to think a 7yo should be able to use knife and fork

I agree with this, my dd16 had terrible table manners for ages but has learned how to eat
‘properly’ over the last few years due to peer pressure.
Most of the food they eat out of the house is eaten with chop sticks (Asian food) hands (pizza, chicken) or just a fork (pasta) so not much cause to use the traditional knife and fork combo.

Why would the school teach this...it's you that needs to teach this. Saying that I have a 7 year old too and we got the fork bit sorted but I'm struggling with her holding the knife too...says it heavy. She knows what to do. Work in progress still at my house!

This! ⬆️

School has enough to teach - this is most definitely not their job!!

if she is too tired in the evening what is she likes at the weekend?
she could be picking up bad habits at school

I work in a dinner hall and try to show the children how to use their cutlery properly when there’s time. Think of it as a work in progress rather than an age-related thing. I have reception children who can cut up most things ok, and seven year olds who still need a bit of help. They all learn at a different pace. My own child is a teen and struggles with a knife and fork, although she does try. However, we are awaiting a rheumatology appointment!

Sounds like great parenting 🙄

Using a fork is easy but learning to use a knife neatly is hard. And you are very late starting.

DC is left handed so I started very early and rode her hard over it but it has paid off. Other mothers have told me she has beautiful manners and I know it was her table manners they were talking about. But, OMG, when other kids start coming for dinner, you see what a lack of training in this leads to. Some teenagers have absolutely no idea and it looks awful and, occasionally, dangerous.

I know people (this thread included) say it doesn’t matter what hand you use for what but, around a crowded table, it really works to have everyone’s elbows doing the same thing. They seem to knit better or something.

Sorry but yes this is a basic life skill that you need to teach your child. At 7 she is more than old enough to use cutlery appropriately.

Every time you think it’s just too hard imagine her at her wedding stabbing food and not knowing proper manners.. if that doesn’t give you motivation than how about all the hard work she’ll put in for a good education just to be scuppered because she can’t attend a business lunch or dinner without embarrassing herself.

Seriously young people face all kinds of challenges when they grow up. Why would you want this to be one of them?

So yes this is firmly in the ‘you need to parent’ bucket.

If I had done that as a child of that age, my father would have removed my food and thrown it away and I wouldn't have been allowed anything else to eat until the next meal was served! That was how most of my peers were brought up in the '60s too.

Pretty much everyone learned how to use a knife and fork properly, how to tie shoelaces, how to do up cuff buttons and how to put on a tie by the age of six or seven. Many, myself included, learned these things before they started school.

Food is to be enjoyed, no matter how you go about it.

Practice on breakfasts to start with if you can

A couple of weeks of pancakes and fruit - ask her to cut the fruit and put it on the plates with the pancakes as her job. Fruit is soft and easy to cut, so not too frustrating. Then with weekends you make the sandwich, she cuts them down the middle for all of you. Try to get her involved in the food prep and then when eating remind her to use knife as hopefully she'll have gained some confidence.

Pancakes/fruit are the easiest to do

No worries what hands she holds the knife/fork in. Some people are right handed and eat left handed their whole lives - no issue really

My son (11)is like this- uses fork or hands. Well able to use knife and fork but no interest. Will use fork but very rarely knife. Sometimes uses hands (generally at the worst possible time eg my mum or mother in law about!!!

I think this is borne out of baby led weaning with finger food. All of mine have been weaned this way and tbh they would still rather use their hands than a knife and fork. They’re all fine now they’re older but my youngest who’s seven years old will only begrudgingly use a fork.

Anything that they can possibly eat with fingers, they’ll do so (including peas 😅)

As a tip: if you are going to practice at the weekend, don’t do it at meal time. Practice cutting on a ripe banana or something squishy, then you can show her how to hold the knife and fork, like a PP said, by standing behind here and steering her hands. Another skill to practice with a banana is spreading with a knife - try it on a crust or some toast so it’s quite robust. Good luck

The school doesn’t tech this.

When my daughter was starting Reception, we had a letter with things they should be able to do before starting, and this was one.

I’m guessing they no longer send those letters.

Try with adult cutlery at that age. So she's choosing not too and it's not a fine motor issue. I would explain that now the toddler ages are well gone the choice is also gone, she will have to eat in public at some point and sge will look like a toddler eating like that. Then introduce a reward for eating like a 7 year old. Model it though and show her how hand over hand to do it. Persistence, she's not too tired to pick up a knife at 7 she's choosing not to as it's not enforced in your house, you can change that.

And DP, but I think that's just him being fussy. He thinks it's more efficient to have your knife in your dominant hand, but I find it awkward.

I've just realised that DS, also left handed, uses his for in his dominant hand too. DD (right handed) uses them properly.

I eat with my cutlery in the wrong hands, as does my brother. He's left handed, though, so it looks like the "right" way.

I've literally never had anyone comment except my parents. Don't worry about it, OP.

No, schools don't generally teach kids how to do it.
But saying that - my mum was a dinner lady and table manners were her thing. She made it her mission to teach them all how to use a knife and fork properly and I am sure your DC won't be the only one who is struggling.
She failed with me - I still eat with my knife and fork the wrong way round. Weirdly so does DH.

Don't make a big thing out of it, she'll get there in the end. Same as potty training. She's not going to be like this as an adult.

What cutlery is she using? Is it too big, too small? Too heavy or not solid enough? Might be worth trying to find a more appealing little set of cutlery that will encourage her to use it.

This may be obvious...but have you actually taught them how? As in shown them how to hold it correctly, and then stand behind them with your hands over theirs and 'drive' the cutlery yourself to show and talk them through exactly how to choose an easy to cut end/corner, where to stab it with the fork and how to cut it off?

So many children are supposed to just pick it up by magic but it's a number of linked skills.

I looked after a boy, older than yours, who ate like a pig, fingers or the stab in the whole thing and take bites of it. Always being told off for this (not by me). One day I cracked and did the above and he got it in seconds. He then started crying and got quite angry about how easy it was and why had noone ever showed him this.

Me too. We can all use a knife and fork but we just use a fork to cut food too.
Life’s too short and it doesn’t matter really. Far more important things to be thinking about.

Maybe your dd can but won’t ?

My family is of Mediterranean roots and most of the food we eat is manageable by fork only.

I put it down to culture.

Well, can she physically not or does she just not want to?

I don't think it's a problem if she doesn't want to (as long as she can)

If she can't, I would take her to the GP and see about getting her hand strength/dexterity looked at.

How is her handwriting?

Meh, mine know but tend to use a fork 90% of the time. If in public and eating something that requires them they do so. But I find most the food we eat only requires a fork, stir fry, Risotto, couscous.