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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if you can no longer afford school fees...

658 replies

TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 19:54

that is tough.

OP posts:
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Hatfullofwillow · 13/06/2024 21:24

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/06/2024 21:21

They are exempt with an EHCP as someone pointed out earlier.

Not all kids with SEN have an ECHP though, or kids with other behavioral/emotional needs.

BIWI · 13/06/2024 21:23

dunkdemunder · 13/06/2024 21:22

So if your state schools are excellent, why do you care that other people chose to spend shed loads of their money sending their dc to private? I would have thought you'd be pleased fewer dc in your school

Because I don't agree with people trying to buy privilege. Is that so hard to understand?

dunkdemunder · 13/06/2024 21:23

Teentaxidriver · 13/06/2024 20:04

Yes, cry me a river. We’ll be saving £30k a year and the money will go on foreign holidays, saving for university costs/ future housing for the DC, tutoring, cultural enrichment, riding lessons, tennis lessons, music lessons, etc. DS moving to a leafy state grammar from his leafy prep. Best bit - you lot fund it.

This is what I don't think people have realised

ll09sm · 13/06/2024 21:23

This reply has been deleted

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Aladdinzane · 13/06/2024 21:23

@Wideskye

"Personally I'd prefer a wealth tax to fund education, "

Tax wealth, get the same reaction.

Tax higher income earners slightly more? Get the same reaction.

Put a VAT on private education which is only used by 7% of parents, who are in the vast majoirty the wealthy and high earners? Get the same reaction.

Propose deficit spending. Fiscally irresponsible, will bankrupt the country, scaremongering stories.

Where do we go from here?

MojoJojo71 · 13/06/2024 21:22

The nastiness around this subject is getting really bad. These are children you are talking about. Children with families who have made decisions based on circumstances that have changed out with their control.

DD’s dad and I decided together to send her to a small local independent school. It’s not ‘posh’, it doesn’t have fancy facilities but it does have small classes and a lovely family atmosphere. It reminds me of my primary school 40 odd years ago. We paid the fees 50/50. A year ago he injured his leg and couldn’t work so couldn’t afford his half of the fees. I took a second weekend job as I thought this would be a temporary measure. Recently I discovered that he now has severe liver cirrhosis and may die. So now if I can’t find the extra 20% I am going to have to tell my DD that at the worst time of her life when she may lose her dad she’s also going to lose her school and all her friends.

This is the final straw on top of static wages , increased cost of living and her dad’s illness. It couldn’t come at a worse time for me. People like you are dancing around in glee. But never mind, fuck her she’ll be fine right?

dunkdemunder · 13/06/2024 21:22

BIWI · 13/06/2024 19:57

State schools where I live are actually very, very good. So I have no sympathy with any parent who thinks that their child is going to suffer from having to go to one.

(SEN provision is obviously a different kettle of fish)

So if your state schools are excellent, why do you care that other people chose to spend shed loads of their money sending their dc to private? I would have thought you'd be pleased fewer dc in your school

TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:22

That'd be me... the child-catcher with envy...

OP posts:
TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:21

We haven't had single-sex in decades.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 13/06/2024 21:21

mamaison · 13/06/2024 21:16

This is blithely ableist. Plenty of us with children who have SEN are scraping by because our children would not have their needs met in mainstream.

‘Children are resilient. Life changes’- are you really that ignorant about SEN? To not be aware that minor changes are an a huge issue for some children?

They are exempt with an EHCP as someone pointed out earlier.

Aladdinzane · 13/06/2024 21:21

"Some parents only need private schools for a few years as their child has anxiety issues, Sen issues, whatever."

Then they'll pay significantly less than most and can prepare for it?

"You are truly hateful"

I've said nothing that was hateful, I asked a genuine question.

It appears that every PE parent here lives far from a good school and the local ones are cesspits with regular murders. Yet they can afford upwards of 18k per child each year for high school.

Nothing hateful about the question.

Maybe you know you are not defending your cause well and have to play the victim?

Now see, that was mean.

:)

Wideskye · 13/06/2024 21:21

EwwSprouts · 13/06/2024 20:08

So you are in an area of wealth and aspiration? DS has left school now but we live in an area of fairly dire state secondaries, requiring improvement. We also didn't want single sex which was our catchment.

OP is right it is tough. But you can still sympathise with the children who will likely have their education disrupted. Different exam boards for example.

Good point about examine boards.
I have never understood why England doesn't have one exam board.
Having taught several boards over the years it doesn't make sense .
Lacks standardisation. In the past we have swapped boards depending on the cohort.usually pretty obvious by year 8.
Nothing to do with this thread, just a pet peeve of mine.

Hatfullofwillow · 13/06/2024 21:21

If we had a state system with the resources & variety to support kids with SEN or those that would benefit from a different setting, then I'd agree. In fact I'd Nationalise them. But we don't.

Personally I'd prefer a wealth tax to fund education, health and public services and actually start to level up.

Angrymum22 · 13/06/2024 21:20

There have been numerous threads re PE and we are confidently assured that due to the falling birth rate that there are plenty of places available.
Have state parents considered the longterm implication of falling birth rates. Eventually school rolls will reach a critical level where it is no longer financially viable to keep every school open. Maybe you should consider how the closure of your local school due to lack of numbers will impact your children.
For LEAs the numbers will not be as low as you assume. School funding is per pupil not based on the size of the school so trying to run a school at 3/4 full with a budget of 3/4 will not be very attractive and is not effective use of the education budget.

If there are 4 schools in a town all working at 3/4 capacity then it makes sen e to close one school and distribute the pupils and teaching staff amongst the remaining schools.

We have already seen four small primary schools close in our small town and pupils moved to the remaining two schools. Much cheaper for the LEA to maintain two sites than 6.
I suspect that this is probably the long term plan throughout the state system.
Regardless of whether you agree with PE the future of many schools is on the line with falling birth rate.

TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:20

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition...

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TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:19

@OohCookedPerfectly that is upsetting.

OP posts:
therejustbarely · 13/06/2024 21:19

If a 20% increase means it's completely unaffordable, it was probably unwise to commit to it.

Topofthemountain · 13/06/2024 21:19

BotDranning · 13/06/2024 20:45

What a nasty nasty post.

I have friends who have decided to only have one child and worked their arses off to pay to send their child to private school. He is in year 12 and will have to leave due to this tax. They made a sensible decisions.

Of course they could have sat on their backsides, produced loads of kids they can't afford and claim benefits.....
Which is better 🤔?

That seems an incredibly knee jerk reaction on something that isn't yet known how it is going to be implemented.

This has been mooted for years, an election was always going to happen this year, so this should have come as no surprise to them and they should have perhaps made the decision to pull him out for A'levels. It is one year, for 20%, surely after paying for all the other previous years you'd do anything to keep him there.

This either isn't true or this is not the reason they are thinking of pulling him out.

TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:19

that's a shame re ehcp.

OP posts:
OohCookedPerfectly · 13/06/2024 21:18

My DC's best friend is a very bright girl with very high functioning autism. Her needs are, apparently, not extreme enough to get an EHCP. She cannot function or cope in a mainstream school, her anxiety is too great. She started mainstream but she had school refusal and the only way they could manage to get her back in the education system was to send her to a small independent as this is the only environment she can cope in.

Should it be this way with state schools? No. Should they have better funding and provision for SEN? Absolutely. Is it going to change anytime soon? No.

It's looking likely with the VAT added to fees she will need to be pulled out of her current school. So it means she's likely to miss out on an education as she will not cope in mainstream.

Why should she be penalised?

elastamum · 13/06/2024 21:18

There is no carve out for EHCP agreed and it would be difficult to implement one as you can't have a service that you charge vat on for some people and not others. That is discriminatory and will no doubt be challenged. It's really not straightforward.

TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:17

Can you not use their DLA to pay for the additional fifth?

OP posts:
Bunnyasmyname · 13/06/2024 21:17

Aladdinzane · 13/06/2024 21:12

"Unlike you OP, not everyone lives in a place with excellent state schools, can afford £400k or where there little demand for the super duper cheap social housing etc."

Where do you live that spending 108k in 6 years on high school won't get you a mortgage for a house that's around 400k?

Some parents only need private schools for a few years as their child has anxiety issues, Sen issues, whatever.

As has been said, it is these most needed places that will suffer the most as will the kids in them whilst nasty bitches like you smile at their misfortune.

You truly are hateful.

mamaison · 13/06/2024 21:16

TiredMumE · 13/06/2024 21:08

I'm not dancing with joy over the policy. Children are resilient. Life changes. They will make new friends.

This is blithely ableist. Plenty of us with children who have SEN are scraping by because our children would not have their needs met in mainstream.

‘Children are resilient. Life changes’- are you really that ignorant about SEN? To not be aware that minor changes are an a huge issue for some children?

BloodyAdultDC · 13/06/2024 21:16

My dsis has only ever taught in private schools and has bemoaned state education for the best part of 2 decades. Currently having to relocate due to divorce and her DC will no longer be in private school - the utter disdain she is giving out about the grim-ness of her situation is palpable - God help her DC who will now be going to the same state secondary as mine. It's sickening.