs brothers partner. I wouldn’t want to be bridesmaid for her out of some perceived obligation, I’d find it awkward being BM to someone I’m not close to.

It is helpful, I didn´t have any either and it sorted any problems before they arose.
My mum refused to have kids as bridesmaids and only had her adult sister and best friend. That also sorted many problems she was seeing arising.

• Both my cousins, one maternal one paternal. I grew up really close to them, spent weeks with them every summer and was the Maid of honour at one of their weddings
• Second very close friend, see her less often than my best friend but still very close
• 2 other close friends, see maybe once a month but sort of go in a group with close friend and very close friend, was bridesmaid at one of their weddings

This gang! His family, his problem x

I wouldn't have your work friends and I wouldn't have anyone from his side of the family personally.

Have them all! But with low key expectations. Ie: wear a green dress, cream/white shoes and you provide a hair piece or something. All do your own hair & make-up. It's inclusive, makes them all special, but low stress.