To think that comments on Mumsnet are a good indicator of what people in real life think, but may not say.

Looking from the outside (Australia) I do sometimes wonder if one of the reasons Mumsnet took off is because English people find it difficult to be blunt. I think this is probably a good space to balance out that tendency (to not say it like it is very often).

I've thought the same.

Surely the difference here though is that she was just telling you rather than asking for your actual opinion?

People on here are actually asking AIBU? so people are going to say yes, you are if they think that. Equally, if someone asked me in real life AIBU I would be honest about it, of course I'd say it in a kind way and wouldnt be rude but I wouldnt tell someone they were reasonable if I thought they were being an arse. I'd probably say something like "yes, but if I imagine it from their side they may have thought xyz" etc

I love this typo.

Feminine role 🤣Did you just beam in from the 1050s?

Looking from the outside (Australia) I do sometimes wonder if one of the reasons Mumsnet took off is because English people find it difficult to be blunt. I think this is probably a good space to balance out that tendency (to not say it like it is very often).

I really appreciate the bluntness on here. I'm shockingly socially anxious so it helps me to think about what's going on for other people - all those mums-at-the-school-gate type threads. No, they don't hate me, they're just swamped by life. Or, on the other side of the equation, when I'm feeling too overwhelmed to make eye contact, they might conclude I'm being snobbish.

I’ve been endlessly dismayed by the number of things you can do, like salting your food for example, that will, according to MN, make some people secretly hate you with the fire of a thousand suns 🤣
Its a bit anxiety provoking at times.

I agree. I've said it on here for years. Mumsnet isn't 'worse' than real life, Mumsnet is more real than real life. The internet, anonymous spaces in particular show you the truth of people.

People are at their most honest when they believe they will face no consequences.

So all the awful things people say on the internet are 100% the complete truth of who they are.

People who are unkind online but nice in real life aren't nice in real life because they are nice people. They are nice because that's what serves them best and is least likely to have negative consequences for them.

Remove the consequences - remove the mask.

I hope not.
Many of the posts on here, especially of late have been pretty awful.
I particularly hate the 'pile on' nature.

There is a small but vocal cohort who come to MN to try and disrupt those things they consider to be feminism.
The posters who see a better deal for women equating to a worse one for men and would rather the interests of men be prioritised. Those unable to differentiate between a discussion on the bad behaviour that is largely unique to men, and an attack on the men they know who are lovely. The ones who personally benefit from sexist inequality because they are protected and supported by a man and have an easier life as a result. And then the men themselves, like moths to a flame to every thread that indicates there may be a centring of women's interests over their own.
These posters complain constantly they hate the site, yet deliberately join threads where they will encounter the opinions that offend them. There are hundreds of threads about all sorts of life and parenting issues that are not remotely political, yet always they're on the ones where they can argue with the 'feminists'. Whereas in real life those of us acting in good faith would not join a Conservative party rally if we were Labour supporters or go to a steak house if we were vegan so we could complain about the food.

In real life, people tend to be more diplomatic, or at least sort of tut along and nod. This is probably because saying, "Oh get a grip!" will result in the other party getting upset, or angry and things descending into a loud row.

Unless someone is nasty to me, I find it very difficult to be blunt, even if I'm asked for an honest opinion

Online, the worst that can happen is that someone will respond with a rude message. I think that SM is often used to blow off a bit of steam and people like to employ a bit of hyperbole, often for comic effect.

Really? You've not read some of the political threads then?

As for feminist, it's a woman led forum what do you expect.

Well, only in the sense that people might be thinking things and not saying them but what they’re thinking will really vary. There are loads of Mumsnet norms that even lots of MN users think are completely crackers.

Yes !! MN ( and social media too ) has given me a real insight into how horrible, nasty and jealous some people are. They walk amongst us with their vile spiteful views. Its made me more wary tbh

But it’s not. Politically, it’s pretty centrist, and while there are certainly feminist posters and an active feminism board, and obviously the site is woman-centric, I don’t think I’d generally characterise Mn as feminist. It’s certainly no echo chamber of my views. Which is why I value it. In my RL I know virtually no women who have been SAHMs, who have changed their name on marriage, who are financially dependent on a man. It’s valuable to see other people’s thought processes.

So for me it’s less ‘people saying what they secretly think’ than ‘people I don’t meet in RL (perhaps) saying what they think’.

Yes, I think so. That’s the case all over the internet, even though the degree or tone varies from one site to the next. But I think there’s something about being a woman and the expectation (in my circle, anyway) that you’ll be calm, sociable, even-handed etc etc that gets upended on here.

I liken it to people with road rage. If you met Derek in a supermarket he would be nice as pie but behind a wheel he is short tempered and full of rage. MN reminds of this, I would bet the vast majority of posters who just love to put the boot in would never have the audacity to say these things in RL.

People on here seem a lot more obsessed with the idea that other people are jealous/envious of them than in real life. Which I always see as a sign of insecurity. People happy with their life and choices, who genuinely believe they have a great set up, don't typically spend their time side eyeing other people hoping for a sign they're envious. They just get on with enjoying what they're doing and if people disapprove or hold alternative views, they just assume the other person is on a different page or wrong. Outside of some SM 'hunning' I've never once heard a grown woman accuse another of jealousy as part of a theoretical discussion like some do on here. Its like children in a playground.

Lefty feminist hell hole is hilarious! Why do you post then?! You must be part of that demonic group! And the avalanche of hair tearing out posts on the VAT / private school issue are not very lefty are they!

That issue gets people riled up on here but I don’t see that in real life and I have friends and family with kids at private school.

I agree.

Occasionally I am blunt on Mumsnet whereas in real life, I never am. It’s a relief sometimes to be able to just express your true opinion and show that you think someone is plain wrong in what they are saying.

leftie feminist hell hole

I'm actually very surprised at the conservatism, with large and small C, that I see on mumsnet. It has helped me understand how people's own life experiences, fears, concerns and values can translate into their political positions, as you tend to see people here being more open and frank about how they judge the causes and effects of things in the world. It's always interesting to see a problem identified and people will draw different analyses of what causes it and the best social or political solution.

Because no joke, my starting position has been that being Tory verges on a mental health condition - the psychological roots of it being fear and an inability to empathise. So no virtue signalling from me, just a really different take on what would improve society. I am genuinely grateful to see how it works in other people's minds and understand more so I can be less judgemental.

(I'm not trying to be goady- really I'm not, you can check my other posts to see that I usually post in good faith!)

Having said that I also love that whatever our take on society, there are things we all agree on. Deadbeat dads should pay more and rhe system is skewed in their favour, for example. Abusive men sometimes trap women who can't then leave easily. Given that example, I question how someone could airily say they are "not a feminist" and yet come onto mumsnet often.

Doesn't mumsnet show that despite our many differences, we have, as a class of women, some fiercely important shared interests, and a need for change? That's all feminism is.

I agree op. I know I give a true opinion on here that I wouldn't say in real life. That's what I love about mumsnet - you get honest thoughts.

I desperately that MN does not reflect how real women think.

There are so many awful, vile comments on here.

If this site does reflect how many women think, then women - as a class - are terrible.

I think it's somewhere in the middle. In real life people are often too polite and don't say what they're really thinking. People on here can sometimes be too harsh, because it's just words on a screen and they're not thinking of the OP as a real person with feelings.

It's a bit odd on here and getting odder. I'm fairly left wing myself in real life but even I can see that it's a very skewed demographic here just now, and the misandry drives me mental. If everyone in real life hated men and believed literally everything they do to be as unilaterally wrong as they do on here I don't think anyone would procreate/ have a relationship with a man/get married at all!

You can be a woman - not a feminist, and be feminine, have a good life with a good family, and be right wing. It’s is possible. And there are a lot of us.

but this is an echo chamber which is pretty much full of bitterness and badly concealed envy.