I read his messages

No. Saying he loves you is just how he talks to someone he wants to sleep with.

Im sorry oP but he’s just not worth the hassle.

It sounds like you have invested in a fantasy, sorry OP.
He's done the love bombing and you are shell shocked for the moment.
It seems like you are in shock, stunned!

It's good to see reality even though it's painful - his covert 'theatre of war' is paper thin now and you cannot unsee it any more.
It's going to get worse if you try and fight the cognitive dissonance, so get out as soon as you can to avoid more pain.

He's just not worth any more of your time.
Well done for checking him out!

That is not 'just how men talk to their mates' and I can't believe so many think that's ok. If you've been around men who do that then you're hanging around with the wrong men. Only men/boys I've ever heard speak about their partners in that way are the cheating type, want everyone to know they're available.

Someone who disrespects you behind your back does not love you.

I agree with PP who said see him but don't have sex with him. I mean, I don't think you should see him again at all, but if you really believe he cares about you and is simply a weak coward who needs validation from his friends (no idea how that is attractive and his friends sound equally as awful if they're impressed by that), make plans which do not involve sex and see what his actions are then.

I don't mean to sound harsh as you come across as having low self esteem...you just deserve better. You already didn't trust him to snoop and you'll never trust him now.

No. He's a misogynist and using you.

Of course he's sweet and tells you he loves you. Otherwise you wouldnt shag him.

If you want to see him, see him. Just don't shag him. THEN you'll find out if he loves you or likes a lay he doesn't have to work for.

If he loves you he'll accept friendship without benefits. Wear your ugly grey undies, the ones you wouldn't be seen dead in but are comfy.

You now know how he truly feels.

It’s up to you if you are happy with that or not.

If you confront him then he’ll just say all of the things that you want to hear, like he has been doing.
So that he can continue to have sex with you, until he can find someone else.

You're already trying to convince yourself that he didn't mean what he said to his friend - he's either lying to him or to you so either way you know he's not honest. You don't have to admit to snooping, you can gather your self respect and dump him. You deserve better.

Arrogance and machismo.

He's obviously nice to your face. Otherwise the sex would end.

I couldn't look at him again knowing how he spoke about me to his mates. He certainly would never see me naked again.

Come on stop making excuses for him he was going to dump you until sec was on the table. And now he’s telling his mate you are just FWB. He’s biding his time as soon as he meets someone else he will be gone or he will be having sex with someone else behind your back. Get a backbone and dump him you are so much better than this looser

Why is he a cheating pig? Yes he’s not acted great here but that doesn’t make him a cheat

You were not in the wrong!
You acted on a hunch that your trust was misplaced - and you were absolutely right to do so!

Just tell him it's over..... no need to explain yourself.

You don’t know what to do????

How is, I’ve not ended it yet, but we are just fwb make you more than you are?

You say "he's never cheated" - but it sounds like he has?
He sees you as a FWB and has slept with other people when you thought you were in a monogamous relationship.
Yes some men talk like that to their mates when it's all a load of bollocks. But it doesn't sound like you like that or appreciate that - and it's a shitty thing to do even if it is just bravado.
I am not usually one to jump to "leave the bastard" - but LTB.

Tell him you see him as more of a FWB and not a long term, serious prospect.

It honestly sounds like you will stay with him no matter what people say on here....you're already looking for excuses for him - no most men don't talk like that with their mates, he clearly sees you as a fwb, no more.
Up to you if you are happy with that arrangement of course but don't be thinking it is any more than that.

They always can find the time. Early start at work, late finish, sneaking off in the day. Don't give yourself false reassurance. Even if he is trying to be one of the lads aren't you repulsed by his sheep behaviour and immaturity?

Many men say stuff that is contrary to the reality, especially with their mates. Many people do. People like to seem more than they are to an audience.

Have a proper adult discussion about where you both are and what you both intend. It's not rocket science

Excellently articulated 👍

How old are you both? If very young it is possible he is putting on a front to a single shitty mate, and its not how he actually feels. Very immature however, teenage behaviour at best. Id probably confront him and see what he does, if he grovels admits it, apologises, is open and proud to be with you at all times moving forward. But, if he turns it around and gets angry that you looked (angry he got caught) then its over. Power move is to just dump him with no explanation though.

Raise your standards.

It’s clearly not the rosey pic you’re presenting though. You say ups and downs, you obvs split at some point. You’re going through his messages, so clearly it is not the rosey relationship you’re making out it is.

He's never cheated

Is that how low your bar is?

Do you really want to have a relationship with some weak little worm who says humiliating things about you to impress his horrible mates? He's a grovelling prick who sucks up to the school bully. He clearly aspires to be like his revolting mate, so why would you want to be with a man like that?

You've already had 'ups and downs' and have split at least once, it seems, so have some bloody dignity and end it rather than wasting your time on this absolute tragedy of a man.

I’m going well against the grain here - some men do talk like this to their mates.
I have lots of close guy friends and participated in mostly guy friend groups.
I’ve known men who were utterly disparaging about the relationship behind the girl’s back - it’s not serious , just a f buddy yadayada - and have gone on to marry said girl- clearly in love and devoted. Some men have low self esteem , want to look like a stallion , and don’t want to acknowledge their feelings to others.

Having said that it’s still horrible and disrespectful that he is talking about you like that and I’m not sure I could move past it once I knew.

You were totally unreasonable to read his messages; a violation of his privacy and you were bound to find something you didn’t like.

At the end of the day what matters is how this man treats you. How he talks to his friends may be an indicator of his broader character but it’s not necessarily got anything to do with how he feels about you.