To be done with this forum..

I'm overweight but I'm also a regular gym goer(some weeks I do 6 days others 4) and ride my bike a lot. I'm probably more active than a lot of thin people who criticise fat people for being slobs and lazy so I ignore all the eat less move more, stop being lazy comments.

Nah, it's the opposite for me. I've started frequenting it more. Couldn't abide all the 'awwww, hunny, it's not your fault, you're the best!' shit, whether the OP is truly 'the best' or a fucking dimwit. Now at least there will be multiple posters who will come and tell them they're an idiot. And that's fantastic.

Even the 'he didn't wish you goodnight??!!! That's abuse!!! LTB!!!' are disappearing and some posters do point out that it's not ALWAYS the man's fault.

It's getting more normal here. The saccharine 'girl power' types are leaving for greener pastures.

I always wondered, does that really help? If the OP is a hapless dimwit/a shit parent/living with an abomination of a partner and saying 'but he's a fantastic dad', etc and is mollycoddled and pacified here, being told that 'nothing is her fault'; or is fat, but told, noooooo honey, size 22 is NOT fat, it's curvy/bit bigger/big-boned, I bet you have an amazing waist', etc. How exactly does that help anyone?

I haven’t RTHT but I feel the same.

I have using MN since my first dc was born 19 years ago and have had such wonderful advice over those years.. It used to be full of such lovely people. They are still here but seem to now be swamped under the hoards of nasty, mean-mouth shitheads who would more than likely never say the things they do on MN in RL. Absolute keyboard warriors who must have sad and lonely existences. I feel quite sorry for them, they are lost souls.

I contemplated leaving but just dip in and out these days and am very careful about what I post (because unlike you I am actually very sensitive and have been left broken at times by their words).

Such a shame as it really was a lovely site years ago.

I still find it a useful forum, but of course it is open to everyone in the world and so plenty of weirdos jump in - not to mention people training AI bots.

Best to totally ignore anything nasty and only engage with sensible sympathetic voices. If you can't ignore, then you will be a bit safer on a members-only forum for a particular issue or interest.

I’ve experienced the same when posting here OP so these days I keep it to a minimum.

When my DS was little (a long time ago - he’s 13 nowI used the baby whisperer forums and always found that to be a really supportive place.

No nastiness, everyone was helpful and extremely supportive. I made a couple of friends on there that I’ve kept in contact with over the years. Not sure what it’s like these days, just giving you my experience.

I got piled on once, a few years ago now, and it really upset me especially as it was a subject I had first hand experience of. So much so that I left for a few years then returned under a new name. I have had some minor insults since but it doesn’t affect me anymore as I know there can be some really unpleasant and spiteful people on forums.

Keep hold of the good or kind responses and discard the rest like trash.

OP mumsnet has always been that way. There must be some incredibly sad people who sit at home waiting for new threads to immediately jump on to and berate the initial poster. Just imagine how deeply unhappy they must be though. I find if you ignore the initial negative comments the more reasonable posters come later.

There are a lot of sanctimonious/priggish claptrap on here. See the post about the mum getting texts about her teens being late for lessons - people telling her to "do some parenting".

Yeah because teens always do exactly what their parents tell them. And all MNers do perfect "parenting", all the time.

It's best not to ask for advice yourself and just look for similar posts by other people!

Banning on that basis is a bad idea. If there really is a mob mentality and posters being led by the first few replies, it would be very easy to abuse a system like that.

I feel like this too.
I avoid starting my own thread as I feel like I am walking on egg shells.
Constructive difference of opinions I can deal with, but plain nastiness I can't.
It reminds me of high school bullying.

I get this impression as well. Some posters seem to visit here solely to find someone to pick apart. They should be challenged a lot more.

Out of interest do you know which men's website that was?

Yes and ban them if they go over a certain number. I'd like it if you could block people. So all their usernames are blocked too.

I think many posters are unaware that MNHQ deliberately post some of "our" threads to social media which brings in a lot of new posters who just think this is another platform for bunfights rather than a generally supportive one. A lot of threads end up in national newspapers which also draw in a different crowd. And then there was a call to arms on a male orientated website telling their members to come here and disrupt the women/website deliberately. This is before you get to the bored teenagers, or angry at the world posters or "outside agencies" paid to disrupt (no proof of course but they do seem to come for a particular board then stay around for a while in others).

Once you are aware of the above you will find it easier to ignore some of the obvious nastiness that gets posted. It's targeted to hurt or disrupt.

@Hardknocks , I have posted on a series of related threads using different usernames, and depending on the username I used had varying responses. Some warm and welcoming, others unpleasant (DMs etc).

There are some words or phrases that 'mean MNers' seem to pounce on.

I don't think that it is unhelpful as people marry for all sorts of reasons and hopefully it will stop them making the same mistakes again.

I just to moan about my ex to my workmate and they asked me why I was still with him if I disliked him so much. It really made me think.

Sometimes, life just becomes a habit.

Would be nice to have a “that’s uncalled for” button for us to click when someone posts something that really is uncalled for.

IMO you almost have to ignore the first 2 pages of replies until the more sensible posters come along and give decent, constructive advice.
I think there are posters who lurk, waiting for a thread to pop up just get a kick out of being awful and inflammatory and then often don't bother returning to the thread anyway. I have often wondered if some of these members are incel-types...🤔

Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way💐

Not sure if it has been mentioned as lots of comments to get through but I use an app called peanut for advice on my almost 2 year old and have done since she was born. Its a nice wee app for advice and you don't feel judged 99% of the time, of course there will always be the odd troll ! It's hard enough navigating motherhood without ridiculous comments and judgements from mothers themselves.

I always find the strangest is when people are pregnant and the op says keeping the baby and you get loads of replies saying “are you sure this is what you want “ “this environment is not right to raise a baby” especially if the women is older or skint I feel like it’s very judged and often the advice given is not the op asked for advice on. There is so much help out there domestic abuse charities benefits housing (I’m in temporary and have been 4 years so don’t say their is a shortage as I fully know. However the support should be advising these not just Ltb get an abortion bla bla bla

Totally agree OP. I'm new to mumsnet and the amount of Mary Poppins type (practically perfect in every way) astounds me!!! I'm mostly on the weightloss boards where every fat person is obviously a lazy slob shovelling cakes in their mouth!!!🙄The ones that don't read the post annoyed me the most! x

I know it is easy to say, but I just skip past the nasty comments as I know that they are just thick idiots.

Also, I feel sorry for them as they must have such miserable lives to be so nasty.

Just like in real life, you just need to ignore them and not let them get to you.

OP, it's the internet, and it's worth remembering that this forum also attracts its fair share of men and trolls. Not that they are necessarily connected. But some of the more vicious comments are clearly from trolls and as with anywhere, a post on Facebook or on Twitter, you just ignore them.

Yes I agree OP. I’ve been on this site and another similar since pregnant with my eldest 17 years ago! People are definitely more critical and seem to enjoy twisting the narrative just to attack the OP. You then have people who love jumping on the bandwagon. Many threads just get totally derailed as so many people are just looking to be antagonistic.
Sad reflection of our times 😔

Of course, you a right about everything ending up in AIBU but really it is possible to tell someone that they are being unreasonable without kicking them when they are down. Just because something is posted on that topic does not give people the right to say some of what they do. People can be unreasonable and you can disagree with them without acting like the mean girl gang from school.