to think a 7yo should be able to use knife and fork

Also how is he with stuff like holding a pencil, co-ordination generally? Dyspraxia can cause difficulties with using a knife and fork (it's something we considered with my eldest but she doesn't fit that for anything else)

My 9yo can use them fine, my 13 yo can but just doesn't, it's ridiculous she uses just a fork in her right hand most of the time. 7 yo should be physically able to but is still quite young, just keep practicing and reminding (this is what we do with ours mind you she just isn't that bothered!). Do you have small cutlery sets? Like not baby ones just smaller than normal, maybe he's struggling because the cutlery feels big or heavy?

Just serve food that needs cutting.

Is it just me that doesn't recall ever actively teaching their dc to use a knife and fork? I find this thread weirdly fascinating as all the angst about teaching them to use cutlery I just don't identify with at all.

Elder two dc are 16 and 14. They both use cutlery correctly (when needed). I have absolutely zero recollection of when or how this ocurred 😂

Youngest is 7. Uses a fork for every meal but most often in a 'scooping' manner with his right hand. He'll use his knife and fork correctly to cut things but still struggles with a big lump of meat like a chop or chicken breast - so usually we cut his into strips when plating up so he just needs to cut the strips into bite size chunks before eating. We do the same at restaurants if needed and I assume this will naturally stop at some time (as it clearly has with 14 and 16 year olds although I have no memory of when!).

We eat out plenty, in some pub-grub and some higher end places and have always been complemented on the dc's table manners (but I think this goes far beyond just holding a knife and fork correctly).

I've done my fair share of parenting but coming across a thread like this and feeling like you've missed some essential/huge part of teaching your dc something is a very odd feeling! I just don't feel like it's ever been on my radar.

This. We bought a special set of children's cutlery for our granddaughter, for when she ate with us. It's good quality stainless steel, with a pattern on the handles. She found it easier to manipulate than an adult version.

I can't. Why is that sad? Why is that depressing? I probably have more qualifications than you

@BagFullOfNoodles One of my adult sons chooses to use dessert cutlery when visiting.

It's slightly smaller/lighter than the normal cutlery but the knife seems to be almost as sharp.

Mine is nearly 9 and would still rather just use a fork at home but uses cutlery properly when we are out 🙄 can you offer opportunities to develop knife skills by helping chop veg etc for meals?
Also really like the chocolate chopping game above, might play that myself!

@PaintedPottery I was diagnosed at 26 so I can probably offer a few hints and tips.

@BagFullOfNoodles these look quite good, but they are not cheap.

https://nanasmanners.com/products/childrens-cutlery?variant=41361247666242

Can she use a knife properly? My DS was the same for years at home, but he was OK when we went out. In fact, he had impeccable manners in restaurants or in other people's houses, and twice we were complimented by complete strangers on how polite he was. Just not so at home.

I would suggest a meal out as a treat, but make sure she knows beforehand that she needs to show you how nicely she can eat, and then you will arrange it.

If you are happy she CAN use cutlery properly when required, then encourage her to do it more at home, but it's not a hill to die on, as they say.

Our DC is dyspraxic and we had some private OT to help with hand strength. He started this OT at 6, using a knife properly was one of the most difficult and slow things. At 7, fork work and holding the food still for cutting was good but actual cutting messy.

Do you eat meat? Then surely it needs cutting! My dc used cutlery from 3, as soon as they had the dexterity to push and saw the sausage (started easy)

It isn't the schools job to teach this

Having EDS tends to run in families. So I didn't demand that they also struggled in pain in the way I was made to do.

So depressing that people are still so oblivious to disabilities that they assume it's always a form of neglect to adapt for something that's utterly inconsequential for anybody else.

I’m not going to read the other replies because I know they’ll make me miserable.

DS is almost 6 and nowhere near competent with cutlery. I’m pretty sure he is dyspraxic (he’s waiting for an autism assessment and displays ADHD behaviours so another neurodivergence isn’t unlikely 😂). Not saying your daughter is, but she might be struggling for any number of reasons.

I have two choices with DS. I can either sit at the table and make life miserable for him at every meal by nagging (he already struggles with food) or I can give him cutlery, gently remind him to use it, and help when he’s struggling. I remember being in his position and being criticised and nagged. It feels shit. I try to encourage activities to develop fine motor skills and dexterity (play dough, games with small pieces, using tongs/tweezers to pick things up etc.) and assume he’ll get it when he’s developmentally ready.

I can eat perfectly well with cutlery now, and I have every faith your DD and my DS will when they are ready.

Thanks for this - never even thought about anything like that! V useful!

I would be fairly relaxed about this… always give them a knife and fork and ask them to use it but ultimately don’t make it as not a battle. my 9 and 6 year old sound about the same as yours. But whenever w have play dates I’m always impressed by their friends table manners and comment so to their parents. Most parents reply with ‘what they actually used cutlery’. I think it something that most kids can do but as you say they’ve had a long day and are tired.

Do they teach them at school?
No, that’s one of those things parents are supposed to do.
But no doubt it’ll pop upon the curriculum.

Does anyone know where you can get child sized knives that can cut food properly? DS is 5 generally good at using knife and fork in the correct hands, slipped a bit when he started school because he saw peers picking things up with fingers, stabbing things and eating like a lollypop. We've corrected him and he can do it, as an aside DH didn't routinely use his cutlery in the proper way until we had ds and I was teaching him (not my place to correct an adult's cutlery use so hadn't said anything to dh) so I think a lot of children are but shown .

The challenge we have now is a lot of children's cutlery is really blunt, his hands are too small for an adult knife but the ones he has are not sharp enough to effectively cut eg a griddled chicken breast or a piece of steak/meat.
We've tried the various supermarket ones and have landed on the metal IKEA ones as he prefers no plastic handle and they are just small metal cutlery, but the knife isn't sharp enough

It really doesn't matter. I've been alive 37 years and have never bumped elbows with anyone.

You wouldn't force someone to change what hand they write with and you could use the same 'elbow' argument there so why is cutlery any different?

It's a parents' job.

My kids don't use a knife and fork but I don't really understand why they would need to. Surely if they can eat the meal fine without a knife then they didn't need it? I don't really think to give them a knife when I plate up. We all use fork/spoon/hands depending on the food but I can't think of what the knife is for.

Have you tried some easy to use cutlery? Link to the medical type stuff but cheap cutlery that is hollow (if metal) and quite widecan make life so much easier. Or ones with a plastic handle that were common in the 1980s - you might get some in a charity shop.

https://www.careco.co.uk/living-aids/kitchen-aids/cutlery/

OP

My brother went to a children's party at about 11. A group of kids with an oversized home made die, a selection of dressing up clothes and a knife and fork were on the side with a large bar of chocolate.

If someone rolled a six then they had to put on the clothes and cut a piece of chocolate to eat. But the others carried on rolling the die. so if someone rolled a six you didn't get your chocolate.

It might be worth creating a version of this, as someone else suggested fruit could be used.

Or if you don't mind a bit of mess fruit and a chocolate dip / sauce but the fruit has to be on the fork and in your left hand.

Also as PP have said, have you actually shown her how to use a knife and fork.

No this isn’t taught at school, not state schools anyway. I remember my headmaster in primary always used to come over and switch my knife and fork to the other hand as I hold them incorrectly as that’s how my parents taught me as they also hold the knife in the incorrect hand. My kids have struggled a bit with cutting over the years, but eventually got the hang of it, but I see my daughter cutting meat and it still looks a bit wrong. I probably should have corrected her more but she’s had issues with food at times so I didn’t want to comment on anything to do with eating / food

Playdoh. Its good for all sorts of motor skills.

Not the schools job. This should be taught at 2 and 3.