To be done with this forum..

I think they are men!

If anyone remembers the thread please don't comment about not believing me. I feel sick now just bringing it up.

A lot of us are kind on here...unless theres a complete dickhead. Theres some horrible people in general , on here or in life, bullies also seem to pile on here once one person has criticized OP. OP dont worry, just dismiss the rudeness as their issue, you get a lot of martyrs on here. Its their issue tbf. It does depend what you post though 😉

i don’t really use mumsnet for sympathetic advice, I think you have to really weigh up advice from nameless faceless strangers. It’s a good place to ask for opinions or to discuss something though. You get a really good range of opinions which are exactly what people think unfiltered by them not wanting to hurt your feelings. Friends tend to tone down any controversial opinions for the sake of friendship and might not tell you what they really think.

I’ve had some really kind thoughtful responses from people, but there are as many opinions as there are different people. I think if you need a sympathetic ear you have to talk to someone IRL.

I'm sorry you've had that response. I think there are a lot of very judgemental people out there but there are also lots of very empathetic people who have navigated these things and are happy to share their wisdom. I tend to look and post on certain boards where people are generally very lovely. i do think there are some anti-women elements on here who try and upset things, and bring women down.

I find that many comments are often in the spirit of ‘being better than’ the person posting, for example the ‘why didn’t you just ask?’ Or ‘are you on treatment for your anxiety?’- it’s horrible and absolutely not helpful. I don’t see why people post those comments it’s literally a waste of their time!!

In my own experience I posted a thread a few days ago about my dog being poorly and any treatments anyone has tried for similar - only one reply was actually a recommendation- all the other replies were (Not nasty but-) mildly condescending saying I should ask my vet.. obviously I had given a huge amount of story and context clearly showing I have spoken to the vet and why I was asking here..

the other thing that I do not understand on MN is the fact anyone who dares admit they earn over 40k cannot ever ever ever have any money issues or complain at all about money! As if life is that black and white… it’s all becoming a bit of a scamble to the bottom..

I'm autistic op.

I don't talk to many people in real life so I use this a lot.

The amount of times I've asked for advice and felt worse. I darent pick up my phone because if I saw a notification from here I'd have to read it.

Over the past 15 years I've posted about the same worries and on one you wouldn't believe the answers. It took me a year to get it deleted by Mumsnet. They said my husband was a drug dealer, criminal, I was aware of it, he was living a double life, had more kids, had ran someone over and fled the scene, I don't deserve my kids, I shouldn't have had kids, all in one post it was mental. I took screen shots stupidly and 3 years later I'm still upset.

Do try parenting groups on Facebook and the like. There’s a lovely one called the village - a parenting community for humans. There’s also a sub group of that for ND parenting (the village ND parenting or similar I can’t remember the name now). My daughter is ASD/ADHD.

Unfortunately when people can hide behind anonymity their worst selves come out, I can well imagine if it was a Facebook group where their name and profile were visible the comments would be far kinder

Agree OP. There are so many ridiculous responses on here…

[Sharon from Putney giving some outlandish advice and unecessarily being rude to the OP] "BLAH BLAH BLAHDEE BLAH" … [me, think] "would you really do that, shazza? Or are you just a keyboard warrior like all the others on here?"

I am fairly new to Mumsnet, but there seems to be a few goady, dense people who go against the grain for the sake of it - I don't believe they are 'real' and I think it may be a few posters with multiple accounts.
Add to that the lack of comprehension (I'm not talking about language difficulties, I mean those who do not read the thread, or do not take it in because they have their own agendas) and a thread looking for help, opinions and advice becomes derailed by argumentative idiots.
I own up to being one to call out the 'gentle' the 'goady' and the downright idiotic, when perhaps it would be better to just ignore them.
Go have a rest on the Style and Beauty thread, or dare I say it, Christmas thread, where the people are lovely caring and helpful - it restores your faith.

I agree MN has changed over the years. The worst bashing I copped on here started with me be light-heartedly snarky about my cousin's wedding. You would've thought I'd issued a Call-To-Arms to kill all small furry animals from the vitriol I received!

Meanwhile it was also the 1st time I'd ever received PMs from other memebers. And they all said "Don't take this to heart" or "Please don't listen to the trolls".

So I like to think the good outweighs the bad.

Yeah I agree. I think the thing about toddlers is they have different personalities and irrational (to us) behaviour. My eldest is 3 next month and I’ve definitely looked at mums with the expression they may have grown two heads (both on MN and IRL). Sometimes the suggestions are guaranteed a tantrum, so I work out if it’s a battle I need to fight. Also what works one day may not work the next. We’re all making it up. People are only experts on their own children.

Remember you can report comments for being 'Not in the Spirit'. I think that helps your mind dismiss the writer, so you don't dwell on it.

And remember if people were nasty in real life you'd totally discount their opinions- that's a valid response here too.

Glance over the replies and focus on the helpful, positive ones.

Hide AIBU. The Parenting and SN Chat boards are much more supportive.

Yes OP you are experiencing what I have heard described as modern day Pharisees - people who look for others to be wrong even if over little things, so they can point it out, often unpleasantly or downright rudely. By pointing out how others are wrong (in their eyes) they appear to be trying to be better than others but fail to see they too get things wrong and aren't perfect.

I would ignore their posts OP, I know it can be hard to read. Just remember they too aren't perfect.

I’d like to see some kind of swipe function for an OP to hide individual spiteful replies.

Also, I was interested in a thread yesterday about a challenging child, as I have a similar situation. But I didn’t dare say anything as some replies to the OP were absolutely vicious and I would have found it hard not to be drawn into argument and justifications. I had no pearls of wisdom to offer though, just an understanding sympathy.

Not enough people on MN seem to remember that scrolling on by is indeed an option. It's as if they're unable to just not comment.

It’s a different place to what it was 20 years ago when I joined. I rarely ask for advice these days. I change my user name often, about every month or so and tend to stick to chat, Tv, books, holidays and style and beauty.

I find it really strange on here at times. There's some really goady posts, there's a couple of threads in Relationships at the moment, one about attractiveness and one about double standards. On the attractiveness one there is definitely a man who is slut shaming any woman who has dared to have a sex life, on the other there is someone blaming men for a woman cheating.

What I do find funny are the Style and Beauty ones where someone posts a lovely dress/outfit and just wants shoes to go with it but they're told it's hideous and are recommended the most hideous unshapely monstrosities. It's like women don't want other women to look nice.

Been here for years under different names. Was lovely in the beginning. Not so much anymore.

I remember posting about a medical condition (turned out to be epilepsy) and I was absolutely ridiculed and told I was having panic attacks and to stop being dramatic 😅 Was quite smug when I got to come back and give the actual diagnosis. Only good thing about the bloody seizures!

I do think there's a lot of this too. It seems to have got a lot worse recently.

I have got involved in some arguments with those types but really I think it's best to ignore them and keep replying to the OP as if they don't exist. As you say it's less fun if they're not managing to rile us up. I also think some of them change their names multiple times on the same thread so they can back themselves up!

There's a type that love to be nasty for the sake of it. I'm thinking of the ones that pile on with a "I'd have done xyz" when xyz is something so ridiculous that no one would do it, they just say they would to goad the OP.

There is definitely a mob mentality on here. I wouldn’t start a thread on anything I actually cared about as I would be far too upset by the responses. There are certain topics that trigger more nastiness than others.

I’d NEVER come here for advice!