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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want my DNA on 23 and me / Ancestry etc?

65 replies

fingernails24 · 13/06/2024 23:08

I'm not sure if IABU but just have a bit of a gut feeling / dislike about the prevalence of people submitting their DNA to these "fun" sites to find out their genealogy
I understand if you're adopted or other reason to question your heritage but personally have some privacy concerns about having my DNA stored on some global database for which the privacy is not exactly clear on how it's used or shared.
I'm also a true crime fan and appreciate the strides towards cold case crime solving using these methods but still I just don't want to do this
Feels a bit "handmaids tale" in that it's sold as a fun Xmas gift and behind the scenes there is now a huge global database from which companies can track us (a bit like targeted advertising) and I don't like it
My mother in law told me I was a flat earther and I'd love to have some logical arguments/ reasons / evidence to share with her
Or happy to be told I'm being overly concerned

OP posts:
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Katiesaidthat · 14/06/2024 14:59

PToosher · 14/06/2024 11:27

We had been stuck with our family history for over 50 years, unable to progress past our great grandfather, nothing tied up, dates, names, nothing.
One of the family elders did an Ancestry DNA test, from that a link to a 3rd or 4th cousin was found and having made contact with him and looking through his family tree things fell into place. Great grandfather left the army following the Boer War and lived the rest of his life under the name of another soldier.

Wow...that was weird development.

Mama2many73 · 14/06/2024 14:54

Podcast ' The Gift' (possibly bbc) has true life stories yo what has happened, been unearthed by people getting 'this gift '.
Scary stories and far reaching!

EmeraldRoulette · 14/06/2024 14:38

LakeTiticaca · 14/06/2024 14:26

It isn't compulsory to upload your dna onto an ancestry site. If you're uncomfortable about just don't do it!!

Of course!

annoying that others doing it can impact people so much though.

Skyrainlight · 14/06/2024 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at OP's request.

Sorry to hear this, that is tough to take. xx

Skyrainlight · 14/06/2024 14:36

I don't have any logical arguments for you but I agree, it just feels off to me, I wouldn't do it. My brother in Australia did it and his results came back that he had a close relative in New Zealand, which is my cousin. There is just something too creepy about giving companies access to the kind of information that allows them to make these and other connections and insights.

LakeTiticaca · 14/06/2024 14:26

It isn't compulsory to upload your dna onto an ancestry site. If you're uncomfortable about just don't do it!!

Swanbeauty · 14/06/2024 12:42

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

PToosher · 14/06/2024 12:34

SerendipityJane · 14/06/2024 11:58

All a bit Don Draper ...

Yes similar. Although the other soldier in our case stayed in the army as a career soldier. Great grandad moved far away so they would never cross paths.

fingernails24 · 14/06/2024 12:32

@KreedKafer no where did I say I was telling people not to do it - just curious about others feeling the way I do about it - and being called a flat earther by MIL for not wanting to do it !

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 14/06/2024 12:30

@RedToothBrush @OVienna Thank you for answers, totally see the points made

I am always puzzled that anyone uses these sites tbh but even more annoyed to realise how much potential there is for someone to trace you, presumably as there's now so much more linked data out there than there was when these sites first started to operate.

Catza · 14/06/2024 12:28

jellybe · 14/06/2024 09:21

@Catza what was this documentary please.

Web of Death, episode 2
Disney plus

KreedKafer · 14/06/2024 12:26

I don't think it's weird not to want to do it, any more than it's weird not to want to join Facebook or whatever.

I do think it's weird if you're telling other people that they shouldn't do it, or trying to convince them that it's all part of a big conspiracy, though.

SerendipityJane · 14/06/2024 11:58

PToosher · 14/06/2024 11:27

We had been stuck with our family history for over 50 years, unable to progress past our great grandfather, nothing tied up, dates, names, nothing.
One of the family elders did an Ancestry DNA test, from that a link to a 3rd or 4th cousin was found and having made contact with him and looking through his family tree things fell into place. Great grandfather left the army following the Boer War and lived the rest of his life under the name of another soldier.

All a bit Don Draper ...

PToosher · 14/06/2024 11:36

US law enforcement used the DNA testing service of GEDMatch to catch the Golden State Killer. They submitted a sample of DNA and were able to find some distant familial matches, then built a huge family tree and identified potential suspects. Gradually they whittled it down and identified the killer.
There are a couple of documentaries about the case, it's very interesting and quite shocking the number and variety of heinous crimes he committed.

PToosher · 14/06/2024 11:27

We had been stuck with our family history for over 50 years, unable to progress past our great grandfather, nothing tied up, dates, names, nothing.
One of the family elders did an Ancestry DNA test, from that a link to a 3rd or 4th cousin was found and having made contact with him and looking through his family tree things fell into place. Great grandfather left the army following the Boer War and lived the rest of his life under the name of another soldier.

time4anothername · 14/06/2024 11:26

23andme's attitude to the stolen data is what would put me off ever giving them any info or money. There seems no remorse in their emails to customers, blamed the users whose accounts were the original entry point (because they might have re-used a password that was for sale with their data on the dark web from a different website hack) and glossed over that the vast majority who had their data stolen were victims of the hijacked accounts.

A relation got some really helpful for us to know health info from 23andme and I was thinking of using it but no way now with that attitude.

tootyflooty · 14/06/2024 11:14

I did the DNA testing for a bit of fun and to see a more accurate cultural split, I had some links for relatives I already knew about but hadn't met, so was nice to connect with a few messages. But I've not done much else with the info. I did gift my adult children kits at Christmas but they haven't got round to doing them yet.
My work colleague did it to trace her birth parents and other connected family, and she now has a good relationship with several of her half siblings. But another friend of mine, did it as one of her Fathers cousins had done it, so they wanted to compare findings, but it looks like her Father was likely not her father, and as both parents are no longer alive she is left with a lot of unanswered questions. So I can see why some people may be reluctant to dig around too much.

OVienna · 14/06/2024 11:01

EmeraldRoulette · 14/06/2024 10:07

@RedToothBrush I'm really sorry if this is a thick question, but how does access to DNA information about others impact information about you? I mean apart from knowing who your relatives are, any diseases they might be prone to...do you mean they'll say "well, we know that several members of your family had this particular health condition"?

I was under the impression the tests were pretty unreliable anyway.

In general, they worry me, but I had hoped to escape any impacts from other people giving away information.

The tests are 100% reliable in terms of identifying DNA links. The predictors they give for possible relationships are not always (unless it's a parent.) That's where you need to do the paperwork/investigative work to confirm. The ethnicity stuff is here and there - it's become more accurate as more people have tested (generally speaking). But you also need to back that up with your own research to be sure. I will also add another caveat that DNA matches under like 20cm can be a bit of 'noise' but not always. The problem is more that the paper record which might link you to the ancestor is too far back to prove things sometimes. People's reaction to very high unexpected DNA matches is often that it is a 'mistake' - it isn't, honestly, but it does take time to process.

I'm adopted and I did my DNA and discovered my birth father straightaway and confirmed biological ties to my birth mother's family that I knew existed through other means. My birth father was also adopted and I figured out with the help of a genetic genealogist who his parents were.

If enough of your relatives have done DNA a researcher can 'find' you through paper records even if you are not on the sites yourselves. This is why things can be tricky if you want to remain private and you have lots of keen family researchers around you! It can be very invasive.

Some people are ridiculous about their trees being 'accurate' as if they were under notice and making some sort of submission to the courts as part of litigation as opposed to a fun hobby but ultimately a record of people's personal relationships as much as anything else. I have had to beg my new found biological family members with 10K plus people trees not to include some details about the other side of my biological family (who are nothing to do with them whatsoever) out of concern for their privacy. It's been a nightmare TBH.

This tests carry risks and the poster upthread who said she wouldn't be prepared for something to 'come out of the woodwork' is being completely reasonable. I am not offended by that comment. Once you open the door, you can't control what happens next.

I am glad I did it overall but it's not 'just a fun thing' for many people. The sites are getting a bit better about the warnings after all the NPE experiences but it doesn't really sink in until it happens to you.

Towerofsong · 14/06/2024 10:53

I'm not keen, especially as 23andMe had a massive data breach and lists of people with Jewish DNA were up for sale on the dark web.

shellyleppard · 14/06/2024 10:46

My dad did this in his late 70's as he was trying to get information on his real father. He was a g i baby and his mother never had much information on him. It was an interesting project for him as he now knows his real heritage

ItsNotAShopItsAStore · 14/06/2024 10:43

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/06/2024 10:40

Having had a 'slag' of a birth father and being that half sibling who came 'out of the woodwork' I find your comments very ignorant.

Why?

OVienna · 14/06/2024 10:43

NippyCrab · 13/06/2024 23:26

Do you mean submitting your DNA sample to find out your heritage as in you could be a % of Irish, mostly American and a fraction Scottish? I'd love that, is that a different thing to the ancestry family tree builder?

FYI - there is no 'American' on these sites, unless you mean Native American. You may get information that your families were part of immigrant communities (I have that) in the US and elsewhere. But the reason these things have taken off is Americans want to find out where they are 'really' from.

Eyesopenwideawake · 14/06/2024 10:40

ItsNotAShopItsAStore · 13/06/2024 23:11

I don’t want to do it either even though someone bought me a DNA pack one Christmas. Not for the same reasons as you but I know a few people who have found that loved ones have some pretty shocking skeletons i the closet and my dad, who died a few years ago, was by all accounts a bit of a slag in his youth 😂 I wouldn’t want a half sibling coming out the woodworks. I just have a gut feeling about it. And once you’ve done it, that information is out there, there’s no going back. As you say it’s meant to be a fun thing but I think unless you’re REALLY into genealogy it could end in teats

Having had a 'slag' of a birth father and being that half sibling who came 'out of the woodwork' I find your comments very ignorant.

Buildingupandup · 14/06/2024 10:36

paasll · 13/06/2024 23:24

Considering the info people put on social media, I don’t really consider the DNA sites to be much of a problem. You can tick the box for your sample to be destroyed after the analysis is done.

If you don't want these businesses to have your DNA I wouldn't trust that tick box.

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