to think a 7yo should be able to use knife and fork

haveatye · 2024-06-13T19:16:03+00:00

We try, but she refuses. Usually tired at dinner and a strop ensues if we try to insist. Any tips? Do they teach them about it at school? I think seven is old enough to do this!

sashh · 17/06/2024 04:38

BashfulClam · 15/06/2024 09:41

I am right handed. For spreading I would also use my dominant hand for control.

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I find it fascinating that people who use the knife in their non dominant hand when using a fork don't when using just a knife.

@Timeturnerplease

I was once in conversation with a young woman who didn't know how to use a knife and fork, the first time she had used them was after she got her first job when she was taken for lunch.

Her parents were Pakistani and at home she eat with her hands. At school she had packed lunches and she must not have eaten out other than asian restaurants.

Maybe we should be teaching children how to use cutlery, their hands and chopsticks politely.

TeamPolin · 15/06/2024 15:01

Does she struggle with fine motor stuff generally? How is she with a pen or pencil? Wondering if there are issues with dyspraxia etc?

Dweetfidilove · 15/06/2024 11:20

Timeturnerplease · 15/06/2024 07:53

Our school does. Sadly I think culture has changed; we get a few children in reception every year who want to know where the iPad is for eating lunch in front of, and who eat spag bol etc with their fingers.

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Oh no! What are we doing? 🤦🏾‍♀️

aerkfjherf · 15/06/2024 11:16

PuttingDownRoots · 15/06/2024 11:01

She describes it "when I have to concentrate hard, like in English, its easier with the right hand. When its stuff like maths, its easier with left". Shes also dyslexic so spelling is hard work

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do you think she is ambidextrous because she is dyslexic? or dyslexic because she is ambidextrous. I think being ambidextrous is what caused my dyslexia.

PuttingDownRoots · 15/06/2024 11:01

aerkfjherf · 15/06/2024 10:56

I am ambidextrous - does your daughter have one hand that spells better than the other?

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She describes it "when I have to concentrate hard, like in English, its easier with the right hand. When its stuff like maths, its easier with left". Shes also dyslexic so spelling is hard work

aerkfjherf · 15/06/2024 10:56

PuttingDownRoots · 15/06/2024 10:53

Slightly O/T with the "which hand do you use" conversation. DD is ambidextrous. The hand choice for various tasks can be quite fascinating. She eats with cutlery in the right handed way, but will spread butter with either hand. (She writes with both hands, depending on the subject!)

I am ambidextrous - does your daughter have one hand that spells better than the other?

PuttingDownRoots · 15/06/2024 10:53

Slightly O/T with the "which hand do you use" conversation. DD is ambidextrous. The hand choice for various tasks can be quite fascinating. She eats with cutlery in the right handed way, but will spread butter with either hand. (She writes with both hands, depending on the subject!)

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 15/06/2024 09:58

@Timeturnerplease That's sad.

BashfulClam · 15/06/2024 09:41

sashh · 15/06/2024 02:08

Just out of interest, and I am assuming you are right handed. If you are buttering a slice of bread which hand do you use?

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I am right handed. For spreading I would also use my dominant hand for control.

Timeturnerplease · 15/06/2024 07:53

Dweetfidilove · 13/06/2024 22:43

The school doesn’t tech this.

When my daughter was starting Reception, we had a letter with things they should be able to do before starting, and this was one.

I’m guessing they no longer send those letters.

Our school does. Sadly I think culture has changed; we get a few children in reception every year who want to know where the iPad is for eating lunch in front of, and who eat spag bol etc with their fingers.

Mumofoneandone · 15/06/2024 04:57

Have an 8 and 6 year old and yes a battle to get them to use cutlery properly at meal times. The younger particularly struggles with logistics of the whole thing and rather uses fingers to push food onto fork rather than spoon or knife.
Hopefully will improve with time, especially as children are generally eating at table and around adults using cutlery generally correctly!
Don't think school help in the sense of poor table manners won't be challenged!

Bobloblaw84 · 15/06/2024 04:19

haveatye · 13/06/2024 21:52

Thanks everyone (slightly smaller thanks to the people who just wanted to take a crack at my parenting!)

She's absolutely fine with motor control and writing etc. She has always been given a childsized knife and fork at mealtimes. However she only uses the fork. Will occasionally use the knife but insists on holding it the wrong way and in the wrong hand. Her 5yo brother won't use the knife either.

We eat together and DH and I use knife and fork properly. I assumed she'd copy us at some point, but she hasn't. We don't need knives at breakfast, she has lunch at school on weekdays, and at dinner she seems too tired to be receptive to learning about it.

I'll try a reward chart. I was curious if they touch on it at school rather than expecting them to do the job for me.

They don't eat with their hands, always use a fork but won't go for a knife. Was just wondering if anyone had tips.

If it’s a kids knife it might not be sharp enough and it would frustrate her. I would try a proper knife and see if that helps.

sashh · 15/06/2024 02:08

BashfulClam · 14/06/2024 14:55

I hold my cutlery in the ‘wrong hands’ but I think my dominant hand should be controlling the scran scoop. Only a few people have ever commented and they were people I had already labelled as arseholes anyway. Once was at a team lunch and I just said ‘well sue if you want it to not land in your lap this is the safest manner!’

Just out of interest, and I am assuming you are right handed. If you are buttering a slice of bread which hand do you use?

Nat6999 · 15/06/2024 01:02

It took my ds until he was 14 to be able to use a knife & fork properly, he has hypotonia & dyspraxia & still uses hickies or elastic laces in shoes at 20.

MummaMummaJumma · 14/06/2024 23:07

haveatye · 14/06/2024 18:51

I think your way is how they do it in the US, isn't it? They're taught it's rude to eat with a knife in your hand, you cut then put it down and eat with your fork. Watch out for it on telly!

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Perhaps. However, I was not raised in the US, ‘my way’ was purely instinctual. Some individuals, regardless of culture, find swapping a more comfortable way of feeding themselves.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 14/06/2024 20:39

Try blue tac! Place on the knife in at the places the fingers should rest and tell the child the blue tac is to 'stick' the knife to their hand.

Dibble135 · 14/06/2024 19:41

I’m right handed but use knife in my left. Always have. Didn’t realise that wasn’t the norm until I started going to restaurants where the cutlery was pre set 🤷🏻‍♀️

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 14/06/2024 19:20

TitusMoan · 13/06/2024 20:33

Is this a joke? Does she only eat finger food? You’re about four years late as well. How is she ever going to eat a roast dinner with gravy, for instance? Come on, do your parenting job properly 🙄

Nice n helpful, typical perfect mn parent

Mountainpika · 14/06/2024 19:11

Why should the knife and fork be used in specific hands? Can't see it matters in the least - it's just a convention. As long as they're used neatly and effectively, why fuss about it?

Original poster

haveatye · 14/06/2024 18:51

MummaMummaJumma · 14/06/2024 15:42

Similar for me. However, I cut my food and then swap over my cutlery. My family hated that I ate like this and shamed me no end. I still do it now.

Teach by all means but don’t allow this thread to stress you out and make you feel like a shit parent because your child doesn’t always use a knife. My family tried every meal time but my way felt more comfortable.

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I think your way is how they do it in the US, isn't it? They're taught it's rude to eat with a knife in your hand, you cut then put it down and eat with your fork. Watch out for it on telly!

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MummaMummaJumma · 14/06/2024 15:42

Everydayimhuffling · 13/06/2024 22:20

I eat with my cutlery in the wrong hands, as does my brother. He's left handed, though, so it looks like the "right" way.

I've literally never had anyone comment except my parents. Don't worry about it, OP.

Similar for me. However, I cut my food and then swap over my cutlery. My family hated that I ate like this and shamed me no end. I still do it now.

Teach by all means but don’t allow this thread to stress you out and make you feel like a shit parent because your child doesn’t always use a knife. My family tried every meal time but my way felt more comfortable.

DaisyChain505 · 14/06/2024 15:35

As a nanny of other 20 years it is shocking the list of things parent refuse to teach their children and expect school to do so.

These are skills that should have been taught and corrected when she was a toddler. All the children I have cared for needed correction of how to old cutlery properly and how to scrape food on to a fork with a knife etc but it’s a lesson of patience and continued correction.

You’ve massively missed the boat on this one.

Original poster

haveatye · 14/06/2024 15:30

It does always amaze me how many threads on Mumsnet are like this:
Op - here's a parenting challenge I have, any tips?
Mumsnet unhelpfuls: you should have sorted that out by now
Op: I'm trying to
Mumsnet unhelpfuls: just parent

Seems like a waste of everyone's time! Thanks for the tips, helpfuls :)

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Original poster

haveatye · 14/06/2024 15:28

To clarify - she can peel potatoes, use sharp knife to cut up fruit and veg, etc. She is more than able to use knife and fork if she chose, but she's reluctant and every meal I try to insist she does results in a big kerfuffle.

I'm happy to go through a big kerfuffle if that's what it takes, I was just looking for tips other people had to incentivise rather than compel.

And again - I'm not looking for school to do my job for me. I know they show kids how to pour water etc, I wondered if knives came into it at all.

I'm going to come up with some kind of reward system, I think.

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Original poster

haveatye · 14/06/2024 15:25

aerkfjherf · 14/06/2024 14:22

exactly, there isn't a right way or a right hand, some people on this thread seem to be attempting to impose victorian deportment values

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She uses right hand for writing. So struggles to use knife in her left as it should be in stronger hand.

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