Can he treat me like this?

He's treating you appallingly and has no intention of changing his behaviour or helping himself. He does not deserve a partner. My DH has really severe depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder but would never ever treat me with this contempt or disrespect. His illness is no excuse. And you can't help him anyway, you're just dragging yourself down.
Please just stop seeing him and doing things for him. He knows there is help out there and maybe if your not there he will finally choose to take it. Or not. But you must get on with your life and focus on you and your kids.

This is the comment I was looking for. Spot on.

It’s quite shocking what OP is allowing as a single parent , you would think she has enough to focus on instead of wasting her time on this man . I hope the children don’t witness any of this.

How old are your kids, OP? What do they think of him? do they live full-time with you?

Just realised you also said in OP you are a single parent. Jesus OP ditch him and focus on your kid / kids

People will treat them how you let them.
He isn't being a good partner. You don't need permission to cool things off. I get that mental health issues take their toll on a person but it's not an excuse to make your partner miserable too.
If you don't feel ready to end things completely, at least stop being so available. You have dc to think about as well. If you stop making him your priority he may well get his act together.

OP dump him.

he is giving you nothing.

Get money back, just lie about why you need it. Get your stuff from his. Then dump and block.

with all that new money and energy you’ll have get a therapist to support you staying strong and working WHY you have put up with this shit for a year.

I feel so alone in this relationship already that ending it wouldn’t really feel so much different other than the worry of ‘am I doing enough for him?’

I sincerely hope your child /children aren’t old enough to consciously remember just how much time and energy you’ve squandered on a man you barely know. Literally stealing from their childhoods. It’s not as if he brings anything to your life, either.

Dump him and find some strategies to help you not be such a doormat ever again.

If you don't have kids with him, then don't get pregnant and to start with stop enabling him and tell him this isn't on if he doesn't change then move on.

He sounds like an energy vampire.
You'd be better off finishing with him if all he does is drain you.
You will breathe a big sigh of relief when it's over and be able to focus on yourself instead of putting all your time and effort into him.

How much does he owe you and what is the chance of getting that back?

You may have to write it off, but I would end the relationship as it sounds utterly miserable.

Put his depression to one side, how would you feel if he treated you like he does then?

You wouldn't stand for it would you, there's your answer

Mental health is tough but it's no excuse for being an entitled won't do any self help needy wotsit....

Someone asked what I get out of the relationship and honestly, I can’t think of anything right now

Can you step back from the sense of responsibility you feel for him and his MH for just a second OP and consider why on earth you would stay with someone who brings absolutely nothing positive to your life? It's a really easy position to end up in because manipulative people are very good at making you feel responsible for them and guilty for 'not supporting them enough' so you don't realise how effectively your needs have been sidelined, but it's glaringly obvious to every poster on this thread that this relationship is horrifically unbalanced in his favour.

A year of him behaving like this, whilst refusing to access any professional or constructive help, is more than enough, you have done enough. Walk away now and feel the weight lift from your shoulders, you've spent a year putting him first and it hasn't helped, time to save yourself before he drags you down with him

You don't owe him a relationship and it's not ok for him to treat you badly just because he's having a hard time atm.

There's no reason to analyse him, just dump him. Work on your standards and self esteem before even considering dating anyone again.
Depression is no reason for anyone to act like a dick. Silent treatment is abuse. Abusive males pretend to be nice long enough to reel in a new victim.
Focus on your kids and only date if the man enhances your life and makes it fun. That's the entire point.

You can’t fix someone, OP.

You running yourself ragged for someone who doesn’t value you. Raise your bar, accept you deserve better and throw this one back in the sea.

You will feel so much happier and lighter without him.

To be brutal, he can treat you like this because you're allowing it.

The world is full of parasites who will just use and drain everyone around them, you can put your heart and soul into pleasing them, but its never ever enough. He sounds like one of those people.

We always end up confused and wondering "How can they treat me like this?" because we would never do that to someone, but unfortunately not everyone has the same morals and values

We all suffer with our MH at some point in our lives, we dont all use it as a free pass to treat people like shit. It's absolutely no excuse.

You've been together for only two years. You say he's been like this for one year. So for the first year he was ok, then these behaviours started creeping in? From here it looks like you're caught up in a coercive and controlling relationship and he's just using his MH to make you feel sorry for him so you dont leave him

You mention you're a single parent. Dont you think your time energy money and efforts would be better spent with your kid(s) than this miserable ungrateful man-child who is just draining the life out of you and clearly doesnt make you happy?

Being a single parent and concentrating on your kids work and being a good mum is a much happier life to live than your current situation.. trust me I've been there :)

Get rid of this weight from your shoulders, you cant help him, only a professional can. Give yourself time to heal, and look forward to a much less stressful life in the near future xx

Who diagnosed his depression?

He also won’t seek professional help.

This is all I needed to read. It is entirely unfair of him to claim he needs ANY help due to his depression if he won’t seek professional help. If he was totally in denial of being depressed at all, or if he was doing all the right things and still struggling, that could be different.

Honestly, the answer to your subject line though is: because you let him. You need to walk away, this man is not your partner, he’s only taking from you.

He treats you like this because YOU allow him to.

I’m afraid your relationship is doomed. One day you will look back and think why the fk did I give up so much of my life to that waster?

Been there! Got the cap and tee-shirt.

To be harsh, you aren't doing him any favours. Get tough, put in ultimatums, so he is forced to get help. You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep him warm and that's what you are doing. This will change you as a person and how you parent. Love for a partner shouldn't be unconditional, only for your children.

"My DP of 2 years has been depressed for around a year due to multiple factors in his life."
He needs specific counselling if he's facing disability, or had a major loss, or been a victim of violent crime etc.

He's sounds emotionally abusive and he's got you walking on eggshells. Depression may be an explanation but it certainly isn't an excuse.

You've only been with him 2 years and half of that time has been like this?

You really deserve better. I know you probably hold out hope of things getting back to how they were, but you know he's not doing anything proactive to get better, so how is that going to happen?

I've struggled with depression myself so I do have sympathy for others that struggle with it. At the same time, I have no patience or tolerance for people who won't help themselves.

You have kid(s). Prioritise them and their time. He can hire a cleaner, a therapist, see the doctor etc if he needs them. You are not there to be his emotional punching bag.

Drop the rope. Be unavailable. If he's truly grateful for your assistance he will be understanding that you have other responsibilities. I suspect he will whine and complain that you aren't doing what he wants.

Don't spend another year with this misery.

He can and does treat you like this, what are going to do about it?

Stop helping him. He has to sort himself out. You can still see him but you can’t fix him. Put all that attention onto YOU! Go out and enjoy things you like to do. Either he’ll step up and chase after you and join you or he won’t. You can never fix anyone.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, he needs to help himself before he is ready for a relationship.

You are basically his mother right now.

You have only been together 2 years but say he has been like this for a year. That’s 50% of your relationship being in misery.

He is taking advantage of you and you are letting him.

I would leave personally. I know what it’s like to have anxiety and depression but would never treat DH this way!