To be done with this forum..

I posted here when I was pregnant and I was told that I was a gold digger and that my partner would leave me.

I also had so many reports I lost access to my profile.

It was a group of nasty women who all ganged up on me. I was told I was being a snob wanting to have my baby in a private hospital. I wanted private because mothers and babies die in the public hospitals in my city (they are very dangerous - midwives control the care not obstetricians).

I was told by someone who lived in my country that public hospitals are excellent and I’m being a snob. The person never even lived in my city.

My partner’s friends even told him that I had to go private.

It was so nasty and unnecessary. I was pregnant and told that he was going to leave me! Just awful behaviour.

Some of the posts are uncalled for. I saw a post replying to the OP this week that ended “some friend you are”. Why would you post that?

I suggested something on a thread recently and was slapped down by another poster. I think posters on here just like to big themselves up and try and make others look small. Those posters are twats.

I do think you may need to be more careful about what you post though if negative answers are going to upset and I say that with kindness. I didn’t see your other thread but hope you’re ok now.

The other sort of pile on I'm not a fan of is where the OP is in a disagreement of some sort but with nuance or shades of grey that's worth discussing but then get a load of "OMG your MIL is such a bitch" or "OMG your DH is such a twat".

I've seen some really nasty comments which while not addressed to the OP is still horrible. Do posters honestly think pages of people saying horrible things about a close family member or friend of the OP is actually helpful?

Mumsnet seemed to get really aggressive over Covid which polarised people and that tone has continued. The furore over VAT in private schools is one example. The hate filled language from both sides around class was/is shocking - you can’t offered a reasoned comment, it’s all vitriol.

I found it’s difficult to get a reasoned, nuanced debate on many topics and a lot of posters seem to lack comprehension. I always remember getting ripped apart for stating Trump was popular in certain states so could win. Apparently that fact meant I must be a fan 🤷🏻‍♀️

So@Hardknocks

Are you still worried about your toddler? I remember what that feels like. I have a son with autism.

I agree. I often don’t comment on threads because if I reply and someone disagrees,I would get a sarky reply and I am not thick skinned. If people only wrote what they would say in person on social media the world would be a kinder and safer place. Perhaps we should all intercede with a comment like shut up gobby cow to the nasties on mumsnet.

I totally agree OP - i have only posted once and felt the same - some down right nasty responses - I didn't get the support I was after - everything was my fault . it's a real shame

If you have the patience YouTube is littered with stuff like this

There was one bloke who posted a couple of serious sounding threads and posters gave well meaning advice and sent PMs. It was pure boredom.

Then there's tattle and Reddit who have some very strange people who like to troll, get banned and make a come back. Again, no life to speak out outside the internet it seems.

You just have to be alert and don't give too much of yourself I think.

I am sorry you have had this.
I used to post to ask for advice about DC. Now days this is the very last place I would ask. MN is fine to just chat. It is a terrible place for advice about your children.

Mumsnet seemed to get really aggressive over Covid which polarised people and that tone has continued. The furore over VAT in private schools is one example. The hate filled language from both sides around class was/is shocking - you can’t offered a reasoned comment, it’s all vitriol.

Is Mumsnet just a mirror for society when certain groups are othered by politicians and the media and the House of Commons is a bear pit? And this is magnified by the anonymity of the internet where no one has to take responsibility.

I’ve found good advice and support here and I refuse to engage if any one is nasty. My advice on social media - use it but don’t lose it.

Mumsnet has a lot of bullying I found out how nasty teachers can really be on here one night.

There’s such a huge mix of everything on MN. It totally depends what mix of posters first see the thread - that sets the tone.

Sometimes it is really punching down on the OP for no reason. You’ll read it and think “what on earth is going on? They’re only asking for advice.”

I will say, sometimes the OP is themselves very mean-spirited in the guise of looking for “advice”. Posts loads of mean, critical, completely identifiable information about a school mum (it’s almost always a school mum!) or their MIL/SIL, of DHs ex. Or sometimes god forbid their step child.

“But she’s so filthy and such a terrible parent, what should I do? Poor old me!” I do abhor those kind of posts, and I think it can be really unfair for the subject of the post, who is being posted about online without their consent. I think posters should be told when they’re behaving badly to someone in real life, especially if they’re posting on AIBU (because why else are they asking?).

I believe it was a Reddit subforum that a lot of basement dwellers were on so not technically a mens only website. Other people found out and posted about it on here shortly after a large influx of hate.

It is true. There was an organised attack from the outside with reports, screenshots, targeting advertiser's and an organised attack on the inside. I thought it would fizzle out because this is way back in 2017 (If I remember right,) there was a noticeable shift when that lady got smacked about at speakers corner. But who wants to troll a forum long term, like get a life! But it seems to be ongoing.

Women aren't allowed to gather.

Personally I'd suspend name changing for new accounts until they've been here a while. Or suspending name changing for everyone for a bit to get rid of the trolls.

Ive not been a mumsnet user for more than a few years, but I'd noticed some of what the OP refers to.

I've read some brilliant threads offering amazing advice to women (and sometimes men) who are in difficult circumstances and those posters drawing strength from the community around them. Whether they're in abusive relationships, stuggling with parenting, managing with the cost of living, got difficult bosses/work collegaues or caring for relatives- there's been some really uplifting threads. I remember one where someone was getting ready to leave a particularly abusive partner, moving out to a new home whilst the partner was working. I didnt offer any advice as there was nothing I could add to what was already being said- but my heart was in my mouth all day as I winged silent prayers to heaven that everyting would go ok.

However, when I see a contirbution that punches down on the poster, I think about who might be behind it? Who might be seeking to pull women down rather than lift them up? Who might have an axe to grind with Mumsnet and seek to destroy this community of fantastic vipers.

So when I read a post like the OP describes, I dont think ita another woman. I think its more likely to be someone like a memember of Fathers4Justice (probably still wearing a batman costume) and I give the post the amount of time/thought as I would that person in real life.

Dont let them destroy us.

I used to be a regular and very rarely come in here these days.
Nice to see that MN hasn´t changed much.

It used to be called a vipers´ nest.

There are always some nasty pps about, but sometimes people get answers that are more than simply support and hugs.
It can also be difficult to assess a situation without being there, or knowing the full picture.
Not knowing what you´re going through, OP, do keep an open mind, but hide threads if they are harming you more than helping.

It has definitely got worse in terms of people immediately being antagonistic and shooting people down. It's more like Twitter now where either people enjoy putting others down or they are actually trolls trying to stir up arguments and stop people feeling supported. It's very insidious and seems to have infiltrated most social media groups. Even my local Facebook page has three blokes who find it fun to say stupid and offensive things about every post and it is breaking down the group. Why do some people just want to break stuff and put others down? I think Mumsnet should have a report button for unnecessary unpleasantness!

Most threads now has SEN of some sort used for an excuse.
It's ridiculous.
Every thing seems to be abusive now.
He called me a name under his breath ABUSE.
I shouted at my child ABUSE.
Partner working 12 hours not doing enough LTB.
He pays £1000cm it's not enough he's ABUSIVE.
My child is not naughty he /she has SEN.
And one comment that comes up every thread get therapy FFS.
And don't get me started with the code talk.
It's like learning morse code DD dss stbxh Dex and so on.
If he cheated LTB if she cheated MN tells her to keep quiet.
Very two Faced on here.
Most of the threads are over exaggerated.
And some sound like a bunch of drama queens.
And when some don't get the replies they want they bring in the special word BUT I HAVE SEN ADHD DN or something else along the lines.

Posted too soon, I meant to say I agree with you I can usually spot a winder upper on forums and best ignored.Plain nasty ones need a comeback.

Please please change your name sooner rather than later,It’s making me want one soooooo much!😬🤭

It’s definitely worse - I think it’s time for MN to give us a block button or an ignore button so that we can just start hiding the nastiest of posters.

There’s often one or two posters on a thread who continue to berate the OP or get into an argument with another poster and post multiple awful things.

I know exactly how you feel.

AIBU is a cesspit of nasty people and comments

Although having said that I did just leave a nasty comment for that woman who complained about her nephews misshapen head

I've used Mumsnet on and off for about 20 years. I feel also like in the last couple of years there are more posters who name-call and are mean. I have posted under different names and on one thread, there were 2-3 ladies that were so insightful and helpful, but another 3-4 who were just like 'you're stupid, of course X is Y, anyone would know that', etc. And it does make you feel deflated and upset. I find it so hard to understand, because the hapless OP has come on here to get different perspectives from other parents, which is so useful! Instead a lot of posters not only give advice but also condemn, as if their way is the only way (opinion polarisation). Also I think there is the risk that more people feel like offloading their own rage and grump on to someone else in an anonymous way. How to solve, no idea except revamp the guidelines or do a funny training module on how to behave like a human being on online forums..