DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

I can almost guarantee that had OP posted
"My DH has just got a new job. He text me to say he'd be late as he was meeting a client in a bar and did I want anything. I said "wine please". He text again a bit later to say he was still out and did I need anything else so I asked him to bring a take away as it would be late when he got in and I hadn't cooked yet. An hour and a half later he text to say he was finally on his way home. With deli pizza I'd need to cook/reheat. I was fuming. WIBU?"

Then those posters saying he was being a manchild, couldn't he have cooked, he's trying to sabotage her work etc would be telling OP she was perfectly reasonable to be angry, that DH should have said he was delayed, would probably say he was having an affair, tell him he can't make working late a habit etc

But did he know you'd be in at that time?

If dh kept asking what I wanted and said he was bringing home dinner and took over 2 hrs to coke back without specifying, yes I'd be annoyed.

But OP made it sound like she was on the way WITH food!

He said he'd have sorted food had he known!

DH can order his own hot delicious pizza then. Or cook the food they had in.

He could have just used his words and said 'Do you know when you'll be back?'

Cold pizza if it had been cooked though

Especially if it took over an hour and half to get there

Hardly the hot, delicious takeaway pizza DH would have expected

Personally, I’d message’Going to be late, see you around 8’. My Dh would then ask if I wanted food and he’d make a meal if I said yes, plus wait for me to come home before eating himself. Why did he not just make the food? Seems a bit helpless.

This

YWBU.

I would have messaged at 5
"Sorry mate, I've got to go for this drinks thing with a client, not sure what time I will be back so don't wait for me. Plenty of food in fridge but please don't use the salmon as I want that tomorrow. Love you"

Then possibly messaged when I was about to come home to say "On way now, do you want me to pick anything up ?"

But the constantly messaging him implying that you were about to pick something up and head home was unreasonable, yes.

No she knows now to just bring her own and let him sort himself out.

He wanted the takeaway and was cross because it was a pizza that needed slinging in the oven for what 10-15 minutes. He had food there but couldn't be arsed to cook for himself. I still stand by the assumption mainly because he was hacked off that her promotion means she will be out with clients from time to time and he isn't able to handle that she is getting on in her career.

As another poster said the fact that OP seems to feel the need to pander to him suggests that he has already shown this to be the case. My ex was like this. Happy when I got qualified in a profession and earned more than double I was pre qualification but not happy when it meant later nights and client hospitality.

She should put down a marker. If he isn't cooking he sorts his own takeaway.

Why do people keep saying the OP came home with food that needed cooking? Surely deli pizza and deli chicken are cooked; that's the point of a deli, no?

Spoilt....

@Spirallingdownwards unless I know DH is going to be very late home (or vice versa), we tend to eat together. Doesn't matter who is planning to cook

@syndromeImposter

I have to agree with the above.

My DH pulls this shit all the time on me and I hate it.

By texting after and hour and then later you are literally hijacking my evening.

If my DH just said i am not sure what time I will
be home, please go ahead and eat and dont keep the kids up it would be much much better.

Waiting and waiting for the drip feed texts makes me so fucking cross.

And it’s always people “out with clients”.

Sorry @syndromeImposter but this is so triggering for me.

And yes he will have been starving! To add insult to injury.

And yes I know all about being client facing. I do a v similar job.

and you genuinely believe the OP would have been happy to come home carrying a take-away for 2 to find her husband eating his own? Yeah right.

Whilst it is odd you messaged him so many times the poor little man child could have got off his arse and ordered his own takeaway.

I am going to predict that going forward he is going to have issues with your new promotion and invent other problems.

Sorry you’re having to work late. Let me know an e.t.a. and I’ll aim to have dinner ready for then. Would you pick some beers up on the way home? And a cheeky ice cream?

Or

I’m gagging for a beer and to save cooking will go and get some and a take away. If you’re very late you might have to nuke your half! Shall I get you a bottle of wine while I’m out?

Actually, I think the old fashioned thing of speaking to each other rather than texting can give so much more information, context, and explore options. But I'm VERY old 😊

I’m with your DH on this one…..

I’d be a bit annoyed about you “drinking with clients” at 5 (which is maybe unreasonable depending on your job, but still annoying).

I’d be maddened by your messages about do you want anything every hour or so going well into and past dinner time, ending with a late turn up of a crappy pizza (nothing special) and I would have been waiting hungry.

Well if I was him I would be super irritated by the whole thing. But I suspect there is a reason you are doing the dance with him and trying to manage being late home, so I suspect YANBU even though on the face of it you were!

An error in communication is one thing.

Throwing your teddy out of the pram is another.

OP, better luck next time. Try and have an ETA and he can have dinner waiting for you.

He decided to live in the edge throw caution to the wind go off menu and get a takeaway when OP offered

Obviously the answer you’d like is he’s a useless man expecting his wife to make tea

An hour and a half after offering takeaway you rolled in with something that had to be cooked?
I can see his point.

You should have had said that you didn't know when you'd be home and that he needed to fend for himself.

It was that his expectations and your offerings were poles apart.

You can come home whenever you want! As long as he knows roughly. I don't understand why you kept asking if he needs anything though - sounds like you felt guilty for staying out? You have no reason to and it's a problem if you do.

Life's too short to stick to pre planned meals and schedules all the time.

The correct approach in these situations is one message - going to be later back as am going out after work, will message when I am on the train/bus home.

So if I had cooked for DH thinking he would be home for 7.15 and then he arrived at 8.30 I would not be impressed! If I know DH is going to be slightly late then I delay cooking, but if it got to a certain time I might say 'sod the meal plan let's have takeaway when you get in'

People who are expecting their partner to arrive soon with food?

If he'd made food and then she turned up with the food he'd requested he'd have rightly been called a twat

I think lots of the responses are based on who would be right or wrong here in a normal, healthy relationship. I somehow doubt this is one of those.