To be irritated by friend’s remark about ADHD?

Sometimes some people with ADHD can be over sensitive. Reading meanings into things that aren't there. Ruminating on every interaction. I think that might be what you're doing.

I know I have it- I was diagnosed as hyperactive as a child (in the 70s!), and I really struggled to focus throughout school, college, and in jobs where I was desk based.

I chose not to get a formal diagnosis as an adult, and I have developed my own strategies to cope. One is working outdoors.

I think it’s a very personal thing; I don’t judge anyone who does it differently, and I’m always interested to hear about the ways in which other people manage their ADHD.

You are being unreasonable.

It’s not affected our relationship but I just wondered if I was being oversensitive to feel a little irritated?

Yes I think you are.

I've said it on many threads and I will say it again.

Every body urinates, but if you're pissing all the time then it's probably a disorder.

The same thing goes for ADHD and Autism. Every one might do something that is considered a trait, because it's normal human behaviour.

If you're able to meet diagnostic criteria then you have a disability. There's nothing mild about it, it's not typical behaviour. It's a-typical.

If anything it is under diagnosed from years of poor understanding, and women especially get the short straw because we present much differently from men.

What you're saying is very in the lines of "everyone's a bit autistic/ADHD" and that's frankly just bollocks. Not every one is disabled by the way they're wired. You either are or you aren't.

And before someone says but some people are impacted more by it, of course they are. Some people have extremely high support needs.

But there's nothing mild about it. Mild is how other people perceive someone's disability, that doesn't mean it's mildly disabling.

YABVU
You took it upon yourself to suggest he might have ADHD and you are now making it all
about you instead of respecting his polite way of saying he wasn’t interested of seeking a diagnosis.

DD has just been diagnosed with combined subtype ADHD and has decided to try medication (not yet been prescribed). I have Inattentive subtype and don't medicate, nor do I plan to. I never realised I had it and have structures in place to manage my life and my diagnosis doesn't change that. We have to do what works for us and for some people medication is life changing (especially in terms of career) but for others, they are managing just fine with techniques to help where needed. Personally, while I would love to be able to focus more, I've built a career on starting projects and initiatives and have a team who will finish them for me. I also get everything done that I need to in my personal life but it just sometimes look chaotic to others as I will have 15 jobs on the go at the same time and switch between them all the time (think housework for example). The one area I would want to improve is life admin as I find it incredibly difficult to get round to booking appts. Fortunately I have a super organised DH who will either nag me to death or take over. 🙂

I have adhd and yes sorry I think you are being over sensitive. You asked him / he said why not appropriate for him it was not about you. He’s your friend he should be able to speak freely if you ask him something.

No we’re not over medicalising it, not everybody has it and it’s actually quite hard to get a diagnosis. The levels it has to impact life for a diagnosis is not normal human behaviour.

YABU - did you ever consider that your comments to him might be unwelcome and irritating? He’s supported you in you making the health decisions that you thought were best. Now you support him the same way.

He’s allowed to make different medical decisions than you - and frankly you aren’t entitled to his reasoning for his medical decisions.

You asked - it’s not really your place to have an opinion about his answer.

He did nothing wrong. He was supporting you with your life choices but then you chose to make it about him so he said how he felt about himself.

Your friend hasn't done anything wrong, but you have by firstly diagnosing him (I assume you have no medical training) and then by getting offended that he doesn't want to follow the same path as you. Sounds like he didn't say anything for you to get irritated over.

I tend to agree with him...it's been suggested my son might have ADHD and i'm 99% sure if we went down the diagnosis route we would get a diagnosis for him (likewise, he's probably got it from me!).

Controversial, i know....but I do wonder whether we're over medicalising/disordering everything. Are there any celebs now who don't have ADHD - every day another one or two pop up saying they've got it? so is actually just a normal human trait for the vast majority of people who "have" it? There was an article recently saying it's probably evolutionary and benefitted us when we were hunter gatherer types - as more likely to find food if flitting from one place to another! We weren't designed to sit still in a class room or at a desk for 8 hours a day!

The problem is when everyone has it, it undermines it for people who have serious issues because of it.

Couch!

I am also a high energy person. It's helped rather than hindered me. Its annoying to be told I should be sitting on the coach and watching Netflix. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't appeal to me personally.

I agree with your friend and YABU.

Medication can be wonderful when you finally find something to deal with symptoms that have been derailing your life but the push to medicalise everyone and everything, to the point so many children are being labelled and many adults are dependent on prescription drugs isn't good for society imo.

I am constantly told I have ADHD by people who have it, and urged to get a diagnosis. Maybe I do or maybe I dont. But I am in my 50s now. Hold down a job and am long married. Completely functional.

What would getting meds do for me now? I already take HRT and that is enough.

Armchair diagnoses really annoy me. You overstepped.

OP you've just described the two main types of thought on ADHD (and a lot of frontal lobe conditions).

You have a condition that people think of as 'not that far from normal functioning'. You're functional, working, paying bills, raising kids, and 'appear' to be fine.

For some people it's a sign of resilience to mask and get on with life but for others it helps to diagnose and medicalise. Neither of you are wrong.

I agree with this

You have made this all about you and it's not. He doesn't have to make the same choices you have.

I do think you are being oversensitive here, OP. It is possible to support a friend with their choices, whilst making different choices for oneself. This does not mean they disapprove of you or judge you.

Please could you share your coping strategies? And what is the therapy offered by the nhs? I undoubtedly have adhd but I'm not keen on diagnosis. Would like to learn to manage it myself.

It sounds like he was being kind and polite and you interpreted it as more interest than he really had. Especially since you say you chose to confide in him because he had similar traits - did he get a choice in that?

I think so too. You had the cheek to tell him he's possibly the same and then feel all hurt and angry when he spoke about himself and his opinion! Do you hear yourself op?

Poor mental health is a very common comorbidy in those of us who are ND, more so than our NT partners.

ADHD in women can mean impulsively, leading to poor life choices, but poor executive function to rectify situations, and emotional blindness to realising when something is making them feel bad before it's too late.

Once you've been through the diagnostic criteria it's easy to see how people in your life might fit into those boxes. It's an example of rigid thinking. You're either autistic/ADHD or you're not which is a fact, but it's easy to misinterpret the fact that the diagnostic criteria are very human behaviours so all humans do them, but you've got to meet all points of the diagnostic criteria to get a diagnosis. Your friend is struggling with this sort of black and white thinking.

I agree it's rude to armchair diagnose, and going through the diagnostic criteria doesn't make you a professional suddenly, so she shouldn't be saying anything to you.

But I did want to point out that what people might perceive as poor choices and a decline in mental health are hallmark symptoms for ADHD especially in women.