AIBU or is DH about my birthday?

I would do buffet food and people can sit wherever they want to
it’s your husband being unreasonable not you

We had a six seater dinner table at home when I was a kid and at Christmas we sat 8 around it, sometimes 10. People sat on whatever they could - garden chairs, piano stool etc. You’ve already cancelled the meal out because you are on a budget. And you are also doing all the cooking. I think you’ve already made enough accommodations for everyone. I think it’s pretty rotten of your other half to sulk and make you feel bad, especially when he should be spoiling you. It’s pretty normal to squeeze extra people in when you’ve got a special event. Most people do it without being ruled by the table size. Let him go out if he must and you enjoy the meal with your family. Some people can’t stand the attention to be on someone else and go out of their way to spoil it. Hopefully he doesn’t do this all the time. If he does, and you are otherwise happy with him, then get used to leaving him to sulk and carry on without him.

YANBU to invite your grandparents to your birthday. Your husband is completely unreasonable and rude!

Honestly, I’d consider leaving that relationship ASAP!

My husband is a bit like this: gets very stressed about entertaining and feels like everything has to be perfect whereas I'm more informal. I expect he's a bit worried about where everyone will sit and embarrassed you can't host them all properly. It's not a birthday meal if you can't all sit and eat together. If there's kids can you make a little uns table separately? Can you borrow extra chairs or an extender? Can you make it an outdoor event like a BBQ or picnic so everyone can fit in?

Yes he's an AH. It's your birthday so it's about your preferences and wishes.
Surely you can temporarily fit 9 people around a table for 7.
Please join your own birthday dinner, don't just serve and hover around! You deserve the spot & attention and it's also quite awkward for guests when the host(s) behave like waiter/servant.
I hope you'll have a lovely dinner and great family time!

He cancelled the meal and promised to cook

No he didn't. OP doesn't say whose decision it was to cancel the meal out, and she decided to cook for her family.

Let him go out then. No point keeping him there if he's going to be moody.

Of course your DH is being unreasonable a cunt You don't need us to tell you that though surely. I couldn’t be with someone who would have a strop on my birthday because my grandma's came to dinner. Fuck that.

Not the point but why not do a lovely buffet instead and people can just sit around the room ? Might be more relaxed

It’s not his birthday?! You’re being a bigger person than me cooking for everybody on your birthday. Usually someone else cooks for me or l go out for dinner on my birthday as a rule

Why are you cooking for everyone on your birthday? Surely if you can’t afford to eat out then DH cooks and cleans up?

was it suppse to be a dinner just the two of you? and now it's a load of people who you have to cook for serve up food and drinks tidy up plus squeeze everyone around the table to eat ? sorry that doesn't sound like a nice birthday treat ?
why has it changed from a night out the two of you and now feeding 10 people with little space ? why couldn't you do a cheap meal for 2 just two of you ? I can see his point of view in this now.

Just get a fold up chair. With misery guts out of the way, you'll only need 1 extra. Sounds like you'll all have a nicer time without him there. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat their partners family. A reasonable grown-up doesn't throw a tantrum about family coming to celebrate a loved ones birthday they do whatever they can to make everyone feel welcome & comfortable.

As others have suggested just change it to a buffet style meal or drinks and nibbles. Would a BBQ with everyone outside work - if this is next weekend the weather looks better.

You can’t not sit and eat with everyone but also cooking for 9 is a bit much. Get your DH to do a BBQ!

Did you read the OP's posts? She plans to feed him and herself before her family arrives so the family can sit comfortably at the table. She is not intending for him and her to have dinner with them.

He’s sulking! Of course he’ll get to sit at the table, just might be a bit cosy with two extra seats. If he’s going to be silly and flounce when your family is over and spoil your birthday I’d tell him to go out.

Agreed

Indeed

He sounds rude and idiotic.

Have your family round and enjoy your birthday.

I feel like I'm the only person who gets his point. This was originally meant to be a dinner for the OP and her DH, but now he's not even getting to sit at the table. So what's the point of him being there if he's not taking part in the celebrations? The OP isn't even part of her birthday dinner.

It would definitely be cheaper eating out for 2 I think! And you can't eat before everyone shows off, that's just really odd behaviour since the only reason they are all coming is it's your birthday!
But your DH is completely wrong Does he normally have form for sulking and spoiling occasions?

He never had any intention of celebrating your bday. He cancelled the meal and promised to cook- then he was gonna find any excuse to cancel or not be a part of that- you inviting grandparents was the perfect excuse. Cynical? I know this type of man.

I couldn't be doing with that OP. A man so unpleasant he walks out on your birthday meal thst you're cooking for yourself, because you've decided to invite and cook for your two grandmas? Honestly, he would need to have a very long list of good points indeed to balance that type of carry on. But let me guess. He hasnt, has he?

I think it would be odd if you invited your family over for a meal, then you and your DH didn't sit down and eat with them. I'm sure they won't mind sitting more closely together so you can all eat the table at the same time.

Personally I'd do something like make scones and a cake, so the seating arrangements can be more flexible and informal.