DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

If I'd received the second "do you want anything?" message, I would've then assumed you were on your way home, with a takeaway pizza.
If you then messaged me again an hour and a half later, saying you were on your way back, with a pizza that needed cooking, I'm afraid to say I'd be pissed off.
Maybe this is why I'm single 🤔😂

Those timings don't tally up. You said you initially messaged at 5pm – then an hour later (6pm), then messaged again an hour and a half after that (7:30), saying you were on your way – why were you then home at 8:30 – another hour longer?

On the face of it, you weren't clear with what time you were actually leaving and arriving home, which is just courteous to your spouse. I would also be irritated with drip-feeding messages that went on for 3.5 hrs.

There’s fault on both sides here I think (but mainly on your dh’s imho)

He is presumably a functioning independent adult and as such chose not to cook the pre-planned meal. (I hazard a guess you planned that and got all the ingredients in op?)

You were slightly unclear with your communication op but your intentions were kind.

It’s not a disaster. This is a new situation for you both. Lessons to be learned for next time. Talk about it when you’ve both calmed down. And develop new strategies; part of which I hope is your dh stepping up and doing more in the house now that you have other responsibilities outside of the home! He needs to take the initiative and you need to leave him alone to do that.

Why did you message him three and a half hours before you got home asking if he wanted anything?

If someone asks if I want anything then I assume that you are on the way home and going to pop into a shop soon.

I think this is just complete miscommunication because if the asking if he wanted anything hours and hours before you were getting home.

Why are you repeatedly texting him asking the same thing ? No wonder he got annoyed ! You’re treating him like a child not a partner .

Whilst it was nice to offer I don’t think he realised he’d have to wait 2.5 hours for it
and under the impression it was arriving any time soon

he didn’t ring for you to get food if you would of said you’d be in at 8.30 I’m guessing he’d say don’t bother I’ll sort myself out

Ye gods, why are you acting like a deliveroo?

You are not obliged to pander to him just because you were out for a few drinks- you’re both grown adults. You’re entitled to a private/ professional life and he is perfectly able to order his own takeaway and beer. Or cook the food you already had in.

I do worry that all of this pandering though was because you knew he would be cross that you’d gone for drinks and you wanted to appease him. If so this would be a bigger worry. Punishing a partner for very routine stuff like going to drinks after work is a form of abuse and is not normal.

Nah he's a dickhead. Who kicks off a beer and pizza?

As he is not the one who contacted the OP asking for food, but he merely replied to her messages, I am confused. How do you get to him sabotaging her role exactly?

You should have been clearer on timings, he should have gone and got his own beers and takeaway and let you know not to bother.

Can't understand why you kept messaging asking if he wanted anything when you weren't even on your way home. Why didn't you wait until you were nearer home and then message once?

He should’ve cooked if he wasn’t willing to wait or take whatever you were able to bring home.
Is it a way of sabotaging you in your new role - warning you off from staying out late again perhaps?

I'm sure they will learn in time to say 'What is your ETA?'.

I think it is a bit unreasonable to repeatedly make your partner think you'll be home very soon - so they keep waiting for you to get tea together, rather than knowing that they should go ahead and just have tea by themself.

However depending on what you mean by "and he lost it", he may be being very unreasonable too.

wow, projecting much?
Did you even read the OP?

Poor DH, it must be terrible not having hands and dependent on someone else to feed and water you.
Assuming he does in fact have hands, he behaved terribly.

even this is not super helpful. You still need to say you are going to be late ^and don't know what time you are home".

I don't cook the same thing is diner is to be served in 20 mn, or reheated in 3 hours

I thought that.
But no need for him to lose it as he could have rang back and asked if he felt OP was late

Wonders if anyone is actually reading this properly. First part fine you said your going to be late did he want anything..then quite frankly it looks like your taking the piss staying out even longer, constantly asking what he wants, he's probably starving by the time you get anything which still needs cooked anyhow. Totally get the point easier to have said Gona be really late do you Wana grab yourself a beer and takeaway rather than keep asking what he wants and not getting it anyhow

I think you need to assume now that whoever is home first cooks.

He said he would have gone out for his own beer and pizza. It sounds like you kept him hanging on for a few hours waiting for a take away pizza that you offered to bring but you didn't bring. I see his point.

I think you need your stop treating him like a child. If you are working late he is old enough to arrange his own dinner. If you want to get him some beef on the way home that should be as a surprise and not asked from him in advance.

Wouldn't you be miffed sat home awaiting a late tea and beer? He assumed you were at the shops then heading home.