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AIBU?

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Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

691 replies

KrustyBurger · 13/06/2024 05:55

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 13/06/2024 11:18

Feelinadequate23 · 13/06/2024 10:37

Drunk idiots, mainly! I don't love coming across groups of drunk men at night now, and I'm in my 30s! It just takes one of them to notice you / turn on you / make a comment and suddenly it's a horrible atmosphere.

Oh no! Not drunk idiots 😂Yes best keep DD locked up in case she comes across anyone who has had a few alcoholic drinks!

Also, what happens if OP's DD is out in her local town or on a bus and comes across "drunk idiots"??? If she going to run home crying to her mum???

And who regularly comes across groups of drunk men in hotel corridors?! Unless you're maybe on a stag do in Benidorm 😂

PollyPut · 13/06/2024 11:06

@KrustyBurger I can't quite understand why your OH wouldn't just take the rubbish himself?

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/06/2024 10:52

@Feelinadequate23 that has genuinely never happened to me in over three decades of staying in hotels!

helpfulperson · 13/06/2024 10:51

This is why there are so many mental health problems in the young. They are being taught that the world and normal life is too dangerous for them.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/06/2024 10:49

If it's such a dangerous hotel you should really think about moving your another one.

Deliaskis · 13/06/2024 10:49

Really surprised that there are people who wouldn't do this. Since she was about 11, DD (now just 13) has been going back from the pool to a hotel room alone to collect something, or wandering down a street in a Greek village to buy the souvenir she had seen earlier. And of course she walks to the bus stop and gets the bus to and from school alone etc. and occasionally walks from school to town alone, or from our stables to Starbucks round the corner etc. I can't imagine not letting her do these things at this point. They are all environments that we have checked out and she is comfortable in, but so ought a Marriott corridor be really.

PrincessTeaSet · 13/06/2024 10:48

If you didn't feel it was safe for whatever reason then don't let her do it. It's wise to be more cautious when abroad in a new place.

It's not like there is any benefit in her doing the task really.

Having said that I think you were overcautious and I'd probably let my 4 year old do this (but not if there was anything suspect, a human trafficking poster might put me off too!)

isthismylifenow · 13/06/2024 10:48

I wouldn’t ask my son/daughter to do that, not for your reasons though, it’s just not a chore I’d ask them to do

@GardenersWord why wouldn't you though?

Genuinely, I am curious as to why not.

G5000 · 13/06/2024 10:48

Do you eve leave your home?

But staying home is also very risky - did you know most people die at home?

ElaineMBenes · 13/06/2024 10:45

Overthebs · 13/06/2024 08:29

I’d generally see it the same, I wouldn’t let any young children go out of my sight on holiday .. so why’s that any different? It takes a second for a someone to grab a child.. so I don’t think you’re unreasonable. The chances are obviously quite low in a motel with only a few others around but if you wouldn’t let your 3 year old go out of your sight why a 12 year old? They’re still young!

Eh?
A three year old is very different to a 12 year old who probably travels to school without an adult!!

Isobel201 · 13/06/2024 10:43

if you are that worried, just drop the rubbish off next to the lift as you all go down to breakfast or go out for the day?

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/06/2024 10:42

parentfodder · 13/06/2024 06:13

No I wouldn't either. Statistically it's unlikely anything would happen but why risk it?

Do you eve leave your home?

I mean why risk it?

TillyMills · 13/06/2024 10:42

Oh sorry I read this as past 12 doors and down in the lift....so not down in the lift? Then yeah I wouldnt think twice about walking past 12 doors on the same corridor!

Blarneytalk · 13/06/2024 10:40

Sunmoonstars9 · 13/06/2024 10:38

Absolutely no way would I allow a 12 year old child to wander about a hotel with bins. I don't care if it is a 2 star or a 5 star it's not happening. A good call OP.

Wander about Aka walk down a corridor.

G5000 · 13/06/2024 10:40

So people saying it's reasonable, if you are in an all inclusive resort, or on a campsite, your 12yo is not allowed to walk around by themselves? They have to stay with you at all times?

Blarneytalk · 13/06/2024 10:39

GardenersWord · 13/06/2024 06:04

Tell dh to do it himself! He’s the clean freak.

I wouldn’t ask my son/daughter to do that, not for your reasons though, it’s just not a chore I’d ask them to do.

Edited

Empty a bin is not an onerous chore.

Sunmoonstars9 · 13/06/2024 10:38

Absolutely no way would I allow a 12 year old child to wander about a hotel with bins. I don't care if it is a 2 star or a 5 star it's not happening. A good call OP.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/06/2024 10:38

Yes I'd let my 11 yr old do that

Feelinadequate23 · 13/06/2024 10:37

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/06/2024 10:05

But it's a hotel corridor - they're covered in cameras and well-lit no matter what time of day it is.

What is it about 10pm that makes it so much more dangerous than 10am?

Drunk idiots, mainly! I don't love coming across groups of drunk men at night now, and I'm in my 30s! It just takes one of them to notice you / turn on you / make a comment and suddenly it's a horrible atmosphere.

LimeandCourgette · 13/06/2024 10:27

If you feels it's too risky for her to take the rubbish to the bin a few metres away, surely it's too risky for you all to be sleeping there, or does someone stay up all night and guard the door?

KimberleyClark · 13/06/2024 10:25

saraclara · 13/06/2024 07:37

it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in

Again, for it to take five seconds would mean that someone had been standing next to their door for hours in the hope that a girl would walk by. That's vanishingly unlikely. They'd even need a camera to the corridor from their room to know who was passing by.

I am totally bewildered (and somewhat depressed) at the level of illogicality shown by some posts in this thread.

Also the corridors in Marriott type hotels are quite wide. If she was walking down the middle of the corridor a potential yanker would need unusually long arms and would also need one arm to hold open his room door. It’s a fairly unlikely scenario I think.

Peonies12 · 13/06/2024 10:22

You seriously need some support for anxiety if you genuinely think in that way. For your DDs sake - you need to totally reset your mindset and let her be independent. Poor kid. You can’t live in fear of totally unlikely events

TillyMills · 13/06/2024 10:19

Personally I don't see why he needed her to take it down there and then, why not run it down the next morning on the way out? I wouldnt have thought my DD was going to be abducted or anything, but where I am currently staying in NYC there has just been a murder at the end of the street last night! So it would make me think its only a bin ill do it tomorrow.

stripes92 · 13/06/2024 10:14

A foreign country? It's the USA not North Korea. You're being ridiculously over the top.

alfagirl73 · 13/06/2024 10:10

I think you are being overprotective here OP. I get it; I understand the mindset of "if she doesn't do it then there is zero risk" rather than contemplate the slight risk of what you anticipate happening. Thing is, if we lived like that we'd never do anything.

I've said before; allowing kids to do things isn't about being reckless, it is about assessing risk sensibly and preparing kids to deal with things.

Look at the facts of the situation. You are in a Marriott - arguably a very decent hotel which will have CCTV EVERYWHERE and security actively watching the security cameras as well. It's not just a case of there being cameras and they look at them later; many hotels, particularly the nicer ones, have active security monitoring things.

In order for someone to grab your DD as you say, they would have to be glued to their hotel door at that very moment waiting for your DD to walk past alone. Remember - possible is not the same as probable, and this, while POSSIBLE (albeit very remotely), it is definitely not PROBABLE.

The other scenario is someone on that corridor returning to their room and pulling her in but again, the likelihood of that very person at that very moment deciding to attempt to abduct an unwilling child in full view of cameras is extremely slim.

Presumably you have prepared your DD for encountering strangers and have taught her to scream blue bloody murder and kick off if someone tries to grab her. In a hotel corridor like that, a girl screaming and going off it is definitely going to attract a LOT of attention - something a potential abductor will NOT want. If she is carrying a bin then that will in all likelihood be dropped on the spot (thus identifying the room she has been dragged into) or even swung at the attacker causing even more commotion/noise etc. It's too much hassle/risk for any would-be abductor.

So add up the facts to consider the risk: it is a short walk down a corridor in a decent hotel which has security and that corridor will be monitored by CCTV which would immediately pick up someone grabbing your DD - so in the highly unlikely event it happened, it would be seen. Should it happen, your DD would, I presume, kick off and so there would be enough noise and commotion that a would-be abductor wouldn't likely select that type of location/environment as an ideal spot. Plus, you would likely notice within seconds that she was not back so there is a very very limited window for any abductor to "vanish" your DD - she would be found almost immediately.

If you are that bothered stand at your hotel door or leave it open so you can hear any commotion. But tbh, I DO think you are catastrophising here. You cannot prevent everything in life. Trafficking happens just as much here as in the USA. Don't teach your child to be scared of everything just because it is another country. I see nothing wrong with your DD carrying out this task.