To be irritated by friend’s remark about ADHD?

I've got an nhs diagnosis and definitely don't want medication. I don't like medication and the side effects risks of ADHD medication scares me.I’ve taken the NHS course of therapy treatment option and working on other coping strategies instead.My dd who is 19 has gone for the medication route which I’ve supported her with.We are all different and one size does not fit all.

Agreeing that you have taken his decision about his needs personally. Adding that there may be more to it that he doesn't want to say. The various medications don't work for everyone and can have side effects. One of the ones I was on gave me intense anxiety. It sounds as if you have the zeal of the convert and want people to try what works for you; depending on how you phrase this, it can come across as pushy.

If you're in the UK, did you get a private diagnosis or NHS. Wondering about the prescription payment and after watching the TV expose of practice in private clinics it put me off going down this route. I am diagnosed too through an NHS psychiatrist but not on medication. My DD is seeking diagnosis but it feels like there is alot of suspicion around those enquiring about adhd at the moment which is very frustrating for those of us with life long debilitating conditions.

During a recent conversation I did reference this and wondered if he’d considered seeking a diagnosis too

I think you REALLY overstepped here and you're lucky that he reacted so kindly

I would have told you to wind your neck in

I’ve got a diagnosis of ADHD but didn’t/don’t want medication. I may revisit that at some point but don’t feel the need right now. I love that it works so well for people who struggle more than I do, but I hold down jobs and relationships, and always have done. I have been a homeowner- on my own and now with DP for a few years now. I get shit done! Things can be harder- hense the diagnosis, but I’m ok. Stimulant ADHD medication is basically speed, I don’t want to take hardcore drugs every day if I can manage ok without.

I've always known that I was different, and my disorganisation and euphoria caused me significant problems. School and the world of work could be difficult. But this is me and I'm retired now. Last year my adult children sat me down and said that they thought I had ADHD. I knew nothing about ADHD and thought it unlikely but the more I read the more I thought that they were right. My boundless enthusiasm and hyperactive and hyper focused mind are me. I feel as if medication would stop me being me. I'll live with the messy house. This is me.

You’re being too sensitive. It’s not about you. He’s entitled to his own feelings about how to handle his own wellbeing. You overstepped by bringing it up IMO.

Dc were on them. They had to have ECGs before starting and then ongoing checks as their NHS consultant who prescribed them said they can affect the heart.

We were also told they can affect growth. So height and weight checks monthly too. I doubt this would affect adults but certainly heart issues may.

They are controlled drugs for a reason.

I think you over-stepped too. If he has wanted to explore his possible ADHD/medication he would've brought it up already. Sounds like he didn't really mind too much but his comment succinctly expressed why he hadn't been discussing it with you already.
I definitely wouldn't read from that that he thinks that you are doing the wrong thing or he is judgemental in any way - sounds like he is very supportive.

How long had you been on this medication before you were incredibly rude and highly insensitive to your very supportive friend? I would be looking at the dose if I were you.

@TaraRhu Yes! I think my issues are symptomatic of anxiety which in the last few years I have started properly addressing through work/life balance and therapy. For me that's worked. I think it's very easy to mistake neurodivergence for anxiety that behaves a bit like ADHD.

He replied that he agreed that he had some of the same symptoms, but that was just him, he didn’t want to “medicalise” it or become reliant on medication. He felt he was doing OK in life generally and didn’t see the need or understand what value a diagnosis might bring.

This is exactly how I feel about my chronic lateness and occasional inattentiveness. Like your friend, I have a couple of friends who got diagnosed late in life and decided that I had to get diagnosed too. I don't want to. I'm not convinced I have it and I feel that I am improving at punctuality and organisation without them. It's not a reflection on anyone else's decision at all.

Perhaps if you asked him honestly he'd say that he hadn't thought you needed meds, but who cares? He's not judging you. He's just not you. He has no idea what it is to be you and you have no idea what it is to be him.

You made a judgement of him. He didn’t judge you or criticise you in any way. You should apologise to him.

My friend got diagnosed recently. In all honesty, I think her issues in life are caused by poor mental health that she won't. address rather than the adhd itself but anyhoo...

She's one that everyone has autism / adhd. She told me I had autism most likely. The diagnostic criteria she used are so vague 90% of the population would fall under them. I'm not autistic.

She ruined my friends birthday by telling her repaeadu she has adhd and should be tested. My friend has never considered having adhd. She spend the weekend doubting herself and wondering if she'd failed to recognise her own issues.

It's very rude to go around arm chair diagnosing people.

Is there scientific evidence of this? You know this is a fact internationally?

I do think you are misinterpreting your friend’s motivations OP. Like your friend I have a lot of the traits, online tests tell me there is a high chance of adhd etc. I probably won’t go for a diagnosis or seek medication but this is a personal choice for very personal reasons. It’s nothing judgy about the diagnosis itself or taking meds. I make this choice whilst fully understanding and supporting others choice to seek a diagnosis.

💯 agree with this. It isn't your place to diagnose him or giving him advice on a condition you suspect he has. And it isn't your place to be offended that he chooses to live his life differently from you either.

Yabu

His position is perfectly valid, you overstepped. Many thousands of people manage perfectly well or indeed better even without the meds which can have some serious side effects.

Don’t they just!! Iv found this to be the case too. Extremely so.

OP sorry YABVU

I don’t think he did anything wrong OP. You said he was very supportive and happy for you. It was only when you expressly asked him that he gave his personal opinion and it sounds like he tried to do that nicely too.

So I’m just going to say it: with this explosion of “ awareness” around ND diagnoses, it seems to me there isn’t a person alive who couldn’t be said to exhibit fairly compelling symptoms of something or other. It’s as if we need to call it TND: typical neuro divergence.

YABU.

I wouldn't be offended personally. My DH also has ADHD and would never consider medication. I totally back him on this. Each to their own.

It doesn’t sound like he was saying it referring to you, or with any similar implications. Just that you asked him if he’d consider it, and he answered with the reasons why he wouldn’t personally. YABU.

Please don’t become one of those people because you have been diagnosed that you can now spot symptoms in others. If he hasn’t asked for your advice don’t give it he’s obviously happy with his life.