hi all, reaching out as I need an outsider’s opinion on a moral dilemma I’m having after my boyfriend of 6 months told me he’s had short, sexual relationships with a 19 yo, 20 and 21 yo at the age of 28.
For context, he is currently 31 and I am turning 29. He hasn’t dated in 2 years and we met through mutual friends. We are long distance. My friends are very in the know of our relationship journey and have approved him because they’ve seen his positive effects in my life—stability, kindness, generosity, effort, intention, servitude. But I’m starting to question everything now.
When I encouraged him to consider how problematic that is and the power dynamic of that age gap, he was very much on defense.
At first, his response was to insist that it was only casual sex and not full blown relationships, which didn’t make me feel better or feel like he understand the moral issue.
By the end of the conversation, he admitted that it was questionable behavior and said it’s not something he would do again. It’s hard to tell if he was genuine about this or just agreeing with me to end the conversation and move on.
I haven’t been able to move on, or continue acting like everything is OK and I know he can tell.
I reached out to him today to share that I still felt conflicted and needed some time and space to be introspective and draw out my boundaries. He again gave me mixed responses. He first told me he respected the space needed but later in the conversation he emotionally withdrew and told me if I’m planning to with him to let him know so he can let go.
I felt so uncomfortable ending the call because I was not proposing a breakup but he took it there. I feel uncomfortable retelling this.
If I had shared this info with me on our first date, it would have caused me to exit. but because I’ve experienced 6 months of comfort and safety with this person, I’m very confused.
I’m reaching out for compassionate insight, because I’ve grown to love this man and this information he’s shared with me is causing a huge inner conflict.
I don’t know whether to stay and work it out or take the signs and cut things off before I get in too deep.
Kind feedback welcome, my heart is feeling tired <3 thanks in advance