Need to go off work with stress - but don’t want it marked as stress

You can't try fudge being sick to make it 'look better'. You have to choose:
Option 1 - get honestly signed off with family related stress. You may well get comments that isn't what sick leave is for etc.
Option 2 - take carers leave. It will be unpaid. Apply for whatever carers benefit you can get as a carer.

Its a moral decision, you could do either. Option 1 you get paid more, but you have the moral implications of whether that's what its for. You can choose to reason it yourself against length of service or whatever. Mumsnet can't really help you there, it's how you feel about it. How you would feel if a colleague did similar. You say you can't afford option 2 so have to do option 1 even though you don't agree with it morally. Fine, but then you have to live with whatever guilt/bad feelings that brings.

To be clear, I'm not being mean, same can apply to for example occupational maternity leave. Should workplaces fund people to be off because they decided to have a child or whatever. I took occupational maternity leave, some disagreed, I reasoned morally I was OK with it and naysayers could fuck off.

Goodness why are some people being so nasty!! Ignore them OP.

I think you should be honest, from my POV as a CS manager if you try and hide what's going on it means I can't support you properly.

Honestly it happens to lots of people at one time after another. I had to take a couple of weeks out last year. My manager was off for a month earlier this year because her home life was in turmoil and she just couldn't do both at once.

People in civil service who are managed out because they go off with stress are usually those who are using it to avoid the inevitable eg performance management. As a PP said upthread it's really hard to sack civil servants and most of us can't be bothered with the forms!

This, just tell Doctor you wish your health issues to be kept private & he will write something appropriate that will give you the time you need.

Many people will face this without the safety net of occupational sick pay for an extended period.

occupational sick pay usually requires you to engage with the process then. The employer can’t exercise their duty of care if they don’t know what’s wrong and what might help you.

So who was the stupid one? 🤔….. not your colleague eh?

How so? Thyroid function is checked with a blood test and a doctor wouldn't sign someone off if the results were normal....

Honestly OP as others have said, just tell the truth. I’m also CS and the only person who will ever know the reason you were off sick is your line manager/HR, so as long as you trust them then it will go no further than that. A main reason to just be honest is that your doctor will not lie on a sick note, so if you choose something else such as “bad back” and end up referred for tests etc then it’s a waste of time for the NHS searching for something that doesn’t exist. Just tell the truth and take the time you need.

I do agree with others though that while you are off you seriously need to figure out what your long term plan is going to be. A child of that age with an EHCP, this is only going to be the very start of the battles you are going to face throughout their school career, you need to as a family figure out how you are going to cope & manage that. You absolutely have my sympathy as it’s really not easy, I don’t know any parents in your position who both manage to maintain full time jobs because it really is a full time job all by itself.

At the end of the day, your health, happiness, and that of your family, is WAY more important than any job. Go off on stress, because it's true. And if you maybe get managed out further down the line, so fucking what?! It's JUST a job. There are plenty of others out there.

Remember, in virtually any job you are almost instantly replaceable.

In my final teaching role, I agonised for months about quitting and leaving them in the lurch. Yet when it came to it, my replacement was lined up in less than 48 hours.

I was signed off from my job in the CS for two weeks last year due to personal stress and they didn’t write it on my fit to work note.

I didn’t ask them to conceal that it was stress but they put that I was having difficulty concentrating and sleeping so required a period of rest. I work in a v high pressure environment so maybe the GP just assumed I didn’t want to disclose. I’m very lucky and work in a supportive team so chose to disclose that it was stress anyway.

I’m a GP.
On a few occasions I have put “viral illness” on sick notes for people who were stressed/depressed, and didn’t want their employer to know. However, I would only do this for a couple of weeks at the most. I would always advise people to be honest with their employer about sick leave, especially if it’s an ongoing situation and they’re going to be off sick for months.

Sometimes GPs write “reactive debility”, which, as it sounds, means you’re debilitated by a reaction to a bad situation. That’s the sort of thing I’ve written for people who are going through the death of a loved one, for example.

If you're expecting your employer to compensate you for your life stress, at least give them the courtesy of the reason why.

I was signed off for a total of three months last year (in one month blocks) to sort out my mum with cancer who lives alone 250 miles away.

The fit note said ‘Stress at home’ which was true.
Ask the GP to put this (they might do anyway, it’s a fairly common phrase anyway).

You'll often hear HR and manager's complain they have a doctors note that just says 'sick' without any indication as to what the illness is. This will have been written because the employee has told the doctor they don't want to disclose the reason to work. It's not faking a note, the doctor is giving it to record you're too ill to work, not the reason why. Under GDPR you fully own access to your medical information and don't have to disclose x

You poor thing. Sounds really tough. You shouldn't have to lie but if it will count against you then why shouldn't you!!

I would take a week sick just now as no line needed, just say cough/bad cold. Gives you a few days to take some time to yourself and make a plan.

I have no idea how to get signed off for longer without saying stress but if there is a way to do it then of course you should.

I would advise against lying and speak to your Occ. Health team who can support you and advise the best way forward.

I'm currently signed off with stress/anxiety as that is exaclty what I'm going through (family member having a serve mental health crisis and I'm supporting them). My employer and occ. health have been amazing and supportive.

Good luck.

If you lie then you’ll have to maintain that lie, which will only add to your stress! Getting your “cards marked” shouldn’t be a concern, you just need to get through the next 6 months and being honest with work will be the best option.

That could happen with him in any school though.

This just isn’t sustainable.

I’m ex-civil service and always viewed the sick scheme as an insurance policy: I’d be worried that taking 6 months out now (and it does look dodgy when you return just before you hit half pay) will mean there’s nothing there if something major were to happen (eg cancer diagnosis) further down the line.

Could you get signed off for depression and anxiety instead? It could be better as it might be perceived as a treatable medical condition versus "not being able to cope with your job" (I know that's wrong - but if that's what you're worried about on your record then might be worth considering)