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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selfish Sibling?

84 replies

CoralTiger · 13/06/2024 14:14

Just putting this out there because I'm genuinely interested in the views of others. At present I have an elderly parent who is in and out of hospital/A and E for a number of reasons. I attend the bulk of the appointments because I live nearby to elderly parent. I have always done this. However, due to my own health needs I'm now asking my siblings for help and support. One in particular is being very difficult and makes various excuses as to why they can't help. I'm at my wits end and exhausted.

OP posts:
LordSnot · 13/06/2024 18:07

YABU. You can't decide how much caring other people should do unless it's paid help.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 13/06/2024 18:00

45 minutes on the train is quite a lot tbh. Unlike a car, you have to check what times it is. Which can mean getting somewhere half an hour before you need to/needing to leave early. You have to be aware of last trains etc

I know how hard it is to feel all the care responsibilities fall on you but you can't make them help and their "excuses" might be perfectly valid reasons

LemonCitron · 13/06/2024 17:56

It would be nice if siblings shared this out between them, but unfortunately it doesn't always happen that way. Maybe if they have a different elderly parent living with them, they feel they're already doing their fair share?

Ponoka7 · 13/06/2024 17:50

Is your elderly parent unable to go to appointments by themselves? How much visiting do they expect?

Original poster
CoralTiger · 13/06/2024 17:48

The family are teenagers now, and live a 45 minute train journey away. They have a father who lives with them.

OP posts:
ShowerOfShites · 13/06/2024 15:18

How far away do the others live and do they have young families?

Serenity45 · 13/06/2024 15:15

Snugglemonkey · 13/06/2024 14:51

You cannot make anyone take on caring responsibilities. You can just make decisions on what you are prepared to do yourself.

This. While in lots of families everyone mucks in, this isn't always the dynamic. As adults your sibling has the right to make their own decisions about what they feel they are able to do, even if it's nothing. You as an adult can make the same decisions for yourself.

If you need to step back, is it possible to look into help from either paid carers / get a needs assessment via adult social care / see what support might be available from sources like local Age UK / Royal Voluntary Service / good neighbours schemes?

Snugglemonkey · 13/06/2024 14:51

You cannot make anyone take on caring responsibilities. You can just make decisions on what you are prepared to do yourself.

poolemoney · 13/06/2024 14:19

YANBU. Ideally everyone does their fair share. Do they have a good relationship with parent?