DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

He’s a controlling twat who’s threatened by your new job. What a weakling.

Who are these adults who can't feed themselves when they are hungry? There is no law that every couple must eat every meal together.

Agree with many comments but also read somewhere recently that 85% of arguments start when hungry;)

OP messaged him asking if he wanted anything he took her up on the offer
the problem is it wasn’t clear it’d be hours so yes if she hadn’t messaged he would of cooked tea doubt he would of sat there and starved

Well yes I'm guessing at the second message when he said takeaway he thought that Op was on her way with it.

I'm wondering why he decided against what was planned!

What does 'late' actually mean? Do you have a curfew?

OP messaged him asking if he wanted anything he took her up on the offer
the problem is it wasn’t clear it’d be hours so yes if she hadn’t messaged he would of cooked tea doubt he would of sat there and starved

Why would he ask about making dinner when AT LEAST 1.5 hours before, if not 2, OP had said they'd bring food back?

Yes, this basically

I disagree.
Whilst several messages might be a bit irritating, if he was hungry he could have messaged back to say "I'm going to make dinner; will you back soon to eat it, or shall I put some aside for you?"
OP says the meal was planned, he chose to not eat it.

Maybe dh was going to cook…

op… I’m running late drinks with a client.
him.. ok
op… want anything picking up?
him.. beers

thinking he will cook once she’s back and she can bring him a couple of beers.

an hour or so later….
op… want anything?
him… beers and take away

because he now cnba to cook as his been waiting and waiting for op

Op then comes home after that with food to cook and beer…

It is miserable being at home waiting on someone who says they are bringing dinner and then that person keeps pushing back the time. To then not show up with the promised dinner, especially not with food ready to eat is really rude.

the better thing to do in this scenario is to say you will be gone late and he should have dinner without you. It’s the waiting that causes the strife.

But I'm guessing that sometimes when you've been out for a few drinks, you want a takeaway as a result? If you do, surely you'd offer to buy your DH one too?

It sounds like he was thirsty and hungry. He probably thought you were on your way home after the second text. I can imagine being a bit annoyed if I had no beer or food, and someone offered to pick it up, but then didn't arrive with it for another 3 hours. As in he wouldve just got it himself in that timeframe rather than sitting there with nothing. It's not your fault really though. Maybe next time just say I'm gonna be late, eat something yourself. And don't offer beer etc.

So that meant he wouldn't be cooking it for you either?

So what was his plan?

That you would bring home food?

If so when you said you would be late he should have taken some initiative & sorted something out.

Like the meal with the ingredients just waiting to be cooked?

I wouldn't offer to bring things home like that unless I was actually at the shops. It makes you sound like you're apologising for your work, OP. You've got a new job, that's great, so live that life. Let your DH make his own plans.

Yes, he's pissed off that you were out enjoying yourself as your life is changing around him. You treated him like a kid, asking if he needed anything, where he could have offered to step up and get the stuff in ready for when you got back. He was expecting you to be on your way when you responded first, but had to wait because you were unclear. Now you're both sulking.

Messaged DH last minute at 5 saying I was out for drinks with a client, that I'd be later than normal. Asked if he needed anything. He requested beers. Messaged hour later asking again if he needed anything, he said take away. There were no good take outs near. So picked up beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli and headed home.

I'd be annoyed if someone texted me at 5 telling me they were going to be late and asking if I needed anything?

Then texted an hour later asking the same thing.

Then message yet again an hour and a half later to tell him what you'd bought.

Your mutual communication is strange.

You didn't actually agree what the plan was (takeout or something else); you made an open offer to bring stuff and then did something different without mentioning it; and you probably gave a wrong impression of what your timing was.

You could have just said not to wait for you to have dinner if you were not sure how long you would be.

I would be annoyed with you, not because of the deli pizza (though I would be a bit surprised you didn't just tell me you couldn't get takeout when I suggested it) but for messing me around and making me wait an unknown amount of time for food. If I knew you were going to be very late I could snack or just eat by myself.

Messaging with a “do you need anything” implies you are on the way home. You usually get home at 6-.15/7.15 but you messaged at 6 saying did he want anything, so presumably he was expecting you about 7. You then turn up an hour and a half after that. I’d be hungry and definitely fed up that you didn’t bring takeaway and there’s even more time while the oven preheated and the pizza cooked.

In this situation, it’s better you say don’t know what time you will be home and he should sort himself out and you will either pick something up for yourself or forage when you get home. When you’re actually done and heading home, you can see if he’s eaten yet and if he wants anything else, whether he made what was meal planned and you can reheat it if if you need to grab something.

Okay, my initial response was like all the other posters on here questioning the endless confusing messages from you, mixed signals, poor communication etc.

But then I started thinking about it a bit more and I'm wondering if there's a bigger story here? When you agreed to go for drinks, were you worried because he doesn't like it when you aren't home promptly? Were overcompensating in an attempt to appease him? When you were on your way home eventually, were you feeling nervous he was going to be pissed off?

I could be MASSIVELY extrapolating here and really what happened is what everyone else assumed, including me, and you were just being weird and confusing. But this is the sort of thing that I've seen with SIL in the past - she'd tell me some convoluted story that just didn't make any sense until I understood the context of his endless controlling behaviour.

Your fault tying yourself in knots wanting to bring in dinner but also staying out late and sending messages that you are staying later and later. That would have annoyed me too because it gives the impression that I should wait for you.

Presumably you think it is your job to feed him or treat him and you felt bad. STOP. I get it, I have been there, but you made the situation worse.

Next time text to say you're staying late, won't be home for dinner.

DH and I have work related socials/client events all the time. I don't wait for him, it would drive me nuts! These events always invariably take longer than you think.

@syndromeImposter no way would I be bringing DH a takeaway if there was food at home to be cooked.

Does he work? 5 is quite early for him to be home - does he have the kind of job to have a very early start? If so he'll be hungry quite early.

I don't understand why you asked him twice if he needed anything. surely once is enough?

I can't imagine most people being best pleased if it was agreed to pay and bring back a takeaway to find their partner sitting in front of a fully cooked meal!

Who does that?

Some of the comments are really disingenuous because the partner happens to be a man.

I get your point, I just don't understand why he couldn't of just ordered something himself but they obviously don't communicate or plan well.

If it were me I'd of just said sort something out yourself I'm going to be late and then no need for the stress of it.

This is so confusing. So you were only an hour or so late. But you'd gone to drinks much earlier than you'd normally leave work. Then you keep asking him what he wants. And when he asks for a takeaway, you bring something that he still hast to cook and it sounds like you were home way later than he was expecting.

Here's how this would work for me and DH:

Me, at a client in town. Decide to go to drinks. Text DH: We're going to go for drinks after we finish the meetings so not sure what time I'l be home.

Him: have fun.

Me, as drinks are finishing: on my way now. Home in about an hour. Have you eaten or do you want me to pick something up?

Him: all good, thanks. xx